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amendir · Nov 3, 2011, 06:57 AM

I have been with my girlfriend for 4/5 years now . We both live and work in the same city, but she is not getting work in her field, she is currently doing a desk job which pays the bills well, but she wants to relocate somewhere overseas. The last few jobs she has had, have gone badly with her crying about her boss or the work or that its not what she wants. I am currently doing quite well, job and environment are great and we both have our friends here that we see each week if not more.

I could relocate for her, but I would be afraid that missing the epic job/house/friends and being in a different culture (& if she finds this job as un-fulfilling as the last ones), I would be a bit resentful of her and I am worried that would put a lot of pressure on our relationship!

I don't think she would move if I really could not do it. But I can't ask her to stay in a city/country where she can't further her career and feel useless and unhappy! Any advice on how to approach this?

Cat1864 · Nov 3, 2011, 07:35 AM

How do you feel about long distance relationships?

Frankly, I can see her frustration building if she stays and can't find work in her field when there are opening in other places. I can see that frustration being turned against you if you are as happy with your job and life as it seems.

I can see you making a blind move and getting frustrated if you don't like your job (if you can find one), etc. and taking it out on her.

I think you both need to sit down and look at the future as realistically as possible. Be as open and honest about your needs and see if you can find a compromise.

A compromise might be for her to try to find a job in another location (city or country) and see how it goes. In the meantime, you stay where you are and maintain a stable life.

If she finds the job of her dreams, then you can see about finding an 'epic' job where she is and relocating. Or she can have some stability to return to if re-locating doesn't work out.

Good luck.

talaniman · Nov 4, 2011, 01:08 PM

Make an agreement as to the financial side of relocating and living expenses while she searches for her dream job, and vow full support and will join her when she gets established well enough for you to join her, and support you while you look for a good job for yourself.

That's what I would do. DID do, but we moved cross country not overseas. Same principle.

suprazboy · Nov 11, 2011, 04:21 PM

You would have to find a job before you moved YOURSELF too. What line of work are you in? And what country do you plan to move to? Because it may be a better place for you to find work too... if you love her enough you'll find you can leave. Long distance relationships with friends is better than a long distance relationship with your partner.