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He has an Unknown illness, (why) why is it not know, if it is this serious why has he not been to the doctor many times finding out what is wrong and being treated?

He took money from a "change" jar to help a friend for food and you get angry, sorry I think I would have left you for being so controlling of the money.

Hi Chuck,

He does go to the hospital, but the tests come back saying everything is fine which is very frustrating for him so he has a device which is monitoring his heart.
As for myself- he has no savings for himself and gets paid on a weekly basis, he can help his friends with his wages. This change was to help him with a holiday he has always wanted so I felt he should have budgeted.
It might not be the best way to look at it- happy to hold my hands up.
But my intentions were good & not self-centred.

I stand by my words, If I had a friend, and there was a jar, I was also putting money into, and I took some out, I would have merely told my wife or girlfriend, to shut up, if she even dared tried to tell me, what I could or could not do.

You are not even a wife, and certainly not his mother. And from what you said, and how it sounded, I would say the fact you earn more money, does not get forgotten, you are sure to remind him, I think.

With that said, he did not put up a barrier, You pushed one on him, if he stopped smoking or did not, sorry, again, not your business, and certainly not one to interrogate him over. It showed you had no trust and again wanted to control his actions.

I would say, he should feel blessed to be away from you.

As for as NC, just do it, no contact. Delete him from Facebook, don't go look at his page, unfriend him. After that don't answer any email, don't read a text message, just delete them unread.

You got upset because he gave a friend money for food? Food? Was this fast food or would this person have gone hungry without the food? It's not like he gave the money for a bag of weed. You have to put it in perspective.

Also, this was money saved for a trip HE wanted. It can be postponed unless it was already scheduled paid for.

I too think you might throw the fact that you earn more in his face more than you might realize, or be willing to admit.

The reasons for a break up are almost irrelevant but in this case he made his bed and must lie in it, and you have to accept that he is unwilling to fix it. NC is seldom an easy thing to do, and actually becomes harder before it gets easier and that may be a long time. Right now you are still in shock over the event and can only see the regrets and mistakes, but it's only been a week and you have to consider he was planning on leaving for a while and finally found the courage to do so.

None of this relieves the emotional pain, and I hope your best friend wasn't your only friend as that's what helps us all get through the trauma of a break up of a long term relationship. Friends, family, and activities, can offer some short term relief and support through this time until the shock can wear off, and you can see more than just your loss.

The alone times though are the hardest in the beginning and no shame in crying and venting those feelings because acknowledging the hurt is a healthy thing. It's only been a week, so please do not isolate yourself too much, and stay busy with those that can support you until the shock wears off and you can see not just your part in this, but his also.

Guys, I do not talk about what I earn, I just know it is something he has felt strange about in the past as he has communicated this.

As for the food, he had money he just chose to take it out of our savings and no the friend would not have gone hungry.
I am slightly taken about by the reception of this as I understand that this site is for honesty, but if someone feels bad enough I do not think it is very kind to further twist in the knife.
I am not throwing a pity party for myself, just wanted to communicate with people I thought would understand.

Thank you for the words, I will reflect.

I have to agree with you. After reading some of the replies, I thought damn they really weren't very nice and I saw the other side of a responder that I have not seen before. Sorry for the situation you are in.

Now that is rather ignorant and rude to deleted your question... Typical Noob. Never thinks of others that can be helped buy their own problems in the future.

Since the op has decided to change her question, this thread is now closed.