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bustertypsy · Mar 4, 2008, 06:27 AM

Whilst I agree in principal with No Contact to firstly heal,but secondly make the ex miss you and lead to a possible reconciliation,does anyone agree that going strictly NC could lead to the ex thinking you don't give a damn about them and you have moved on?

I would hate to think that my ex thinks I couldn't care less about her because I have simply disappeared when I would still take her back if she made the move to reconcile with me.
How do I know she's not wishing that I would pick up the phone and tell her how much I miss her? She ended the relationship but she is a stubborn person,and in the past I always had to make the move even when I did nothing wrong.Any thoughts please?

Romefalls19 · Mar 4, 2008, 06:30 AM

You don't know. But that's not what No Contact is for. Why should you have to make all the moves anyway? SHE ended it, not you. So don't wait for her, go out have fun make some new friends. If it's meant to be it will find a way, if not, you are out there looking for the next contestant on Life Partner... Just enjoy life, you only get one shot. Don't waste it on someone who isn't wasting it on you!

Fr_Chuck · Mar 4, 2008, 06:40 AM

The real end of no contract is to get over the other person and to move on. Since at some point if you want to get back together here has to be contact. But it never solves the issues. I am sure there will be many answwers but let her know why you are going to leave her alone and let her know that the door is open for now anyway.
But if you have always had to make the move, it may be that she really did not want to move ( and sounds like there is a history of problems)
Often the no contact is time to let us see in ourself that we want to move on. Right now you are suffering from wanting her even if it is not always right, and scared no contact will allow you to move on.

JBeaucaire · Mar 4, 2008, 07:47 AM

The NO CONTACT prizes:

First Prize - you heal and move on to an awesome mate who never put you through any of this crap and live happily ever after
Second Prize - you heal and become a self-confident, less dependent person, you save yourself TONS of extra drama and pointless mind-circling-torture trying to figure out someone who's probably not a match anyway
Third Prize - the time apart makes your mate come to their senses and come back after you.

That third prize is extraordinarily rare, so please to don't glam onto it. All the best romance movies have that third prize, but it's ALWAYS in person, real face to face heart-felt reconciliation. It also puts you in the driver seat if it does happen.

So until she steps physically back into your life, no texts, no emails, no phone calls... just live your life and stop thinking about what SHE might be thinking. You're wasting your energies.

And if she ever does try an in-person reconciliatiion, LISTEN to what she says... it could still be all about her. Beware!

talaniman · Mar 4, 2008, 07:56 AM

does anyone agree that going strictly NC could lead to the ex thinking you don't give a damn about them and you have moved on?

After a break up what she thinks doesn't make a difference and you ned to get over the shock, and emotional confusion, and the false hope that confusion leads to, to heal and make healthy decisions for YOURSELF, not her. You keep lumping reconciliation, in with healing, and that's just not the case, nor does it fit. Those things are under her control, not yours. What you can control, is getting to love yourself enough to do for yourself. That you still think that way, and still feel her needs should be met by you, is a consequence of NOT being healed. It wouldn't matter what she thinks, feels, or wants, if you were. Heal first, and see how you feel. What have you got to lose, she has already dumped you?