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    ddpeaches69's Avatar
    ddpeaches69 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 24, 2011, 11:52 AM
    Married man cheated on wife, with me, divorcing wife but has stopped communcating?
    My boyfriend and I had been doing well, but he suddenly left town.. said the pressure was too much. He left and was gone for 15 days to be found in Cali. He came home found me and told me he was in a bar in Cali and something told him to come home to me. And he did.

    After hours of talking he left and texted me and said he loves me. Now it's been month, no communcation, birthdays (his and mine) have come and gone I've changed my phone number.

    Why would he stop communication when the divorce is proceeding?

    Is it truly over? I'm so devastated but strong to move on.




    Threads merged and edited/T
    gingerbill's Avatar
    gingerbill Posts: 24, Reputation: 5
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    #2

    Jul 24, 2011, 12:29 PM
    My question is why you messing around with a married man anyway? I guess he's got cold feet and is cooling things whilst wondering how best to make amends to his wife
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #3

    Jul 24, 2011, 12:46 PM

    Does he have children? Is there a custody case involved with the divorce proceedings?

    Only he could tell why he seems to be backing away, but some reasons could be:

    His ex and/or his lawyer may have convinced him that it is a bad idea to be in contact with you until his divorce is over.

    He may have changed his mind again. Deciding that a relationship with you isn't what he wants.

    The spice of being forbidden may have been what made the relationship better for him. Now that it isn't forbidden he isn't as interested.

    He may have gotten caught up in building a new life for himself and is too busy or exhausted to contact you.

    He may be using you for 'support' when he needs it and not caring about your needs when he doesn't.

    He may have another playmate.


    The big question is why are you wanting to be involved with a man who cheats? Are you waiting around for him or living your life as though he isn't coming back?

    I highly suggest you step back and don't allow him to use you while he sorts out his own life. It is something he needs to do on his own without having another person to use as a safety net. Safety nets tend to be discarded when they aren't needed any more.

    Take care of yourself and let him sort out his own mess.
    ddpeaches69's Avatar
    ddpeaches69 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jul 24, 2011, 01:33 PM
    Interesting perspective, never thought he would not divorce her.Thanks.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,182, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Jul 24, 2011, 04:28 PM

    Maybe he was lying about his divorce to keep you knocking boots with him.

    Or has another chick on the side, and if he cheated on his wife with you, he will cheat on you with another chick. Most cheaters are liars, and only fools believe them.

    His wife won't let him out any more to play with you. She got tired of sharing.

    Whatever the reason, wake up and get your own dignity, and self respect and your own guy.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,300, Reputation: 7691
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    #6

    Jul 24, 2011, 05:40 PM

    That is my guess, he either is going back to his wife. Or perhaps was seeing a second women who he has decided to be with.

    But he was cheating to be with you, ( actually surprised he actually divorced wife, they normally don't)
    ddpeaches69's Avatar
    ddpeaches69 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 31, 2011, 04:18 AM
    Surprising some of the ones who answered my question, I am an educated and well articulating woman whom knows how wrong having an affair with a married man is. In retaliation to my last relationship, I decided to be "the other woman" and found myself trapped in a snare so strong I am finding it difficult to break free from it. Thank you for each of your responses and I will take them under consideration.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #8

    Jul 31, 2011, 05:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ddpeaches69 View Post
    Surprising some of the ones who answered my question, I am an educated and well articulating woman whom knows how wrong having an affair with a married man is. In retaliation to my last relationship, I decided to be "the other woman" and found myself trapped in a snare so strong I am finding it difficult to break free from it. Thank you for each of your responses and I will take them under consideration.
    This one piece of information is why the suggestion to give yourself time to let go, heal and move forward before getting involved in a new relationship is given. Healing is very important in keeping from making decisions based on hurt and pain. You were hurt so you struck out at someone else and now you need to distance yourself from this situation and let it all go before it gets worse.

    When it comes to love and sex, it doesn't matter how educated and/or well articulating a person is. He or she can still get caught up in the strong emotions (positive or negative) and make choices which don't make much sense when viewed from the outside or a calmer state of mind.

    It seems you allowed anger and hurt to guide you into this relationship. You now know it was a not a healthy choice to take, but you can correct it. It isn't easy because emotions are involved and it will hurt. However, you can come out of this a stronger, healthier, and more secure person if you give yourself ways and means to actually heal not just from this relationship but the one(s) which caused you to want to retaliate.

    No Contact is a good starting point. You don't try to contact him in any way and if he should try to contact you, you don't accept it. Delete, block, ignore, etc. any and all forms of communication. It will help you get the distance and space you need to let confusion and false hope keep from drawing you back in.

    Get involved in your life. Keep busy with things that help you feel good about yourself. Hobbies, volunteering, continuing education/community classes, and such can give you outlets for meeting new people who have the same interests you do. Make friends and have fun getting to know them. Don't look for another romantic relationship until you have allowed the hurt and pain to heal.

    Learn from the past. Learn how to spot red flags, what you like and dislike in a relationship, and what you can do to keep from making the same mistakes over and over. Keep the lessons learned, but let the past go. Memories should fade over time as new ones are made.

    Don't dwell on the negative emotions and cause yourself damage. Find the positives and use them to build a strong foundation inside you for your next relationship. Being secure and happy in yourself is the best thing you can do. It will give you the strength to walk away from bad relationships instead of staying and becoming stuck.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,182, Reputation: 10852
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    #9

    Jul 31, 2011, 11:06 AM

    In retaliation to my last relationship, I decided to be "the other woman"
    Well education doesn't make for smart, logical choices does it?

    Wish you luck making better ones, based on facts, and not just hurt feelings.

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