:confused: Hey Im 33 yrs old I became fast friends w/ someone I have known for many years just did not know him personally. Hes 27yrs old very intelligent ,funny, tough, masculine and very very easy on the eyes but he also has severe mood swings(gemini) along w/ a severe drinking habit. As time went on I realized I was having these feelings for him which I felt for no other male or female Well I hate to say this... but I regret telling him my feelings for him. At first he rejected me w/ an understanding and commending me for being this open He told me he loves women all kinds that bisexuality has crossed his mind but it was not his deal. Well I'm not as easy on the eyes then my friend in question I'm overweight posses some feminine traits which I try to control but I am what I am and I ave excepted this about myself... yet I'm only out to him and a close female friend who is a lesbian. Well my feelings are getting stronger w/ all I knew about my bud even though he is sexually active w/ woman usually drunk when he hooks up I noticed its all short term but always someone. But this one night after hanging out drinking and being goofy he made his move on me and I let it happen. He told (drunk) he was in love w/ me which made me very happy I felt very lucky. We then we had sex w/ each other (first time for me ever w/ a man and I assume my friends first time too). I expected the distance and awkwardness afterwards. He let me know it was too much booze and he is not gay, that night meant nothing to him he said he was grossed out afterwards... HE made the move on me I would never be that daring drunk or sober... you tell me your not attracted to me Im going to respect your wishes and not make the 1st move but this is not the case.

After all the arguing and namecalling saying I was acting like we were a couple?? maybe I was I did not think I was acting like this I thought I was being accommodating. Then He askos me if we would be a good couple?. Im a little stunned still over all that went on.
Yes our friendship has had its rocky moments lately but I didn't know what to do except to run away. So instead of moving in with him as a roomamte in a 2 br apt I decided to decline. I left w/o saying a word He did call a few x shortly after I left but I did not answer the cell. I finally got in touch w/ him 3 weeks later he was so cold and nothing w/ me on the phone telling he's miserable hates work seeing this girl but it nothing they have nothing in common has a strange guy and his girlfriend living w/ him in a studio apt. Well fast forward 3 months Im back in the state where he is and I just can't get myself to see him I did finally ask him on the phone if we're still cool he said yes we were but I seem unleveled lately by taking off going here & there coming back zig zag Its all my craziness I don't think he realizes anything? With all he knows about me He just thinks I'm nuts which I am but with reason
he is really showing no interest or caring if I'm dead or alive for instance... I told him I did not find a place yet I was staying at a cheap dingy motel he made it quite clear I cannot crash at his place because of this new friend off the streets and the new friends girlfriend in a studio apt. I wasn't expecting to stay at his place anyway I don't want to see him w/ someone else romantically which would probably happen it happened already the day before I left the 1st time 3 months ago. So I don't want to deal with that
I really don't know what I'm saying anymore I'm just rambling while I'm writing this.

Im so so in love w/ this guy( before the sex truthfully... I wish the sex never happened its straining.)
I sometimes get the feeling he digs me and then I think I'm crazy for wasting my time but I can't help myself he has become a priority to me but I still have not seen him by my own choice and also because he don't call me back either I know he's busy working BUT I think its more than just work he's sounds pist off or turned off??

But I still think there are possibilities I just don't know how to go about them and I'm not ready to be over him yet either... nor do I want to lose any chances if any