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mermaidtears · May 23, 2013, 10:37 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, we're a pretty laid back couple and don't get bothered by much. I do my thing, he does his, he doesn't have expectations of my appearance, if I want to wear makeup he doesn't care and if I want to be comfy he doesn't care, as long as I'm confident he's happy.
Well lately he's been getting jealous over me seeing one of our guy friends. He still lets me talk to him, so he's not very restricting. But whenever he's over and that guy texts me, my boyfriend wants to have sex.
Is it normal to want to do this when jealous? I don't mind but it's been on my mind a lot lately.

einaj555 · May 24, 2013, 11:39 AM

Yes it is normal for him to be jealous, not so normal about the sex part but guys tend to do those kinds of things when jealous ,so yes it is normal

Cat1864 · May 24, 2013, 12:11 PM

He is trying to assert his dominance and make certain that you know you are 'his'. While it isn't uncommon behavior it isn't acceptable behavior.

You need to talk to him and let him know it is not okay to use you as an object to make himself feel better. He isn't making love or having sex with you. Jealousy is not a good way to spice up your sex life.

He isn't as laid back as he wants you to believe. He needs to work on his jealousy. It says a lot when you say that he allows you to talk to your friend. Then you say he isn't 'very restricting'. It sounds like you may be conforming to what he wants without him being obvious about stating his expectations.

Take a look at your relationship and make certain he isn't being more controlling than you realize.

Homegirl 50 · May 24, 2013, 02:11 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, we're a pretty laid back couple and don't get bothered by much. I do my thing, he does his, he doesn't have expectations of my appearance, if I want to wear makeup he doesn't care and if I want to be comfy he doesn't care, as long as I'm confident he's happy.
Well lately he's been getting jealous over me seeing one of our guy friends. He still lets me talk to him, so he's not very restricting. But whenever he's over and that guy texts me, my boyfriend wants to have sex.
Is it normal to want to do this when jealous? I don't mind but it's been on my mind a lot lately.

He gets jealous over your seeing one of your guy friends, seeing him how? Then he allows you to talk to him but wants to have sex when he knows you are texting him?
He is letting you and this guy know that you are his property. You may not see it as restricting but it is controlling. Your relationship is not as laid back as you think. That is messed up!

mermaidtears · May 24, 2013, 10:55 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, we're a pretty laid back couple and don't get bothered by much. I do my thing, he does his, he doesn't have expectations of my appearance, if I want to wear makeup he doesn't care and if I want to be comfy he doesn't care, as long as I'm confident he's happy.
Well lately he's been getting jealous over me seeing one of our guy friends. He still lets me talk to him, so he's not very restricting. But whenever he's over and that guy texts me, my boyfriend wants to have sex.
Is it normal to want to do this when jealous? I don't mind but it's been on my mind a lot lately.

He gets jealous over your seeing one of your guy friends, seeing him how? Then he allows you to talk to him but wants to have sex when he knows you are texting him?
He is letting you and this guy know that you are his property. You may not see it as restricting but it is controlling. Your relationship is not as laid back as you think. That is messed up!

By seeing him I mean hanging out or making plans to do stuff, my boyfriend and I talked about it and he said he's just very immature when it comes to jealousy, and he knows our friend wouldn't cross any line and I can still see him and everything but I kind of feel like he's trying to assert dominance when he knows I get final say in arguments but I don't know.

Homegirl 50 · May 25, 2013, 07:01 AM

He is most certainly asserting dominance when he wants sex when you are texting this boy. Jealousy can be a very ugly and volatile emotion. This is his way of getting his way. This situation is a bit dysfunctional.
How old are the two of you?

mermaidtears · May 26, 2013, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He is most certainly asserting dominance when he wants sex when you are texting this boy. Jealousy can be a very ugly and volatile emotion. This is his way of getting his way. This situation is a bit dysfunctional.
How old are the two of you?

I'm 17, and he's 18.

talaniman · May 26, 2013, 11:54 AM

You both should be communicating honestly and calmly about your concerns and agree on boundaries of good behavior between you, that you both think is reasonable, and can live within.