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binx44 · Dec 14, 2009, 11:55 AM

Well.. here I am at college... and the day my exams start I find out he's been sleeping with my friend... and she had been staying there all weekend.. as the week panned out (last week) I found out more and more lies.. like he was sleeping with another one of my friends while I was at work, that he's never had a girl he didn't cheat on.. that he "loves me" yet likes her the list goes on... I've been dumped over 9 times in the last eight years by this guy.. I now have no home to live in, no way to pay my tuition that is due in January. I don't know what to do. I feel like my life has fallen to pieces. He said he couldn't trust me.. yet now it seems like I couldn't trust him not the other way around. On top of it all he just called to tell me that him and my friend (he was going to spend my birthday with me and my friends as a goodbye since I did want to stay friends with him) are going to the city to the bars and staying in a hotel together.. why is he doing this to hurt me... I don't deserve this... its making my life a living hell.. I can't concentrate, study, sleep, finding it hard to eat... I wish I hadn't kept going back to him.. why did I keep going back to him.. what the heck do I do now... I don't even know any more.

I wish · Dec 14, 2009, 12:08 PM

It's time to get out of this toxic relationship and get your life together.

You don't need a boyfriend. You don't need additional and unnecessary stress.

What you need is to take care of yourself and to stabilize your own life.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2009, 12:09 PM

Hi Binx, I have watched you on other threads so my advice will come as no shock to you, and despite the misery and pain your going through, your smart enough to get rid of this liar and cheater, and get a better class of friends.

Your circle is very toxic, and you have wasted enough of your life on false friends and cheaters.

The world will look a lot better when you change your personal environment and get beyond this colossal betrayal.

Not easy I know, but about time.

binx44 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:12 PM

I never thought it was as bad as it was until now... I don't even know how I'm going to afford things from now on. I'm 4000 dollars short on tuition... with no job and no time after school for a job because of the requirements and how busy we are... no clue at all where to live... I wish I had opened my eyes and seen this sooner I really do.. maybe then it wouldn't have hurt this much. I've lost ALL my friends from down home, the man I thought I knew and loved wasn't the man I thought he was... why did this all have to happen just when I thought life was getting better?

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:12 PM

Its seems you have reached the point of no return..

Finally you have suffered enough, I know right now its cold comfort, but now that he is gone so is misery he brought with him.

He cheated on you,chances are he will treat your ex friend the same...

Tell yourself your glad its over,his bloody stories were boring and he was a jerk of the highest order.

The next thing to do is get proactive... you need a plan.. as best you can park the hurt emotions and use your head.

You need a roof over your head.

And you need food.

I see by your post count that you have been around for a while, so you know the drill...

NO CONTACT... it should be easy knowing what he has done.

As for why you went back again and again, let it go,it does not matter now,your human,forgive yourself, because you need you now... look ahead,make a plan and from now on in HE WILL NEVER HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU AGAIN!

Ever.

binx44 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:14 PM

This has been so hard what with exams happening at the same time... I have two exams left.. then its christmas break and I still don't know where I'm going to go...

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:16 PM

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

This is your by line... look around, look for the open door of opportunity.

paxe · Dec 14, 2009, 12:17 PM

Yes, as redhead said, you need to be proactive. I am sure there is a plan you can make to get your life back on track. This is the time where you need to get control of your life and decide what you need to do.

Write up a plan and stick to it. Apply NC right now and start taking care of yourself.

binx44 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:18 PM

He was all I had known for eight years ( I'll be 23 on dec 31st) I'm terrified right now because of all this... I know I don't want to date anyone again.. I know I have to talk to him to tell him how I feel.. that I'm sick of his lying and if he asks me back out again. To not bother because I can't handle the pain any more.. we used to be so happy. I wish I could have seen something was wrong... he didn't even have the nerve to tell me to my face... instead he called me and told me.. I always thought I knew him better than that. That things were going to be better... I don't even know if I know myself any more.. I don't trust any of my friends any more.. I don't even want to have anything to do with them...

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:21 PM

Binx,what about your family, your really upset now,but at least if you could go home after the exams it might help to be around people who love you... you need some tlc right now... the plan can come later..

Is there someone at home you can call?

binx44 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:23 PM

My mothers been going through a rough time with her husband being ill... his three kids have moved in with them.. there isn't space for me no matter how much she would like to help. I have family in calgary. I know I might be able to move there.. but I can't afford to fly there for christmas... the ex's family is upset. They have gifts and money for me (for school) I just got a message from his mother.. but I can't bring myself to go there I don't think.. I know they wouldn't ask me over while he was there.. but I know it will hurt. Considering I see them as family and they see me as familya I don't talk to the rest of my family. I haven't for at least 7 years.

paxe · Dec 14, 2009, 12:23 PM

8 years is a long time but life continues. If you reread your posts, you will see you need to calm down and take care of yourself first and foremost. We're here to give you advice and you do need to be proactive.There is plenty of good men and women out there, right now you need to straighten your head first.

He's a jerk and you DO NEED TO APPLY NC ASAP. It's really important because you need to get back on your feet fast, especially if you don't know where you are going to live.

paxe · Dec 14, 2009, 12:25 PM

The fact that you can't find a place to stay is due to lack of money or lack of space?

binx44 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:26 PM

I know I do paxe.. its.. its just I'm so stressed I don't even know what to do with myself.. my wildfire suppression exam is tomorrow and I'm so upset I can't seem to study for it. I don't want to fail . I can't afford the 100 dollars to take the supplimental exam... I wish I knew where to start to get my life on track... do I start with tuition... where I'd have a roof over my head.. should I just give up and try again another year... I love it here at forestry college.. more than anything I've ever done before... I've never been by myself. And I am so alone all of a sudden...

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:30 PM

Binx,there was a time in my life when I was in serious trouble,I really needed help,and I tried to thinhk of someone I could ask for help,out of all the people I knew there was not one I could trust to help me... it was a sorry day for me I can tell you.

After 2 weeks of misery, I told my mother ( and we never saw eye to eye),and just saying the words helped... call her.. shes your mother,and she loves you.

Even just a call,see what she says.

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:32 PM

You not alone, can you not see the calvery here to support you, horse men included!

Take one thing at a time... whats the most important thing right now... the exam tomorrow?

paxe · Dec 14, 2009, 12:34 PM

I live in canada so I know the services that the government offers:
1. First go talk to your student advisor and explain your situation
2. All canadian universities have the H1N1 self-reporting form that can be used to defer exams and supplemental exams, you can use it in your case
3. You need to go and visit your bank. RBC, scotia bank and others offer great rates to student seeking loans. Don't worry about not having credit they will offer you one even if you have no history.
4. Apply for the government loan. It offers a good amount of funds for students who are not working and the interest rates are very low.
5. Start looking for an apartment, with a roommate preferably, as soon as you get the loan from the bank.
6. Learn to live alone, it's not the end of the world, we all do it.
7. Apply NC asap and read the stickies up front.

This is what proactive means. Your list should be that or be very similar to that and then you take actions. It is a very rough time but believe us that it will get better. For now take care of these steps and take care of you. You are letting your emotions getting the better of you.

binx44 · Dec 14, 2009, 01:09 PM

I already have a student loan.. they will not give me any more money until next year... this is a college not a university and it works a bit differently at this one. They don't have a counselor, no financial advisor.. no nurse.. (which I thought was odd).. I've not heard of anything about being able to defer exams...

talaniman · Dec 14, 2009, 01:22 PM

Part of being proactive, is hunting down the facts that apply to you, and finding out what your options are.

This will be your greatest learning adventure and you should embrace the opportunity to do for yourself, and I think you will find help along they way when you need it.

Your personal signature is so appropriate

paxe · Dec 14, 2009, 01:24 PM

Of course you can, by law you must be able. You can go to the doctor and tell him you don't feel well and he'll give you a note, like this you can defer your exam.
Is the student loan from the government or the bank? If it is from the government, you can ask from the bank for some loan. Furthermore, when you say you won't receive it until next year, is next year 2010 January?
You have some vacation time, how hard would it be to work in a fast food joint or another place for some fast cash? That will help you out.
What about the other steps? Do you have some funds or can your mom send you some?