My boyfriend got busted trying to hang out with a girl. I asked why, he said it was because she was "different." I kept asking "how different?" tooth and nail, it finally came out "because she was bigger than me. OK, my dude's into thick girls. Fine.
But then, I ran into her. She is a lot smaller than me and curvy. I was more athletic with big boobs. I confronted him. He said he liked her because she is thinner than me?!
First I'm too skinny, then I'm too fat?? He begs me to stay with him and now I'm totally paranoid and insecure. It's been about a year and before I was average- now I am fat! I think it's because I'm depressed. Now, he doesn't want to have sex with me because I really am fat. He swares he loves me and will not let me break up with him, he won't look for another place, I beg him that our relationship is toxic and if he really loved me he would move on so I could take care of myself and find someone who loved me for me.
He says I am the perfect girl and he loves me and wants to be with me forever- but we haven't had sex for a year and he has hinted at having sex with me if I lose weight. How sick is that??
I keep gaining weight and I know it has to do with this relationship.
If I lose weight and get back to my normal self- I know I wouldn't want to have sex with him just to spite him.

I'm right,right? He's messed up and I'm screwy for even being around him?
There are other qualities that are sooo right about him- but these actions are fundamental on his character right?

Help!

If he doesn't want to be with you cause you're a little bigger than before than he's a... if he really loves you than what you look like would not matter.. "you dont love someone cause their beautiful...their beautiful cause you love them" if he's not physically attracted to you than find someone who is cause you might be wasting your time with him when there is someone out there who would love everything about you

Omg he is a jerk!
I think that, you need to stop letting him talk you into staying with him and be done with him. You don't seem happy at all. Don't lose weight, I bet you look gorgeous just the way you are. And sex can wait. I think you should end it before it gets out of hand. You could be going through some serious depression or even anorexia if he keeps talking to you like this. I hope I helped.

Hi there! I think if you reread your post, you will know what to do.

"he swares he loves me and will not let me break up with him"

He does not have a monopoly on decision making. You can choose to break up with him.

"he won't look for another place"

Does he pay half the rent, utilities, food, etc. Has he signed a lease with you? Is this your place? If so, pack his bags, set them outside on the front steps, phone him, let him know they are waiting to be picked up. (Just being a decent person, make arrangements so you will know his things are safe but tell him they have to be picked up by a certain time). If they have not been picked up by that time, don't worry if they are stolen.

"but we haven't had sex for a year and he has hinted at having sex with me if i lose weight"

I am a proponent for sex within the confines of marriage.
Bottom line... I don't see that you have a relationship with this guy nor should you. I agree with you that he is toxic to you. If you continue, your self-respect, self-image, ambition, and health in general will deteriorate until you will find it difficult to get through the day. You deserve better.

Every End Is A New Beginning! Begin again, eat healthy, be all you can be, regain your self-respect, take control of your own destiny... make decisions that will help you accomplish your goals, and in the process, your inner beauty will surface and in so doing, your outer beauty will be enhanced even more than you ever knew. A person who is self-confident, has a self-love and self-respect, can walk into any room and command that room. Beauty is who you are as a person. You need to reintroduce yourself to that person!! I think you will find you have missed her much more than you will miss this guy! You will look back and wonder why you stayed in this situation so long.

You are not alone in your struggles. People try to control people all the time. Sometimes, it comes so slowly you don't even realize it until you just cannot function on your own. You are the only one that can make a decision to break away and move forward. For your happiness and health, I pray that you will. Best to you!

I would bet shot.
You ahv not had sex in a year and he's telling you to lose weight.
Get rid of the dead weight then HIM

... he said that she was "fatter" because he didn't want to get in trouble.

Then he got in trouble.

Then the truth came out.

He's not LETTING you break up with him? d-bag's lucky you're not throwing his crap all over the street. Dump him. Ignore calls. He suggested you'd have more sex if you were skinnier... that's... not good.

Overall, get rid of this garbage.

May I make one more suggestion? Please change your name from "Pathetic", to--- "Purposeful", "Pretty", "Pleasure",. anything but "Pathetic"! You are NOT pathetic, so don't identify yourself in that way! That is what HE is doing to you! DON'T LET HIM DO THAT! I think you gave yourself that name on here because that is how he makes you feel all of the time. You don't want to feel that way for the rest of your life do you? Show the guy the curb and don't worry if there's too much traffic! ;)

Why are you letting him do this to you? Don't blame him for being an a$$, blame yourself for putting up with the bad behavior, and do something about it. Love yourself enough to know, you deserve better. Fat, skinny, or cockeyed, cheating is a no-no.

The answer is right in front of you. Lose the weight and you will both be happy!

I disagree! If she wants to lose weight for herself that is fine if that is what she wants! But to lose weight in order for HIM to be happy? She owes him nothing! The sooner she gets rid of him and feels better about herself, the sooner she will find someone worthy of her love!

Honey, this guy is a player and a jerk and you deserve better. There is nothing wrong with you or how you look. This guy is making you feel bad, and he is probably doing it in order to control you. He was caught cheating and now his excuse is that you are too big? That is ridiculous! He is a jerk, get rid of him. I don't care how many other good qualities you think he has, this is a reason to break up! Dump him today before he makes you feel any worse about yourself.

You deserve to be with someone who will be faithful to you, love you for who you are, and appreciate you for the beautiful person that you are. There are good guys out there, so don't waste your time on this loser! Please don't feel badly about yourself. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him being a cheater and manipulator. If you need to talk, I'm on here all the time. I feel so bad for what you are going through!

P.S. You are not pathetic, honey. He is.

That fella is adescrace I can't believe he said that,you need to get rid if he won't move out then you should unless its ahouse you own get the police to remove him from your property,if you don't want to get the police involved then when he goes out get afew friends round pack his stuff and leave it at his mums or 1 of his mates but get him out even if you have to leave it outside you house or apartment,change the locks put afew bolts on the door just to make sure he won't be getting in,ask your friends to stay afew days to keep you company if he cums back he is going to say very hurtfull things and you'll need your friends for support and to make sure you don't let him back in


I hope you get rid of that low life and find yourself agood man who deserves you and treats you the way you should be treated
Let us no how you go on

Excuse me OK... u should have broken up with him from starts when he cheated u OK . U made a choise. Ok now you gain Weight ? Why? SO HE CAN CHEAT U AGAIN MAYBE?

Why U eat so MUCH ? Because you are low ESTIMEd UnSecure For Cheating u , And what you do u little EMO , U EAT MORE so he can brake you again .

NOthing For Woman with this Type of mentality.

This is your first post, and this is what you decided to write? This is YOUR type of mentally sweetheart! Learn some grammar, and read the rules and regulations of this site. Did you happen to notice the date of this thread? Do your homework, before you come on here and start insulting people with you theories and criticisms. Go do your homework, and work on your spelling, and again read RULES AND REGULATIONS! That was just plain childish!

Pwnage...

I think you're pretty funny. Not because of what you wrote, but how you wrote it... and because it tickles me to think people like you actually exist in this world. Only shows Darwin was wrong. Really... really... wrong.

1) He is a a--hole.
2) Your not fat, he is a cheater.
3) No sex for a year, where has he been?
4) Who pays the bills?
5) If you pay the bills, then when he is not around change the locks and get all his stuff and leave it outside and get a restraining order. Yes, that is what I said.
6) If it is not your place then you be the smart one and leave asap. Like right now.
7) Let him beg, whine, cry and whatever this guys does and end it and end it for good.
8) You get out of the relationship that is more then toxic, ITS ABUSIVE. You need to start taking care of yourself and you will be a better person for doing it.
9) To be quite honest yes your screwy for staying in a relationship this long with this guy, but its not too late to get out of it. Right?
10) I wish you a better future and better health. Your depression and low self esteem need to be worked on.
11) Please get yourself into counseling. Figure out where the low esteem comes from work on yourself as a person and never let anybody ever do what this a--hole did to you ever again.

Joe

Seriously guys! What is up with people bringing up dead posts? Every time I log onto the site, some jerk digs up an ancient post, decides he/she would like to show their educational level(in this case my girlfriends 5 year old could put together better sentences) and then realize they have failed at making a joke

I think the post should have read something like this

"Excuse me, okay...You should have broken up with him from the START when he cheated on you, okay? You made a CHOICE.(fragmented sentence) Okay, now you gain weight, why? So she can cheat on you again, maybe?

Why do you eat so much? Because you have low self ESTEEM, unsecure for him cheating on you. And then what do you do little emo(I have no idea) you eat more so he can BREAK you again? Nothing for a woman with this type of mentality"

I have a point to make here for you. Actually I did not realize that it was a dead post at all, but I answered anyway. You know what. Bringing back a dead post might not be so bad, there are people in similar situations and maybe this thread will help answer there questions. I know old threads coming up again can get frustrating at the same time maybe it will serve a purpose, to somebody that is reading this thread in the same similar situations plus the one that does not know how to follow the rules of the site and grammar, no need to make fun, but the point was already made that this person is new and did not correctly answer this question.

I don't see how a thread like this could serve a purpose in being brought up, especially if that person reads the post that the grave digger posted to the OP. It could prove to sway them from coming onto here for advice. The poster had no problem speaking their uneducated mind so I felt the need to help others better understand what they were getting at.

The reason "I" felt to need the answer, was for the same purpose. If the OP comes on and read that riduculous answer to that dug up post, she might not post again for our help, because some newbie who doesn't yet know how to navigate this site, or how to give helpful responses, wanted to come on and say a whole lot of nonsense to someone who had a legitimate question.