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    srishti_30's Avatar
    srishti_30 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 30, 2018, 12:48 AM
    I wanted to become an IAS from 7th class. But I took engineering and got a job in a good company which pays well but I don't get much work here. I don't even like coding. I have a boyfriend from last 8 months and I have gotten so obsessed with him that I am not able to concentrate on anything. I am now not even sure if I want to do upsc-cse. I am not able to focus anywhere and my boyfriend is getting so frustrated with me like he wants to talk less meet less and all. We meet everyweekend from Friday night to Monday morning. I don't know how to handle and manage things. I feel like crying all the time. I am not able to do anything. I feel like I've lost all motivation and hope. I hurt myself. Yesterday I belted myself.*LITERALLY* because he said "let's breakup because I can't handle so much of you".
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,994, Reputation: 10852

    Aug 30, 2018, 05:03 AM
    What do you do after work during the week? If all you got is work and a boyfriend (Or EX?), I can certainly see where you would be very unhappy when you go through a rough patch with both. Hurting yourself though is never the way to get through it. Have you been a complaining partner over the weekend? How do you spend those weekends with him? Do you go out with friends or is he your only friend? What of family, any nearby and do you keep in contact?

    There seems a lot more going on here, and more details are needed, but answer this are you needy and clingy around your boyfriend or is it you NEED him because you have no other way to be happy without him? I mean what was your life like before you got together 8 months ago? How old are you both? Did you agree to break up with him?

    Most healthy people have a life beyond work and a relationship, that they enjoy with friends, family, and activities that makes them happy, that sustains them through the peaks and valleys of life. Have you built a life that you enjoy whether you have a boyfriend or NOT?

    Yeah break ups suck! Everybody goes through that, some of us more than others, and it sucks double when we get dumped clear out of the blue and didn't see it coming. You're really supposed to cry as you mourn but healing comes when you have friends and family and a life beyond the boyfriend. Just don't sock yourself anymore and add more hurt to it. Make sure you leave him alone and make this a clean break, so YOU can get over it, and move on. At least you keep some dignity and self respect and have a chance to break this obsession and go about making yourself happy again, so you can focus on better things, and find yourself again.

    srishti_30's Avatar
    srishti_30 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 30, 2018, 10:08 AM
    Okay so there's a lot more to the story. Before coming into relationnship I had got friends best friends in college who were always there for me. And the friendship was all fine till this June. So what happened is I used to meet my friends alternate weekends and in college till may. And the weekends from Friday to Monday morning I stayed with my boyfriend from January to June. Now in June my boyfriend joined his job and for 2 months he was shifted to another city. That time itself I had a big big fight with my bestfriends. I suddely felt as if I am lonely. There are a lot of issues at my home and I stay about 1500kms away from my home. So I felt hopeless and I cut my hand so much that I got 3 stitches. I consulted a doctor and then I was having continuous counselling sessions for about 2 weeks then I WENT BACK to my hometown for a month. My boyfriend was fine until he left from here. Now suddenly our fights increased and he was rude and we both said mean things to each other. Finally in July end I got to know that he will come again to my city and we can again get back to normal. I thought everything will be fine after he will come. But now I don't know he thinks if I am overdoing it or what. So his job timings are horrible like 9a,m tp 6/7/8pm and my company hasn't given me any work from a month when I joinend and my timings are 11am to 4 pm. He doesn't really talks to me when he is in office like not even text, He calls me for 5 minutes when he goes for lunch and 5 minutes during tea break. So when nhe comes at 8pm I kind of wait a lot to tlak to him and I sometimes fight about not talking at all. Yesterday he got so frustated saying that I have a lot in office so I expect at least you to understand and I cant keep explaining so let's breakup because I cant take so much pressure from your side.Also I don't really have friends now. People in office are kind of mean and I stay away from them. I just want to be busy. And also I feel that maybe my boyfriend is right I am too available for him all the time and maybe he takes it for granted but I just keep overthinkning about everything. Sometimes when he is like after 7 and doesn't picks up my call I feelas if he is cheating on me and maybe meeting some other person behind my back and I cry thinking that. Today also I asked him if he is bored with me his answer was " What KIND OF QUESTIONS DO YOU ASK. THESE ARE JUST TY QUESTIONS". I really am not able to focus on anything else. After that handcutting incident and my fight with my friends I have lost interest in annything at all. I don't want to do a job. I don't want to study for IAS anymore. My classes are going to start from oct for IAS(Weekend batches) andn it will cost me a ton. I was waiting for these classes to join from 4 years and now when I am actually getting the chance I am not evenn sure if I want to become an IAS or not. My head is not stable. I am just not stable. I feel as if I am burden non everyone. My mom dad and my boyfriend. In weekends he generally comes to my house and we watch movies, sometimes just do our own work but fight also. I don't want to lose him but I don't also know what to do. Also I cant sleep without him being connected on the phone. I think he doesn't likes that also. I don't understand how come suddenyl from may I got so obsessed with him and so much in love with him that I am not even able to think about anything else at all. Please help me.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,994, Reputation: 10852

    Aug 30, 2018, 01:03 PM
    I can only you suggest you own your part of this mess, and accept what has happened and strive to do better. You admit to being argumentative and needy and demanding beyond reason. Small wonder this relationship became unhealthy. Hard enough to bond with another busy person over a distance without taking all the fun out of it, because one is busy and the other needs attention, but I hear your desperate cry for help because obviously your life has changed greatly with your new job in a new place.

    Who do you live with so far from home?

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