I need some advice: I agreed to a no strings attached relationship with a man whom I've known for a few years. He used to be a frequent customer at the supercenter I work at. We ran into each other online after he and his girlfriend broke up. I made an offhanded comment that single wasn't so bad that I enjoyed it. And not long after we started texting. He was really nice and I liked talking to him. We agreed to no strings... he would make offhanded comments about taking a nap together or a bath. I wrote up as sexual but he said it wasn't... But then would say "no strings right?"... We hooked up and he made sure that I got off. The next time he asked me if I knew why and I said "so you could me again" then he said "so you'd come back".

The next time we just hung out and the next time he hand fed me afterwards it was a while before we saw each other in that capacity again due to a family member staying with him but we texted everyday... and at one point I'd locked myself out of my car and he without me asking he came and got it unlocked. Then one night I got snowed in town rented a hotel and he came and we hooked up and he stayed but slept in the chair. The next morning he scraped the ice off my windshield. The next time was sort of intense.. And I ended up giving up a lot of control... which I normally don't do. And text convos started ending with kissy emojis from him... And I realized that I needed to step back and make sure I wasn't getting too close... because it'd be easy he made me laugh and we could talk for hours...

Well I went out on a couple dates with someone. But when I had a nightmare I texted my no strings guy out of habit (?) And we started talking again... just like before. The last time we hooked up I stayed the night he gave up his bed and slept on the couch though. Said he hoped I didn't get offended but that's where he'd been sleeping anyway. I ended up getting cold and he went and grabbed a blanket off the couch and covered me up. The next day he texted me and ended up making the comment that I seemed to have slept well (which I did) and he texts me to be careful...

This is new to me. I've done relationships and no strings and neither was anything like this. What is going on here?

When you give away the most intimate and meaningful part of any relationship, that would be sex, for having your car unlocked, or windshield scraped, there isn't much left to make any relationship with is there.

When you start with nothing, you end up with nothing.

He won't literally sleep with you after sex, because he is keeping his end of the bargain. Raw sex only, no attachments. Much like animals in the wild.

Now you are trying to understand- what exactly? You are developing feelings for him? Trying to understand why you can't shut off the 99% of you that needs more than sex? Trying to understand what the meaning is in him helping you out a bit?

When you give yourself away as you have, what do you expect? Suddenly a real romance starts to blossom? You are working backwards, and fall into the same trap as millions do, thinking that sex is somehow not a part of anything else. You can block out everything except sex, until you can't any more. And now you are wondering why.

Try keeping your pants on, and before you hop into the sack with anyone, think a little bit about the consequences, having now experienced them. If you can't manage you using him for sex, and he using you for sex, without some consequence, then try perhaps another man who is interested in what you thought you were.

It never works out.

I agree, "friends with benefits" or a sex partner is just that, fun for the sex. They may help with little things, but you do not start dating, movies and other things and you do not sleep together, that is one of the bigger rules, since you do not want the snuggling, and the comfort of a sleep partner.

Why are you so surprised and confused as most new sex relationships are good in the beginning be they no strings attached or just friends with benefits. Maybe you have never experienced it before, but it happens often, so enjoy it while it lasts before it gets complicated, and the lust wears off.

What did you expect? What has been your experience so far? Maybe he is right and you should listen when he says maybe you should be careful.

Well, I think this one's pretty clear. It's not like he gave you (or you gave him) the impression that this was a relationship and he left or cheated or such. You two made it pretty clear what "this was" upfront, no? No-strings attached means that and he seems to be holding up his side of the bargain. I don't understand why you are asking about this if nothing has been stated or expressed to go against what you two set up from the beginning?

'Friends with benefits' is okay. I have had one for a long long time but we both know that is all it is. It doesn't go any further and I rather enjoy that connection. It comes with mutual RESPECT and maturity. Key word is RESPECT. Second is MATURITY ! This makes it a different ballgame.

I will agree, they can have their place. But both parties have to understand what it really is. And as in any relationship, lots of communication, as either feels things changing, or if rules need to change.

Here in China they are so common, that I have to be honest, I do not hardly know anyone, that has not had. Or is not in such a relationship.