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    GirlieGirl28's Avatar
    GirlieGirl28 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 31, 2009, 05:39 PM
    Making contact a year later?
    I dated a guy over a year ago. Things went really well and we got carried away and moved in together VERY early on and things were fine until it got the best of us. Meaning he backed up when we had some bickering about dumb things- I had just started a new job and was stressed so their were issues with managing time etc. Anyway long story short we parted ways because he said he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. He was the intiator of the moving in and brought up marriage talk. Overall we got along very well and got along w/ eachother's family and friends. We dated for about 6 months today.

    Anyway, after the breakup we did not speak. I did "run" into him at a local store over the summer but we just glanced at each other that was all. Then in November 2008, over a year since we broke up I get an email from him out of the blue. He asks how I am, how work is, asks if I'm still living at home (where I went after the break up) and wishes me a happy holiday. So I think okay what is going on here and figure he's just being nice but not sure what. So I write him back but keep it short and say I'm fine and leave it at that. Then I get no response.. so I figure okay whatever. Then Jan 2009 I get another email, saying this is out of no where but wanted to know how I was, how my holidays were. Then continues to say.. he often thinks he mishandled our situation and wishes something's could be different and then brings up some memories including our first real kiss @ a wedding we attended... So I was wondering what was going on, why the contact after this long. He's a nice guy, not a game player so I don't think its some kid of game but its also not something I'd expect him to do with out some reason behind it.. so any ideas on what the reason is for contacting me?

    I know no one can read his mind but I'm looking for opinions and for anyone who's maybe had something similar happen to them.. thanks!
    Empty Cans's Avatar
    Empty Cans Posts: 106, Reputation: 25
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    #2

    Jan 31, 2009, 09:49 PM

    You are right... you don't know what is going on in his mind. It could be a few things I think.

    1) He is curious... and just wants an update on how you are doing... you were a significant part of his life for at least a while.
    2) He feels he has healed enough that he is willing to try and be friends with you again.
    3) He is putting the feelers out to see how you respond and maybe he is thinking of reconciling.

    Personally... I think it could well be the third one. If he is bringing up things about your first kiss, good memories, and saying maybe things could have been handled better, I think that is a sign that he is still interested.

    I suppose the question is... are you interested in reconciling with him? Or even are you ready to give being friends again a shot and see where it takes you...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,284, Reputation: 10853
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    #3

    Feb 1, 2009, 06:18 AM

    I agree with EC, and its possible its all the above. He may have an interest, or is just curious.
    sully123's Avatar
    sully123 Posts: 567, Reputation: 148
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    #4

    Feb 1, 2009, 06:37 AM

    It sounds like he is curious, and maybe he thinks he made a mistake. You approached it the right way. As I always say a lot of the guys always circle back, sometime in your life. If he wants to see you and he is interested and your up for it, when he does, then go for it.. and take it slow. We sometimes realize our mistake, hey you never know.
    zeeniee's Avatar
    zeeniee Posts: 341, Reputation: 63
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    #5

    Feb 1, 2009, 07:23 AM

    I guess the question you will need to ask is do you want to keep the contact and why... and if it is worth it?
    XM8's Avatar
    XM8 Posts: 213, Reputation: 14
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    #6

    Feb 1, 2009, 08:34 AM

    Well I got to agree with EC as well. I think he's testing the water, trying to make out if you're still interested or not.

    If he's bringing up memories of good times, then he's obviously hinting that he's still thinking of you in a special way.

    You said that he's not a game player.. Well then I would suggest you go back to being friends with him and see where it takes you.

    If he seems like an honest guy, he may have regrets of breaking it off in the past and would like another shot - which is not a bad thing.

    So - the cards are in your hands - what's your next move going to be?


    -Xm8
    GirlieGirl28's Avatar
    GirlieGirl28 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Feb 1, 2009, 08:36 AM
    Thanks for the responses.

    I agree I go with the last choice but you just never know. He was looking to reconcile I'd be interested in what he had to say. If he's looking for a friendship, I don't think I'd be interested in that- he was a big part of my life and being his friend would not be something I think I could just deal with. Just checking up with me makes no sense to me because that's just not something I think he'd to especially after a year.. and the 2 emails, I would think one would be enough to check in.

    So in other words- I'd be fine if it's just friendly conversation but throwing the memories in and saying things were handled wrong makes me wonder. I guess I'll find out eventually the motives. I would think he'd be smart enough to not make casual conversation after all this time for no reason.. he broke my heart when it comes down to it. He knows that all to well, a year prior to us getting together he has his g/f of 2 yrs whom he lived with for a year up and leave and take his no explanation. So I think he knows what it feels like.. so why bring up the past for no reason...

    After a year it just really threw me I guess.. I had hoped I'd hear from him but that was wishful thing and I didn't let that thought hold me back.
    GirlieGirl28's Avatar
    GirlieGirl28 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Feb 1, 2009, 08:39 AM

    Sorry I can't find an edit button.. his ex took his stuff and up and left no explanation-so he knows what its like to have a broken heart.
    XM8's Avatar
    XM8 Posts: 213, Reputation: 14
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    #9

    Feb 1, 2009, 08:43 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by GirlieGirl28 View Post
    Thanks for the responses.

    I agree I go with the last choice but you just never know. He was looking to reconcile I'd be interested in what he had to say. If he's looking for a friendship, I don't think I'd be interested in that- he was a big part of my life and being his friend would not be something I think I could just deal with. Just checking up with me makes no sense to me b/c that's just not something I think he'd to especially after a year.. and the 2 emails, I would think one would be enough to check in.

    So in other words- I'd be fine if it's just friendly conversation but throwing the memories in and saying things were handled wrong makes me wonder. I guess I'll find out eventually the motives. I would think he'd be smart enough to not make casual conversation after all this time for no reason..he broke my heart when it comes down to it. He knows that all to well, a year prior to us getting together he has his g/f of 2 yrs whom he lived with for a year up and leave and take his no explanation. So I think he knows what it feels like..so why bring up the past for no reason...

    After a year it just really threw me I guess.. I had hoped I'd hear from him but that was wishful thing and I didn't let that thought hold me back.

    If it feels right to try again, then maybe you should. Although if you have a small feeling in your gut, telling you that you shouldn't try it again - then don't.

    It's always that small feeling that you should listen to. I can understand that you wouldn't be willing to be just friends, after all you sound like you still have some feelings for him.

    Always follow your instincts - and if you do decide to give it a shot, don't go too fast like you did last time.

    -Xm8
    GirlieGirl28's Avatar
    GirlieGirl28 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Feb 1, 2009, 09:01 AM
    Yeah I don't really have any feelings saying don't.. I just go back and forth as to the meaning behind the emails... why the 2 months between the 2--I do not believe he'd be the type to be emailing and ex while with someone.. but I don't know how to explain why it took 2 months to write again.. That part throws me.

    But when it comes to getting back with him- I really have no reservations if its what is going on here.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,284, Reputation: 10853
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    #11

    Feb 1, 2009, 09:34 AM

    I believe you have to put his motives and interest aside, and deal with your own interests. If you cannot be friends at this time, don't answer him and encourage any further contact with you.

    If a couple of emails confuses you, and you are starting to assume, and presume, AND QUESTION, why he is doing what he is doing, imagine a few phone calls, or conversations.

    You don't know what he wants, so don't be led down an unknown path by CURIOSITY.

    Keep putting yourself first, and don't play games with someone who's agenda is not known or understood by YOU!
    XM8's Avatar
    XM8 Posts: 213, Reputation: 14
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    #12

    Feb 1, 2009, 01:20 PM

    Woops, sorry about that I misread your post.

    Well like Tal put it, your interests should be the priority here.

    You don't know what he wants, so don't be led down an unknown path by CURIOSITY.
    I couldn't have put that better myself.

    -Xm8
    kaitou's Avatar
    kaitou Posts: 190, Reputation: 43
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    #13

    Feb 1, 2009, 01:38 PM

    I actually went through a similar situation half a year ago, and then in December.

    I think instead of guessing his motives, its best to just ask him straight out.

    You can say something like "So why are you contacting me? What do you want to get out of, by reaching out to me like this?"

    I think its better to get it over with, to know where he is coming from, then guessing like what you're doing.. It's unhealthy, and its misleading. Perhaps he's just seeing if you're still available, who knows!
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #14

    Feb 1, 2009, 01:44 PM

    Ask him.
    Empty Cans's Avatar
    Empty Cans Posts: 106, Reputation: 25
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    #15

    Feb 1, 2009, 04:15 PM

    I agree with Kaitou... if you are curious, just ask him. You don't keep in contact with him anyway, so I don't think it can do much harm provided that you are happy for him to either not reply or say that no, he is not looking to reconcile.

    But... if you two ended on good terms (i.e. no one cheated or anything) and you think it could work again, then yeah... go on and ask him. He said "he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore" well maybe now he is sure and wants to see if you are up for it.


    I suppose that what he is doing is something I could see myself doing one day with my ex. Just putting the feelers out there to reconnect as friends with the possibility of reconnecting as something more.

    So yeah... If you are curious I think you should just ask him.
    GirlieGirl28's Avatar
    GirlieGirl28 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Feb 1, 2009, 05:09 PM

    Thanks you all have such good advice! I agree asking is the best thing.
    Empty Cans's Avatar
    Empty Cans Posts: 106, Reputation: 25
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    #17

    Feb 1, 2009, 08:08 PM

    Good luck... and let us know how it turns out!
    GirlieGirl28's Avatar
    GirlieGirl28 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Feb 1, 2009, 08:41 PM

    I will, thanks!
    Empty Cans's Avatar
    Empty Cans Posts: 106, Reputation: 25
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    #19

    Feb 13, 2009, 04:32 PM

    So what happened?
    teastalk's Avatar
    teastalk Posts: 299, Reputation: 21
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    #20

    Feb 13, 2009, 10:52 PM

    I'm wondering what happened too...

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