Hi everyone. I'm new here as I came across this website on Google. I really need advice on my relationship which is (I suspect) about to end. The post will be pretty long so please bear with me for a while.

I am currently on a break (or break-up, as for the Facebook status) with my boyfriend 3.5 years into a relationship, 3 of which has been long-distant. We got together during our freshmen year before he decided to go study abroad in another country half way across the globe. We didn't know if we could make it through the long-distance thing as we were quite young (at that time 18) but somehow we made it for almost two years. My boyfriend was really confident and determined with our relationship so was I. We met every 5 months when he came back for holidays; 2 weeks during new year, and about 3 months during summer. Since we're half way across the globe apart, the time difference is almost exactly 12 hours difference so it was easy for us to schedule routine skype session; in the morning and at night EVERYDAY. After one and a half year I went on an exchange program at a university close to his so we had a really great time together there for a semester. We got along really really well and we trust each other a lot. I never suspect him for another girl nor did he with me. To me (and to my boyfriend as he's said it last week) that we're compatible in almost every way. We grew up in similar environments, share the same hobbies, same personalities etc; hence, we hardly went into a fight (possible once every half a year on stupid matters).

Things started to go wrong 2.5 years into our relationship. He that was so confident and determined began to hesitate and not sure if he can make the relationship going. He said he felt lonely and didn't know how to deal with his loneliness. He also felt pressured by his peers as they always stayed with their girlfriends, but he didn't have me there. I was so shocked by his reactions and somewhat breakdown although I tried my best to control my emotions. We almost break up at that time but then he realised he wanted to give us another try. He said he would try his best to deal with the loneliness and look forward to seeing me (at that time it was September, so we had like about 4 months before we met again when he came back). I agreed to help him get through this difficult period as I also thought I should not give up on my relationship so easily. Both of us has to work on it and not just one. We survived that period, we met in December and things went back normal (except the fact that he acknowledged how anything can happen in the future, that he has become afraid to make promises and stopped saying such things as "I will love you FOREVER"). But to me that seemed like a good thing cos' nothing is permanent or definite in this world. It is good that he acknowledged that so did I. After that incident I just tried to do my best everyday with our relationship and not hope too much for the future.

The bad news (for me) came when my boyfriend got an internship offer from this really BIG company at that country, meaning that we would not get to meet during the long summer (now).. and when we meet again it would be during the December break.. which means.. almost a year apart. It was really difficult for both of us but then I thought, since he has received such a good opportunity and that it has always been his dream to work in such a well-known company, I did not want to stop him and told him he should go for it. He told me not to worry about it and that he would buy me an air tickets for me to fly over to see him (along with his families, his parents like me a lot). He started working in May and everything was still perfectly fine. His parents bought the air tickets for me, and I got my VISA done. And all of a sudden 2 weeks ago, the same thing as last year happened again. He told me he doesn't feel confident in our relationship. He said it is really difficult for him as he is a guy and doesn't feel comfortable being alone, he said he needs someone beside him. He talked to his friends and they told him that his feelings for me has changed and that I love him more than he does. My friend told me that if he really loves me, no matter how lonely he feels he would try to get over it as we would eventually meet anyway. I kind of agreed with what our friends said. I have a feeling if his feelings towards me is still the same, he should have that confidence and determination like he did during the first 2 years of our relationship.

He said the problem is with the long-term. If we were to continue with our relationships, we would have at least 3 years to go as he is planning to do a master before he comes back as well (he is starting his 4th year now). The worst case scenario is 5 years as his dream is to work first before doing the master, possible 2 years. I know it is long and sounds discouraging. But when we talked about it before he first went, we both have the determination to get through it. He said that the time for us was really bad, as we got to know each other 6 months before we had to go through the LDR thing and overall if we could make it we would have in total about 8 yrs of LDR (4 yrs undergrad, 2 yrs of work, 2 yrs master).. which sounds very very discouraging as we're only 3.5 yrs through it.

We had a very serious talk about this. He said he really loves me and that if not for the LDR we would never be in this kind of situation. He just needs me to be PHYSICALLY beside him, but I can't. We talked to his parents (on skype conference) and him mom told him to look long-term, if he really wants me to be his partner in the end, then he has to try hard and get through these moments. But feelings wise, the it will be very difficult for him and he couldn't decide whether to break up or continue.. so we decided to go on a break last week for him to realise whether he can live better with or without me. On Sunday, he said he thought a lot but would like to make sure he's got the determination I wanted before coming back to me. I asked about the air tickets (according to the original plan, I would be flying to see him in about 3 weeks, and that the tickets can be refunded if cancellation is made a week prior departure), and he said he didn't want to cancel it yet, all of which sounds very positive to me. The first two days of our break (mon-tue) was a failure as we couldn't stop talking to each other (whatsapp). I asked him if we continued like this would he be able to figure out his feelings and he said he didn't think so. We agreed that we really need more time with ourselves to explore what it is like outside our relationship so we decided to break up (as with the status on Facebook). He said with 'the break' like before he would feel guilty if he tried talking to other girls while in a relationship with me and that he felt selfish having me to wait for him to figure his feelings (which he does not know how long it would take). This way (break-up) I can keep myself open too and we agreed for a 2 months period for him to figure out his true feelings, but if he's able to find out the answer before then he would let me know. So basically.. it's like we've broken up but I give him one chance to return. I was really sad and depressed for the whole week and tried my best not to contact him, so did he. I had this random thought that if we keep the original plan of me visiting him in 3 weeks time, when we meet in person he might be able to figure out his feelings towards me more clearly. It could be that this whole thing happened because we haven't seen each other for 8 months and that he might feel confused and lost. I proposed that to him 2 days ago on whatsapp but this time (unlike Sunday when he said he didn't want to cancel the tickets) he said it didn't think it is the right thing if I go. He even thought as far that it would be very awkward if we happen to break up before then I had to be there. Now everything is so negative and I feel very lost. I still have to wait for his final answer, with the deadline in the end of sept. I made up my mind if by then he still couldn't give me an answer I would give up. Everyday waking up I think of him and want to do anything to get us back.. but if his feelings for me really had changed then I guess there's nothing I can do. It's been such a great 3.5 yrs that I don't know if I can bring myself to forget about us and move on.

Thank you for reading this long story of mine. If you read till the end I really appreciate it and if you could give any comments or suggestions on anything, anything at all, about my relationship or what is the best way to heal if we really break up for good I would be really grateful.

He's afraid. That is the major problem. He hasn't decided yet if his job, or his girlfriend is more important. You either need to tell him me or the job, or go move with him, otherwise, I'm sorry to say, but it's not going to work. You need to tell him how you feel truly, and make him promise to love you forever. Lend a piece of yourself to him, and if he still needs time… he's not worth it. Good luck and I hope things work out.