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holytree · Jun 30, 2011, 08:20 AM

So my boyfriend of 6 years called me yesterday and says a friend of his(a women who is a model 20yrs his junior) is traveling today 1.5 hrs each way to visit him and pick blueberries(which aren't ripe yet) and spend the day. I say I didn't realize you spoke with her and he says they contact each other through Facebook and phone calls. I think its unusal for someone to travel 3 hrs, spent money on gas and tolls to pick blueberries that aren't even ripe. He says I its fine and he has no interest on her. I don't feel good about this for several reasons. Am I wrong to want someone who lets me know about his relationships outside of ours and would check with me before inviting someone over the day? This isn't the first time something like this has happened. He says this is all me and that I need to change. Any thoughts?

Jake2008 · Jun 30, 2011, 08:34 AM

I agree with you- it is inappropriate for all the obvious reasons you have stated.

If he does not see that this makes you uncomfortabe (whether or not something is going on or not), and is not willing to respect your point of view, and worse yet, blame you for thinking something is wrong with YOU, I would be very unhappy, and very suspicious. Particularly when you add the phone calls and Facebook contact with her.

This is not a once in a while 'hey how are ya' sort of thing. He has a relationship with her, that is progressing. And I don't think it has anything to do with blueberries.

I would make arrangements to go on this outing with him. Instead of arguing about it, or demanding he change, and cut it out already- go with him. Meet her. Let her know that you ARE in the picture, and you are not comfortable with her, meeting up to 'pick blueberries' without you. Leave a few blueberry pie recipes on the kitchen table, and some canning jars. He'll get the picture you are serious.

Don't doubt yourself!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 30, 2011, 09:05 AM

So I will assume you will be with him and her ?

holytree · Jun 30, 2011, 09:13 AM

I'm sorry I should have mentioned he called the day she was coming(yesterday). And even though I had problems with it she did come. He mentioned it today when I spoke with him on the phone. I said I just didn't want to know anything more, I was just so hurt that my feeling don't seem to matter to him. He says they do but he did nothing wrong and sharing with others is who he is and I need to understand him and see there is no threat.

I love this man very much but this hurts me.

Thanks so much for answering!

0rphan · Jun 30, 2011, 12:15 PM

Facebook,phonecalls,visits, what's he playing at.I can see a pattern here developing if your not careful.Why did he not tell you before, something doesn't smell right...

What a very selfish man, you've been together 6 years you should share everything and I'm sure you do,not so sure about him though,it seems he only tells you what he thinks you ought to know, if you question something later, then of coarse it's all your fault.

You both need to sit down and have a serious conversation about your relationship and what you each expect from it,maybe where it's going right now.Don't let this man twist your words... I feel this is what he does.

talaniman · Jun 30, 2011, 02:35 PM

You can easily solve this guy of 6 years behavior. Dump him. Any guy you have been with that long should really not be playing you for a complete fool.