Hey guys,

New to the board, I have just recently broken up with my GF who was on and off in my life for a year. Im 23 she's 21

Basically, we met through my work and hit it off from the beginning, physically we were very attracted to each other, and this led to us talking. We talked 2 times before we actually started to officially date.

BACKROUND on her-Has a drinking problem... Def can be extremely crazy and a loose cannon when she's angry... Horrible TRUST ISSUES... Past relationship really messed with her.

She had been with a BF of 5 (very abusive relationship physcially/emotionally)years prior, and me knowing this, kept it light and fun and never took it serious. We talked for about a month, it never progressed in the seriousness of the relationship,but we did create some feelings, as well as learned about each other. Anyway her on and off boyfriend came back. She told me about this, and I honestly didn't care as I was dating around already, and didn't have time to deal with the drama. She went her way, and 4 months down the road, I started to get the text and FB messages saying how much she missed me. We ended up hanging out again for another few months where it never went really far as I was unsure her readiness to get involved, so I kept it light and fun again(for the most part), and she let it known she wasn't ready for a relationship as she just officially was done with her long term. I stopped talking to her toward the end, realizing I was getting to the point that I would get hurt it I continued, and let her be.

4 months later. Im living 3 hours away and she starts sending me novels about how much she missed me and that she wants to see where this goes as well as she was ready to have a relationship with me. Two weeks after that I decided to go through with it... One week in, she's telling my best friend she loves me? Should have seen that as a red flag? Anyway things get very heavy very quickly... Lots of feelings being expressed. She's blowing up my phone 24/7 saying she misses me, loves me, that I'm the one... This goes on for a month and a half... she travels down to SA... gets in a fist fight with my roomates GF, both are extremely drunk... my roomates GF precreeds to tell me every day that my girlfriend claimed she was playing me, etc(I shouldn't have believed her as I let it get in my head and ruin me).The Roomates girlfriend later admitted to lying to break us up(she admits it a month later, DAMAGE was DONE)...

The next month I began to question my girlfriend all the time, and with this, she became more distant. She began to get disrespectful,always ANNOYED WITH ME, she told me she was tired of me going out and living my lifestyle. I ended up complying because I didn't want to lose her, but she became worse as my questioning annoyed her(I questioned because it got annoying she seemed so unhappy and I wanted to fix the issue), and she didn't get better. After that I began to fix the issues(me going out all the time, always making plans for her without asking, I can be selfish) she didn't like about me in hope that she would stop being distant, but it didn't help. By the time I stopped questioning, and fixed my lifestyle to abide by her needs(by this time I was treating her like a queen), the damage was done. Our attraction was killed by all the fighting, we still had sex, but the passion was gone. We became friends with benefits basically. Things hit rock bottom and I decided I was ready to break up and she agreed. I realize my trust issues harmed the attraction level and made me look weak.

We had our talk
She was ready to break up a week prior, lost feeling for me and felt we became more friends that anything(weird because a few days prior to us breaking up she was crying from anger because I was getting a 4th roommate that happened to be a good looking girl) She Apologized because she couldn't give me what I wanted anymore as she lost feeling for me and even said maybe someone else could give me that. She said what drove her away was all the fighting, her having to worry about me in another city all the time, and that I sketched her out when I became distant and it put it in her head that this wasn't a secure relationship so she emotionally checked out. And she WAS OVER IT. I pushed her away, and she didn't think this could get better ever as she lost hope for us. Stopped missing me as well even though I lived out of town because we constantly fought. She WANTS SPACE now. As do I, as I feel I need to work on myself to fix my issues.

To be honest, I want her back as we do have a lot in common, and we seemed to be compatible, but our own issues hampered our relationship. My question is that is there any hope on her wanting this again? She is extremely emotional and when gets mad she says some things she doesn't mean... she isn't happy with me right now obviously. What is my best course of action because I do want her back?

Read that to yourself... read that whole post you made and let it sink in... you two are compatible? It sure doesn't seem like it to me. The amount of time you've known each other and the amount of time you've actually been together... why bother? All the fighting, the drama... you want that? That is what you would get more of if you somehow managed to get back together. I would just forget about this and move on.

I have thought a lot about this. And that's why I come for people's opinion. A third party kind of started the snowball effect and that is what bugs me and makes me think about the what if's? I feel like we would have been in the same state we were before that incident. But right now like I said, it seems dead in the water for the time being...

Im very sorry, but I couldn't even finish it. It's a template for the typical tempest. I read it here a dozen times a day. And it always ends with Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder. You are both young so all of this is understandable, but it's just a bit over the edge into teenage. Take time off and dedicate some time to your future in yourself, your goals and careers and what you want out of life, not out of women. For now. Trite but true!

What should your next action be? How about a party or celebration that you two are not together. Holy crap dude. Regardless of all the past experiences on either side, drama isn't meant for a relationship. Mark my words if you get back into a relationship with that girl you will again hate it. Only you will hate it much more quickly this time.

You had tons of warning signs. Next time heed the warning signs. If you put a ton of time learning about the person before the relationship, you won't have to put in so much time trying to get out of the relationship.

Hahah. You know, I take your answers more serious than even some of my friends because of yall's experience with these problems. Im sure my story is a dime a dozen on here. I feel wrong for wanting things to workout down the road, and all that drama after two months is insane. I feel as if the intensity of the relationship sparked these feelings. Too much emotionaly roller coaster for a life time.

I do miss her like crazy, or more so what we were at one point. Although short lived it was a great time.

It may not seem like it now but I think in the long run, you will be better off without her and all the drama associated with her.

I feel like that's best. I have been in this situation once before. I was in another relationship where I neglected the woman. And it molded me to be more caring. It sounds like I need to find the happy medium now.

I started NC last night after our talk, and plan on doing so until I have fixed my issues. Like I said, I feel like we can coexist very well, but I think I need to improve myself so I can be a better man for the next one, or this one if that somehow happened. But all in all. I think after some more time, I will realize how stupid it is for me to want this again.

I am so glad you came away from this experience with a positive attitude. However, I hope you learned a valuable lesson... when to run and don't look back.

I am a positive person, and I see breakups as the oppurtunity to fix the issues that prevent you from making yourself happy. My trust issues may have ruined our relationship, but they made me miserable.

I am disapointed in myself, that I want to be with someone like her, who probably can't offer me what I'm looking for. We will see.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have things work out. But you have to ask yourself - AT WHAT COST? At some point the value of your happiness has got to outweigh the drama. From an outsider looking in, you are already there.

This is your decision to make obviously. We only offer advice so that you will think about it from a different perspective.

I have done a lot of reading on this as I have always been extremely analytical. The best case of action is to move on, be happier with myself and forget about it. If RC happens, it is based on the fact that I am no longer desperate for it, but it is a choice I make when I have forgotten about this relationship, and her.

I think what bugs me, is the effort I put in, and the fact that I feel like I failed. I feel much better today, than I did even two days ago.

You will feel even better, and more analytical in a few months. If you stay away from her. Even the feelings of failure will fade.

There are no guarantees in relationships. I dated my partner for 2.5 years before I would commit. But it was worth it because we both knew each other very well at that point.

But congrats! You are on the right path, thinking and saying the right things.