:confused: what to do about a boyfriend who nit picks at you for the stupidest reasons? example
1) telling me I don't use my brain when I'm around him!
2)me not washing me hands after everything, like when a cat is sitting a foot away from me. I haven't touched it, its not in my plate. What's the problem or is it just me?
3) he tells me that I do not try and that I need to try harder( I think try harder on what? To make him happy) what am I doing wrong?
There are other things, I just cannot think of them right now(any IDEAS)?
Just nit picking in general, which I don't know if he realizes it or not but it really puts me down. What should I do ?we just got off a 3 day break, when 3 days later after he came back. He's back to acting his normal self again telling me these things. Even if I am a little ditzy, shouldn't he love me for this anyway ?
Last edited by nicolieolie5990; Jan 4, 2008 at 12:51 PM.
Eura had a good post there! I am one of those who nit-pick on others too, especially those who are closest to me.
I guess most people who do this are brought up in a family who criticizes and evaluates everything we do. We want to do everything right. So, we end up telling others what they have done wrong or what are the things that they do which do not match our standards.
My boyfriend has told me about my tendecies of putting him down. He highlighted the fact that the reason I am emphasizing on the flaws of others is because I am experiencing insecurities in myself. To some extend, I believe this to be true because I feel terrrribly wrong if I do something wrong or something that is below the standards expected of me.
If possible, ask your boyfriend to read Eura's post after you have talked to him about how his nit-picking has made you feel intimidated and unwanted. You may need to talk to him a few times. Initially, I did not get what my boyfriend was trying to mean until our relationship was on rocky grounds.
My best advice is... try to understand his family background and then learn to turn a deaf ear to his nit-picking. Just smile and shrug it off. You will be happier that way, because it is very,very tough to overcome the need to nit-pick.
He has two critical faults - the demeaning of you and the obsessive compulsive behavior concerning the hand washing. The demeaning of you is very critical and important to address. You are not a stupid person and you have just as much of a brain as he does. Does he use 100% of his brain 100% of the time? Do any of us?
I would not accept someone telling me I did not use my brain when I am around him. You know what that means? If you would use all your brain when you are around him, you would realize that you are much better off without him. Why settle for someone who puts you down? Who tries to make himself smarter by saying you are less smart? His insecurities do not need to be fed by you.
As far as the handwashing - common sense and hygiene apply. How many times is he requiring you to wash your hands? How many times does he wash his hands?
Ask yourself if you see yourself in this relationship for the long term. Ask yourself if your live would be happier with him or without him (the famous Ann Landers question).
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