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Hi Guys

I'll give you all the details:

My ex-girlfriend and I were dating for about 1.5 years. When we met it was the perfect match. Best Friends straight away.

She was really into me. Sending me letters all the time, coming to see me. I responded in much the same way. We were in love. We spoke all the time.

About 6 months into the relationship she told me that she had Bulliemia. She had had it for 5 years. I knew that she was insecure and I had a feeling that she might have it.

I stuck by her. I wanted to help her. I was so in love with her and I couldn't drop her without support. I made it my mission to get her better and to help with her confidence.

She got better. She still suffers from it but she is definitely on the right track. However, because I got so invloved in helping her, maybe I became the carer rather than the boyfriend.

Anyway, she had the mood swings and I was tired. Things were breaking down. I was depressed at work, it was boring, so I called her more often then usual (2-3 times a day), I needed her then but instead she said I was too clingy and I was only pushing her away. The more she pulled away the more clingy I got. It was a classic scenario.

One night I find out that she had met up and gone for dinner with some 24 year old bloke she met in a club. (we're 18 by the way). She didn't tell me about this. I got upset.

She has carried on seeing him and every time he has taken her for dinner and movies etc. He's pretty rich and has an expensive car etc.

One night I tried calling her, I couldn't get in touch. The next day I couldn't get hold of her either. She sent me a text later saying sorry she wasn't available, it was because she was lying ill in bed all day and had been asleep. I called her and could hear she was on a train. I asked why and she said she had actually been at a party. It turns out she had been to stay at this guys house the night before and spent the day there.

I felt betrayed and deceived. I know I may have been getting clingy but I gave everything I could to the girl. I gave her all my time, my love and devotion. I got her to a therapist, I got her a job, my family loved and supported her. I felt as though she threw it in my face.

Anyway, less than a week after I broke up with her I found out that she kissed this guy. She said it was a rebound and that she was feeling lonely and vulnerable and he was there. Ideas?

Then yesterday she sent me a message saying that she had walked past somewhere we had once had lunch almost a year ago to the day. She missed me. She said she wanted to come up to Edinburgh to see me before I left on my travels (india in 3 weeks).

I don't think she realises completely what she has lost. She doesn't have many friends and my family and I were her main supporters. We all loved her. I don't want to remove my support completely because I care for her well-being, but I don't want her to think that she can take it for granted. She has to earn my friendship.

Im doing pretty well at the moment. I feel as though I'm getting over her and moving on. I think that if she came up I could show her that I was back to my 'old' self and was not going to be pushed around or taken for granted anymore.

We always said we would stay friends. We were, are, and will be best friends. She may have hurt me but there were so many factors causing that to happen. I set myself up to be hurt by holding on to the relationship when we both knew it was gone. She shouldn't have dealt with it the way she did. Faults on both sides.

Having said that, she did emotionally betray me. Should I see her in a couple of weeks when she comes to stay? If she comes to stay.

So - Is she rebounding?
Should I see her?

Thanks Guys - sorry for the longwinded explanation - Ive probably missed loads of important details

Once a relationship spirals out of control the way yours did its very difficult to get back on track.

Although you did a lot for her and invested time and effort,she went to see another man,lied and now is missing you,perhaps he is no longer in the picture.

You were not good enough for her to give you the respect you deserved then,how have things changed.

Relationships come and go,people grow and change,you sound like a caring young man with a lot to offer in a relationship,do you really want to go down that road again?

I suggest you go no contact,take full advantage of your trip without thinking about her and what may be happening,enjoy your youth without all the drama and hassle.

Your embarking on a great learning journey,embrace it.

I think you should go NC, LIVE YOUR LIFE. You are young, and to me sounds like you are very kind and loving person. If she thinks she can do better then that... then by all means let her do it. Believe me, oneday she will regret her choices in life and she will try and get into your life, and you will have then be moved on from the situation.

A good friend of mine once told me that... People don't care about what you're doing at the moment, as big as it might be for your life, it seems like this girl is only concerned about how much FUN she can have, and seeing as you're working hard at the relationship and she is not, you're NO LONGER fun, but you have stuff todo. Remember, there is ALWAYS time to have fun once you have your stuff together. This guy is 24 years old and still going to clubs to meet little girls... This guy is 6 years older then this teenager... Do you honestly know of any marriages that the two people meet at a club, after girdding with a whole bunch of dudes/girls? That's just my opinion, "Hey where did you two meet?" "Well, after I was girdding with a whole bunch of girls at the club for a whole year, I dinally meet your mother, and boy could she grind my groin!" "Oh wow, thats really romantic" "Yeah it was love at first grind"

No.

Leave her alone, and close this chapter in your life. Do your own thing that your happy with, and see what other options, and opportunities, that life will present you.

You both tried, it didn't work, so heal, and move on.

There is nothing worse than trying to hold on to a failed relationship, and thinking it will be okay to be friends now.

Maybe in the future, after the healing, and growing, and learning, is more complete, maybe friendship can be rekindled, but you can't force it just because you have old unresolved feelings, or regrets, which is obvious you both have.

Move ahead with your own life, and let her deal with hers, without you.

Let her sort out her own life now. You deserve respect, not lies and halftruths.

Go no contact and go and enjoy your life and your travels.

I agree with the others. Caulk this one up as a life lesson. Don't let some trollop disrespect you. She took you for granted, cheated, and now feels bad for being a skank.

Threads merged

Update
Anyway, now it seems that this guy and her are going to try a relationship. She is 19 and he is 24. He has the money, the car, the flat and house, you know.

They have already planned a trip together to Prague next month.

She says to me that apart from Prague, she's not going to see him for about 3.5 months and that's good because they don't want to be too intense.

How could she move on so quickly? I know that she was shutting off her emotional connection to me whilst we were still dating and I was so blinded with love I didn't do anything. It just hurts - like a kick in the teeth.

She's a really insecure girl (depression and eating disorder etc.) and I don't know how much this guy knows. Does she not realise that if she really wants to get better she needs to work on herself and get her own independence and not use others as support all the time?

Come on guys. Tell me your thoughts.

Cheers

You should move on with you life. Someone is not just going on a trip with someone this fast.

She could be doing this because she is insecure, but that doesn't matter that much. You should just focus on yourself, and your future!

Once it's over there's no point worrying about what they do,think or feel.

Time to take care of yourself now.
Go no contact,as in no texts,no calls no emailing.
That way you won't have to listen to any updates on the new anyfriend and you can focus on the most important thing-your own healing from the breakup,

Stop worrying about her, you keep talking about how she is latching onto people, you seem to be doing the same thing. Stop talking to her and let yourself heal, you ended the relationship. Just let her go do her thing, whatever or whoever that may be

Its really none of your business any more what she does. And you should stop talking to her about her business. That's my thoughts.

As long as your more into her thing, than your own, you will be stuck. She's a big girl, she can manage her own thing without you. You dumped her, now disappear.