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earthmama · Sep 19, 2009, 07:49 AM

Hello.I'm a 43y/o woman.I have been with the same man on &off for 11 years.he has been sent to prison 3 times during this period,he has a serious drug problem,he ha treated me horribly,in the past.he is a jeckyl and hyde. I don't know how else to explain it. He can be fun and kind ,too.he is now in an associates degree program.(he's no dummie)he's thinking about transferring to my town & a 4 year college,here. My parents hate him with a passion.he is not allowed on their property &i cannot speak of him. I'm now living over my parent's garage.I feel so much guilt. My parent's aren't getting any younger and my man also has a bad health condition.I love and miss him. He's not perfect but he's not a woman beater ,either.I can't have both ,in my life.live in the middle of nowhere,with my family happy OR go be with him in a bigger area where,I'd be happy? Please help me I love them both so very much.thanks for your kindness to all who've read this.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 19, 2009, 07:57 AM

I am sorry if the best thing you can say about a man is that he is not a women beater, I would say find someone a lot better.

I wish · Sep 19, 2009, 08:02 AM

If after 11 years, you're still not happy with him, then I think you've given him enough chances.

It's definitely time to move on with your life to bigger and better things.

earthmama · Sep 19, 2009, 08:36 AM

Thank-you all kindly,for your answers.I need to do the right thing.my family needs me. I can live without romantic love.it is my duty to care for my older parent's. Thanks again for opening my eyes.God bless

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 08:50 AM

Take care of your parents, as they have been their when your dope doing ex-con boyfriend wasn't. I really don't care how you feel about him as he hasn't done right by you in 11 years and probably never will.

amicon · Sep 19, 2009, 09:21 AM

Good luck and stick with your decision.

Cat1864 · Sep 19, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by earthmama

thank-you all kindly,for your answers.i need to do the right thing.my family needs me. i can live without romantic love.it is my duty to care for my older parent's. thanks again for opening my eyes.God bless

It sounds like you have already been living without romantic love. Give yourself time to realize that this man isn't what you want. The relationship is what you have grown accustomed to. It won't be easy or quick, but you can move forward instead of staying in this rut.

If you were to chose him, it is almost guaranteed that the relationship will fail. There would be concern over the possibility (probability) of him relapsing and resentment because choosing him put a strain on being with your family.

Your family needs you and you need someone who can give you support NOT someone who could end up getting you in trouble with the law.

earthmama · Sep 19, 2009, 11:30 AM

Thanks again,guys.I guess we all have to deal with emotional pain and heart-ache.I pray,constantly. I just want" my own family".I have a spotless record. I'd like to take in foster children&maybe even adopt 2 or 3 children.I'd also love to do relief type of work in 3rd world countries. I am 43! I feel this great pull to help people.does anyone know how I could get in contact with a reputable organization that may help me get involved with this type of work. I do not want paid for the work but, I cannot afford plane tickets and such.sorry,to be so long winded.thanks again to all of you kind people who have responded. May God bless you and yours.

Cat1864 · Sep 19, 2009, 11:36 AM

A good place to start might be right there in your own backyard. I am sure that there are charities both civic and church that would love to have your help. Food banks and such usually need a lot of help and will take any time you can give them.