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confusedchick90 · May 24, 2016, 11:08 AM

Dear counselor,

I am in love with a guy that I met when I was at University. However, he currently lives with his baby mother with whom they have a daughter. He assures me that they are separated.

He told me that he is just living with her because of financial reasons and because he would like to be there for his daughter. I told him that he has to live on his own for us to continue together in this relationship. He tells me that he plans to leave but he has to get his finances together which would take him a year to do so.

On two occasions, his baby mother tried to contact me over the phone. He told me that she checked the bill and saw my number on it multiple times and they had an argument over this. I told him that I find that strange for her to be contacting me if they are not together.

I have given him an ultimatum that I cannot continue knowing that he still lives with her. However, he says that he really loves me and that I should have faith in him. I left him two years ago because of this situation but he says he does not want to lose me this time around.

Should I believe him this time? What should I do?

smoothy · May 24, 2016, 12:23 PM

Hey, he's having his cake AND eating it too. You know what you should have done long ago. Now YOU are the other woman... if he left you you someday you will be in her shoes.

talaniman · May 24, 2016, 01:56 PM

I left him two years ago because of this situation but he says he does not want to lose me this time around.

Should I believe him this time? What should I do?

You should have stayed gone as NOTHING has changed, and probably NEVER will, so do what you did last time, but this time STAY GONE! Obviously his perception is different than his baby mama's perception of the relationship, and you are better off letting her have this lying cheater.

Better HER than YOU!

catonsville · May 24, 2016, 06:29 PM

Sister, you need to leave that situation before you become a mom. It has not apparently improved in over 2 years. What makes you so sure it will change in another 2 years. Move on before you become a momma without a daddy.

tickle · May 25, 2016, 02:56 AM

You are falling for the biggest line a man can give. Why do you think it is funny that his g/f would be contacting you ? Its because they are still together my dear.

joypulv · May 25, 2016, 08:38 AM

Don't give ultimatums unless you mean them. No room for 'however he assures me' this or that. An ultimatum is exact - either this happens or that happens. You left the door wide open.
You are weak beyond weak, and call it love. It isn't love. Love isn't one sided. You are infatuated.
When you realize what a jerk he is you will feel disgusted that you ever waited this long.
You can't issue any more ultimatums because he won't believe them, and it's useless anyway.

Start filling your days with other people!