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    The man I'm having an affair with won't leave his wife for me

    Asked Dec 28, 2011, 03:38 PM — 9 Answers
    Have been having an affair with a married man for almost a year now, he used to teach me at school and is 60 years old, I am 22. He doesn't have a good relationship with his wife at all, and says they got together 5 years ago, purely so they could put their money together to buy a house.

    He is not in love with her, and she treats him like crap, and the two kids she has from a previous marriage are a nightmare. He will not leave her for me and we have to tiptoe around all the time and keep things secret, which I hate with a passion. He turns me down a lot when I want to see him, because he has to drop her kids off somewhere or 'can't get out of the house' because of possibility of his wife getting suspicious.

    I also don't see him much now because he works abroad and rents a flat out there, and when I do see him when he's home in the UK he is constantly complaining about **** he has to deal with at home, and saying ' I need to get home, I can't be out too long.' I'm at my wits end with this and am becoming depressed and angry about the whole thing. The obvious solution is to dump his *** but is there another way?

    Last edited by talaniman; Dec 28, 2011 at 05:18 PM.
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    9 Answers
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
    Ultra Member

    Dec 28, 2011, 04:28 PM

    I'm just blown away that you're even asking for advice on this. If you couldn't see how this was wrong from the start—he was your teacher, he's old enough to be your dad and he's married—then I don't know how we can help you now.

    So, instead of advice—because what you should do is obvious—I'll provide two truths:
    • No matter what he says, he is not leaving his girlfriend or wife for you. She will leave him first, and then plan b (you) will come into full effect... when he's emotionally distraught an suffering
    • A relationship born from cheating will also end that way.
    Helpful (1)
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,162, Reputation: 5635

    Dec 28, 2011, 04:31 PM

    For goodness sake, this man is old enough to be your grandfather! Of course he's not going to leave his wife for you, you are just a piece of candy on the side for him. He isn't serious about you in any way, shape, or form aside from the booty he gets from you.
    Helpful (3)
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
    Ultra Member

    Dec 28, 2011, 05:15 PM
    I would concentrate on your studies.

    Also get a bit of therapy. Understand why you are doing this.

    Its all wrong.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,313, Reputation: 10828

    Dec 28, 2011, 05:29 PM
    Ask his wife for the divorce yourself. She may listen to you.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,692, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert

    Dec 28, 2011, 06:12 PM
    I read this and had trouble believing that it was a real question but, let's assume it is...

    As much as you want to believe what he tells you, he is simply lying and telling you what you want to hear so he can get some from you. You have no future with him and really, think about it... what kind of future would you have with someone that's 40 years older than you are?
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3686
    Marriage Expert

    Dec 28, 2011, 06:52 PM

    Please don't take this as 'piling on'. I agree with the advice you have been given so far.

    What I want to add is that 60 year old people do not wake up one day and start cheating. By the time they get to that age they have usually created a pattern of behavior or at very least the thought processes that say cheating is okay. What this means for you is that you are probably not the only person he is leading on or cheating with.

    He lives part time on his own in another country. That is an open invitation to being unfaithful if there ever was one. What excuses does he have for why you can't or when you shouldn't contact him then?

    I know you want to hear that everything will work out and you can steal him away from what he seems to describe as the wicked witch of the west and her flying monkeys. Look at it realistically, if you did end up having him all to yourself, you would then be concerned about every other female he is around. You would be wondering who took your place as the piece on the side and what is he telling her about you. Why would he stop playing around if it works out this well for him?

    Let him and his issues go. Allow yourself to heal and move forward with your life. When you are ready, you will find a male who is available and who wants to build a life with you by his side-no sneaking, no hiding. You deserve so much more than what this male is capable of giving you.
    Helpful (3)
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
    Ultra Member

    Dec 28, 2011, 07:35 PM
    Stop being a sex toy to a cheater, and go find out why you're willing to in the first place.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,002, Reputation: 7675

    Dec 28, 2011, 07:43 PM

    Yes, you send her a letter and tell her all about you and her hubby, a few good photos would add a lot. Then she will leave him, and that opens him up all for you.
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,001, Reputation: 553
    Ultra Member

    Dec 28, 2011, 07:48 PM
    HARSH Alert
    Why would he? You are helping him cheat, shown you are a cheater, and have not only disrespected him but his whole family as well. Why would he wants to be with someone like that, considering the difference in age, you are nothing but a piece of meat for him. Respect others, and you will be respected.
    Helpful (1)

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