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    iamintrouble's Avatar
    iamintrouble Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    May 17, 2007, 11:59 AM
    Is it OK if still keeping exís pictures?
    I and my boyfriend broke up before, and now we were get back in the relationship almost 10 months. Iím living in his apartment (for his required), but I still keeping my own apartment. He threw away all the pictures of his previous relationship that show him he is serious with ours before we get back together. Weíre in serious relationship and he says I am the one he would marry to. But he hasnít made a proposal.
    My question is in our relationship situation, do I need to throw my exís pictures away and make it fair? He threw all pictures away because he want to show he want this relationship and want me to forgive him what he had done. But he thinks I should do the same. What I think is, I wasnít the one did something wrong in this relationship and try to get it back. Why I need to do the same, throw the exís pictures away. I think I will throw it all away after if he proposed me. But not because he did it and I need to do the same. Any advice?
    SAB123's Avatar
    SAB123 Posts: 685, Reputation: 94
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    #2

    May 17, 2007, 12:44 PM
    You had those pictures before you met this guy wright. And if you feel you want to keep a part of your past he shouldn't have a problem with this. And if you guys have trust between each other those pictures shouldn't mean anything to him. When I first started dating my now ex when we started getting serious she told me that she occasionally talked to her ex husband. I wasn't bothered by it because I trusted her, without trust there is no relationship. So if you want to keep memories of your past I say keep them. I now when I get over ex and start dating It will be my decision to keep them. Because rite now I don't have a girlfriend but I still have those pictures of ex.
    iamintrouble's Avatar
    iamintrouble Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    May 17, 2007, 01:29 PM
    I feel the same! But if I still keep them. He will says I don't care what he think, and he think I still have feeling of my ex's that's why I want to keep it. Then, we will going to start agusment about it. The things is I asked him to throw away all those ex's pictures before we got back together, because I want him to show he care of our relationship, and he did. Now he think it isn't fair that if I still keep my ex's picture.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #4

    May 17, 2007, 03:04 PM
    If you were not prepared to do the same as you asked him, then I do not see how you come out feeling upset that he now wants you to throw out your ex's pics. You cannot have it both ways. I know you will not understand that and say that this break up was not your fault, it was his. Are you playing an upper hand with him? That is what it sounds like. If this becomes a real serious contention between you two, then leave the relationship and don't go back to him.
    Sdjosh's Avatar
    Sdjosh Posts: 215, Reputation: 41
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    #5

    May 17, 2007, 03:06 PM
    My ex kept her pictures of her old relationships. I was going through some old boxes and I found her pictures. It bothered me at first until I took the time to understand that that was her life and she was entitled to those memories. I never mentioned it and when she broke up with me I made sure to get her those pictures. I also added some of us in there as well.

    I know I will keep the ones of us because she will always be apart of me.
    alkaline's Avatar
    alkaline Posts: 61, Reputation: 20
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    #6

    May 17, 2007, 03:26 PM
    No, you don't need to throw away your pictures.

    Those are YOUR memories of YOUR life. You are absolutely entitled to them. The fair solution? Put them away in a box someplace where he never has to see them. Don't show those pictures to friends or family while he is around.

    He has no right to ask you for forget or disregard your past. In fact, I think he has a lot of nerve asking you to do so. It seems to me he decided to throw away his pictures all on his own, I didn't see you indicate that you told him to. Well, that was his choice, but it doesn't mean that you have to reciprocate. If he shot his ex in the head to prove his love to you, would you have to do that, too?

    Pfft. He's being incredibly immature. He isn't ready to talk about marriage if he can't get over the fact that you have dated other men. That's reality. Most people don't marry the first person they date, and to ask them to erase their past is selfish, jealous, and juvenile.

    In addition, he hasn't asked you to marry him yet! Do you know how many guys have "told" me they are going to marry me in my life? More than five. And guess what? There is still no ring on my finger. It is really easy to "say" you're going to marry someone someday, but it is another thing entirely to actually go through with it.

    So what happens if he doesn't ask you to marry him, and you guys break up, and you've thrown away all your pictures? How will you feel then? That would be pretty unfair to you, wouldn't it? I hate to say it, but when it comes to get married, words can be pretty cheap. I wouldn't count on marrying him until he actually takes a serious step towards that.

    And even if you DO get engaged, you still have a right to keep your pictures. They're just pictures! If he is that intimidated by the fact that you have a past, he is the one with a problem and needs to grow up.

    Keep your pictures, just don't throw them in his face. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

    Good luck!
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    May 17, 2007, 03:48 PM
    Of course you don't throw away your photos, Even after I got married, I still kept a few ( OK then I got rid of a lot of them) but photos are what we look at 30 years from now and remember when. Now I don't keep them in a album on the shelf, they are stored away, but they are kept.

    So he threw his away, you are not required to live up to his rules and regulations

    *** you said ( for his required) as for living in his apartment, what did you mean about that?
    iamintrouble's Avatar
    iamintrouble Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    May 17, 2007, 04:05 PM
    He doesn't want to seprate and want to see each other all the time. He tried to sleep in my place, but he feel my neibor a little bit noisy for him, so he want me to live in his place. Meanwhile, we still looking for bigger apartment.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    May 17, 2007, 04:49 PM
    Keep your pictures they are yours. If the relationshp doen't work you will regret throwing them away. On the other hand you never should have let him get rid of his.
    iamintrouble's Avatar
    iamintrouble Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #10

    May 17, 2007, 05:06 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    Keep your pictures they are yours. If the relationshp doen't wok you will regret throwing them away. On the other hand you never should have let him get rid of his.
    Actually, I didn't really asked him to get rid of them. He signed up a lot of dating sites before and stored some of those woman pictures he met on-line on his computer and closet. I was asked him to cancel all those dating sites to appove he takes serious about our relationship, otherwise I won't let myself back in this relationship. So he did, and also, he voluntarily to get rid of those ex's pictures at that time. That was happened before.
    AW805's Avatar
    AW805 Posts: 283, Reputation: 43
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    #11

    May 17, 2007, 10:48 PM
    Just because he has cancelled the on line dating accounts doesn't prevent him from opening new ones. Throwing pictures away doesn't solve anything at all. Before you think of getting married you should enter into couples counseling.
    mckenzie134's Avatar
    mckenzie134 Posts: 647, Reputation: 67
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    #12

    May 17, 2007, 11:40 PM
    If you are arguing about pictures then your relationship WILL NOT WORK!! You both sound like you should not be together. When you enter into a new relationship you should be well over your last one you you can invest you love into the new one! Obviously there are past issues here which will never be resolved.

    Pictures are the least of anyone's woryy my ex had pictures of her and her ex but one of the first things she told me was that she was no longer into him she is with me now. That way she could be a great girlfriend to me and give me what I needed!!
    LOUNTASH's Avatar
    LOUNTASH Posts: 73, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    May 18, 2007, 01:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by iamintrouble
    I and my boyfriend broke up before, and now we were get back in the relationship almost 10 months. Iím living in his apartment (for his required), but I still keeping my own apartment. He threw away all the pictures of his previous relationship that show him he is serious with ours before we get back together. Weíre in serious relationship and he says I am the one he would marry to. But he hasnít made a proposal.
    My question is in our relationship situation, do I need to throw my exís pictures away and make it fair? He threw all pictures away because he want to show he want this relationship and want me to forgive him what he had done. But he thinks I should do the same. What I think is, I wasnít the one did something wrong in this relationship and try to get it back. Why I need to do the same, throw the exís pictures away. I think I will throw it all away after if he proposed me. But not because he did it and I need to do the same. Any advice?
    Welll I not in a relationship and I have been single for a year and a half now and I have kept the pictures of my ex and hurt me really bad as he abused me but I still think about him and when I am alone I always look at the pictures and I think I still would if I was taken cause he was the one I lost v too and he would still be a distant memory in my mind

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