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srimira · Dec 27, 2010, 11:16 PM

Hi,

I am in love for past 5 years and also now... the guy is damn good and I knew about him well... I really say you none can be caring on me such a way... but the problem is my parents …. My caste …. To be clear I am fc and he is mbc ….
My parents knew about my love before 5 yrs …. They told not to continue …. Then even they knew I am talking with him but as a friend(they thought). My parents are really good. I am only daughter. My family is tough and orthodox. I can't even open my mouth bat him to anyone. If am going to marry him all my relatives will never respect my family. This is the problem. I don't want my dad or mom to feel sad for me because they are that much caring on me. At the same time I can't marry someone else. I can't betray the one I marry. I need my love but also my family. *** tell me is there any way to make my relatives believe I did not do love marriage. Any way?? ….

joypulv · Dec 28, 2010, 05:13 AM

I have one practical question - how able are you and he to break away from home, financially? Are you in school and is he, training for good careers? If not, it's going to be much much harder if you decide to marry without approval of families.
If you do have the career possibilities, have you thought about being without families, at least at first, until they accept you, maybe in another country?
Your parents love and care about you, but they are not considering your wishes. You love them, but need to be true to yourself. In my part of the world, parents may still try to tell children what to do after they are on their own, but they are usually told by their children, no, I will do what I want. Even in your part of the world young people marry for love and their parents either accept it or not.
Many of the parents are more willing to realize that the world has changed in terms of what is good for protecting children and their futures. With technology and careers open to anyone, the old rules don't mean as much, and the rules have little to do with the basic religion anyway. Maybe with patience you can teach your parents. If they agree, it's their job to convince other family.

srimira · Dec 28, 2010, 09:08 PM

Yup we are in good job and he is in higher position. Thanks for your answer.

talaniman · Dec 28, 2010, 09:34 PM

Your post was hard to read, but it does break my heart to see so much put on young people by older ones in the name of tradition, and culture that keeps people from trying to be happy.

I can only recommend the counsel of a respected local leader who may have some influence on both your families.

Sometimes though we have some hard choices in life, to stay with what is comfortable, or embark into the unknown, not know what the outcome will be. You love your family, you love your man, and you can't please both. At some point you have to please yourself, and hope others understand and if they do not, you love them any way and do what you have to for yourself.

Lousy advice I know, but I really have no answers, or solutions to make it the way you want it, and for that I am sorry.