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    CantLetGo1227's Avatar
    CantLetGo1227 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 21, 2008, 03:35 PM
    No-Contact led to some contact.
    Ok, so I've been posting this situation the past few weeks with my ex girlfriend and I. We broke up, ended on bad terms, we dated for about a year and I heard after the breakup, that her and another guy were becoming close... I let it be... We hadn't talked in about 3 weeks and last week she went away on vacation with her family and the day she got back... She unblocked me from Instant Messenger. I was confused on why this happened so I asked "what made you unblock me", She told me she thought about things and thought it was immature to block me from things, and she wants to continue a friendship with me, but she insists she still loves me, but she wants to move on from me. Now She said she wants to enjoy the next few months of her high school career with her friends withouth worries of a boyfriend and said that maybe when she goes off to college, things will be different...

    Now what should I do? We spoke online for 3 hours last night and were all in cheerful moods, but she told me she doesn't want to see me or hang out, but just to keep it as a friendship for now... am I just being played here? Or is it that she misses me and doesn't want to lose me, but then again she said she wants both of us to move on? Im confused on what to do, any help is appreciated, Thanks!
    duck22's Avatar
    duck22 Posts: 115, Reputation: 31
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Apr 21, 2008, 03:47 PM
    I think the best thing to do is to move on. She already told you that she does not want you as her boyfriend and if you try to push the issue you will only push her further away. If you can handle only being friends with her do that, but if you can't then you should put her in the past.

    Also, as far as things being different when she goes off to college, do not get your hopes up. If anything at all she will just be further away then she is now.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Apr 21, 2008, 03:49 PM
    She is now happy without you, but want to be sure she can control you for a while and make sure you are miserable missing her.
    That is why no contact needs to be no contact.

    You did not "NEED" to contact her but did, all other hopes are this are the reasons for no contact.
    CantLetGo1227's Avatar
    CantLetGo1227 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Apr 21, 2008, 03:49 PM
    I understand, its just that after 3 weeks of no speaking, she came around to tell me she still loves me but wants to keep it on a social basis only right now, and see where the future leads. So to me it hurts because I would love to hang out with her and she what happens, but maybe it is best to just get away from her and move on, because I can't just be friends with her, we had a great relationship that ended sour but the feelings are still there for both of us... im not sure
    bigbird213's Avatar
    bigbird213 Posts: 681, Reputation: 110
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    #5

    Apr 21, 2008, 03:56 PM
    Often times, the dumper begins the process of getting over the relationship well before the actual words are spoken. This has been seen time and time again. Because of this, the dumpee is left wondering what happened and heart broken.

    Now, I'm not saying this is your situation, but on the chance that it is you need to consider this:

    Perhaps she is being totally honest. She likes you as a person, but the romantic feelings have faded. She wants to be friends with you. That's all well and good for her, but you need to understand whether you can handle that. After such a short time, it is hard to imagine that you can be perfectly fine being only friends with her. Trust me when I say allowing yourself to be dragged along, in denial or not, is one of the most painful things you can do. Ask yourself some questions:

    -Can you be a friend of hers if she wants to talk about a new 'interest'?
    -Can you be sure that your friendship won't bring back feelings for her?

    Whatever you do... just be careful bud
    CantLetGo1227's Avatar
    CantLetGo1227 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Apr 21, 2008, 04:53 PM
    Thank you for you input, I'm going to consider this next time she wants to have a conversations
    nickshehe's Avatar
    nickshehe Posts: 254, Reputation: 47
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    #7

    Apr 21, 2008, 06:56 PM
    Sorry but I can only see this as going sour in the end..
    You shouldn't have talked to her to begin with.. You sound like you are very hopeful of something happening between you two.. you mention wanting to hang out and see what goes from there e.t.c e.t.c...
    It shouldn't matter if she wants to be friends or not, what matters is you. Yes - she cares about you, but not enough to want to be with you.. I don't know how many times I've read on this site where the dumper would say "I love you and can't imagine my life without you" . If you love me and can't imagine my life without you then why are you removing me from your life?
    You should ask yourself that. It doesn't mean you should seek revenge, or insult her, or anything.. but when you're ready to become her friend(and I'm sorry man but you're clearly not ready) - then you can start talking to her again... but until then stop the contact. It will only lead to you getting confused(as it already has) and lead you to false hope.
    In my case, where my ex keeps trying to contact me(and I don't reply) it could be:

    a) she truly loves me and doesn't want to lose me
    b) she's bored that given moment in time
    c) she's shortening the leash and trying to keep me close

    But whatever the case. I'm not ready, until I can honestly say that I don't feel for her anymore then I won't talk to her.
    jpm247's Avatar
    jpm247 Posts: 88, Reputation: 18
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    #8

    Apr 22, 2008, 01:37 AM
    I'd have to agree with Nick and the other posts to be honest.

    I know that there is no way I could be friends with my ex, whilst feelings are present on my side, and I sure as hell could'nt hear about her and new guys etc.

    Id stay with NC, it is a selfish act, but you're the most important person now not her.

    She's been selfish by dumping you, and wanting you around in a friend capacity. As hard as it is you need to put you first, its not easy but it needs to be done.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Apr 22, 2008, 09:26 AM
    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2706434, For the whole story. Seems everyone agrees you should leave her alone and deal with your own life. I guess you didn't believe what I advised in your other posts. Her motives are crystal clear, and so are her actions, as your only confused because it not going the way you want. Let it go.
    log's Avatar
    log Posts: 93, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #10

    Apr 25, 2008, 12:09 PM
    Hey bud just read your post... sounds like my past! The truth is don't confuse yourself by calling her it will pull you down and make you think about stuff that will drive you crazy,. from what I read it seems like she is holding you on "just in case" something happens to her and all fails on her side .it may seem everything is cool when you guys do chat but don't give your hopes up .let her do the work and see where it goes from there.when you start to work your mind in other thoughts and activities,you'll be left in a better state and a better place.now I'm not saying to not be friends with her but just give yourself time to heal.. this may take a while but you will feel better!
    brian1231's Avatar
    brian1231 Posts: 113, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Apr 25, 2008, 12:31 PM
    Go NC for a while. You are both VERY young. Things never usually work out between HS->College. You'd rather not have a girlfriend the 1st semester or two of college knowing what most girls do there.
    CantLetGo1227's Avatar
    CantLetGo1227 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #12

    Apr 25, 2008, 12:39 PM
    Ya, thanks guys, the past few days we have talked a minimal only online, and it hasn't been going to so well. All we end up talking about are the what ifs and the chances of things happening again. Im starting to get fed up with it myself because she's currently "talking" with someone new, yet is all about being an online undercover friend, but she doesn't want to hang out or anything yet... so NC is probably the best thing... if she comes back, shell come back... but right now talking to her is having me there "in case" so if I just walk away... the truth should come out... thanks everyone

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