When you are in a serious relationship and you both decide to take the next step of moving in together, new problems may arise. This is because you get to learn new things about your partner. Things that you might not like... thing that you wouldn't know, UNLESS you were in this particular situation (of living together).
My question is: Does being in a serious relationship mean that you have to learn how to deal with these things, and accept the person as they truly are?

In my situation: I recently moved in with my partner. And I am not happy with some of his ".habits":
1. When he comes home, late at night, drunk... He likes to go on online chats and talk to women... I know because... Come one... Women just know when something is up! I didn't have to snoop. Let's just say the truth lets itself show eventually. He even asks for their number and calls them. I don't like this and I let him know. Our argument was pretty rough but in the end, it didn't get anywhere. He said that: Doing that is important for him and that he is not going to stop. That I am living in his house and I have to deal with it. (he practically made me feel like merely a pitiful roommate) So basically I have to live with it or terminate the relationship! But is that fair? Is this behavior normal in a committed relationship? Or should I be worried? I don't really think he is physically cheating.. just virtually! But it still hurts...
2. The other thing: He is SUPER messy. I have to be cleaning up after him all the time. It's annoying... but I guess this is something I can live with!

So please help, I don't know if this will affect out relationship any further... and I don't want to keep investing my time and heart in someone who might just ruin it.. It is hard for me to come up with a decision about the relationship (whether to continue or not) since other than these things... he is a good boyfriend! And I do love him. But I am scared that now, I might look at him differently

We have been talking about marriage and kids and I don't know that I can take THAT step before I know that I will be happy with him. All of him! And at this point, I don't know that that could be accomplished... :(

One thing is for sure: Now I can say for myself that living together before committing yourself to someone FOREVER is a very responsible idea. It's your future at stake...

For me, his chatting and flirting with other women online, perhaps with the invitation to take things further, PLUS being a unrepentant slob would be definite dealbreakers for me.

Isn't that why two people live together before a final commitment of marriage, to see if there are any dealbreakers? You may have discovered two of them already. And yeah, you can still love the guy, but c'mon already!

I guess it could be a deal breaker. BUT I am not sure yet. I have been with him for four years and I think this relationship deserves a little more than that. I am not going to say good bye to someone so imp before actually thinking things through!

Well, then you need to voice your concerns and feelings. Talk, communicate! That's the only way to resolve things in a relationship. Have the talk. Tell need to put your foot down and demand that he change his behaviour. You don't have to nag... tell him how you feel. But , be firm in that you don't want to continue to live this way.

Coming home drunk and chatting up with other girls online--- BIG FLAG THERE. When I got home after a night out with the guys the first thing I did was jump my girlfriend not run to the computer for a flirty chatup( even after she told me to sleep it off on the sofa).

Good luck with this guy. Give him some time to change his attitude (if he really cares about you, it will not take long and he should be apologizing for his actions) but, if things don't change(4 yrs be damned!) either you or him should be headed for the door!

I took your advice immediately! I talked to him right now... I voiced my concerns. BUT I made it about myself. I said basically that I love him but that this is something that I can't get over. He said he will try to control it and change.We'll see

I am surprised you have not raised this issue in all the 4 years you have been together. More talking may help get issues resolved faster and for the benefit of you both.

Only by us living together is how I am getting to know this other side of him. We both started taking the relationship more seriously not because of how long it's been but because of all that's happened that brings us closer(moving at a turtle pace)

Our communication is getting better... Even though I feel like we are still in a growing stage! We both had huge walls up that have taken years to climb over. We have more things to learn as a couple so that we can evolve into a more mature couple.

So now that I am living with my boyfriend, learning the ugly truths about him is too "in my face". So... He broke up with me over the summer because he said the relationship was not going the way he wanted it to. That I was being psycho and that he couldn't deal with it. He said that he still loved me but that I had to grow up before we would ever be in a serious relationship. He made me feel like there was something wrong with me...

Sure, I didn't trust him. Call it woman's intuition! But I knew something was up! So I began questioning him... getting needy and annoying. And that was his reason for ending it.

I finally got my confidence back and was starting to move on. He was attracted by this and one thing led to another- we got back together. We got back together a month and half later, which was four months ago. Only to find out now, that he was actually having sex with a co worker while I was doing all this inner search and self recovery! It was very tough for ME. And HE was having sex. I haven't had sex with anyone else in these four years! It's not fair!

We haven't been living together for that long and already these many problems??

The thing is that he says that he didn't cheat because we weren't together, but it feels to me like we weren't together because he broke up with me to have sex with his co worker :/ I feel betrayed because, even though he says we were broken up, and he didn't actually cheat... We both know that is not true.I feel like no matter what I do, I will never be good enough.

He says he is in love with me and that I am irreplaceable. That I shouldn't be worried about such insignificant things. He says that that is in the past and that I shouldn't focus on it. He says that this kind of behavior was what drove him into doing what he did. (So he's trying to blame his bad behavior on me!) But it's like a vicious cycle because this kind of behavior on me only comes out when he does something that causes red flags to trigger all over my brain! I knew he was cheating! He had become distant... I feel devastated. Now that the truth actually came out, how can I move past this?

... When I can't trust him. Is that even possible after knowing that he had a sexual relationship with someone else while we where "broken up". Oh yeah, we were still seeing each other. Almost like dating and starting over. He told me he wasn't dating anyone! :'( He lied!

It feels like I've tried so hard to be happy with him, but in reality, everything always backfires. And knowing that he was intimate with someone is something that I can't get my head out of! :( I love him but I don't know what to do! Our relationship always seems like a work in progress, when will it aver be a finished good?? Help! Although I think this is way too complicated :'(

Whatever the circumstances of your ex sleeping with this co worker , it doesn`t really matter since it is an issue you can`t seem to get past. Bottom line is if you can`t rebuild or have trust in him again then what`s the point in going ahead in this relationship. Sometimes you realize that too much water has past under the bridge.

At the very least I think you need to take a step back , take some time for yourself and figure out if trying again is worth all this pain.

Do you think he should have asked your permission before he started dating? Its called abreak up because the relationship is broken! He was SINGLE and free to date and have sex,he's quite intitled to live his single life without having to worry what an ex is thinking or doing.

You learned valuable lessons during the breakup,lessons that may not have happened other wise,has all that work and self searching now just been a sham,were you just kidding yourself?

If you can't trust him there IS no relationship to worry about only a habit you have gotten into.

Have a good talk with yourself first and ask yourself are you ready for a relationship at this point in your life? Is this the relationship you want to be in?

If this is the guy you love and want to be with you need to talk to each other and help each other over the hurdles,there's going to be lots of them if you stay together, if you can't let go of the past,maybe its time to let go of him.

Oh so while you were still in the self-recovering stage he already moved on and had sex with other girl? So what? Big deal. YOU made it a big deal. Just because you felt horrible it doesn't mean he has to feel the same in Anyway.
And believe me, a woman getting all demanding and annoying is a Big turn off for a guy, and if I had been him in hat situation, I would have run far too.
Sorry for being brutal but it's the truth.
You can't force your feelings into another. That's just plain impossible and childish.
Dating and Intimating with someone are not the same! You can have sex with anyone you like but it doesn't mean you love them or like them or even know them properly.
If you can't trust him anymore, break up, or at least take a Huge step back and analyze the relationship carefully before making any decision.

Thank you, this is what I had to hear!

"you learned valuble lessons during the breakup,lessons that may not have happened other wise,has all that work and self searching now just been a sham..." I did, and my actions are just making everything I worked hard for be on vain! Thank You! :)

Thank you! :) I do need to take a step back and figure out what I want. I know I want him, but I still don't know if I can live with that. He actually offered that we both go to counseling! Maybe that is a great first step! :)

Is iit even possible for anyone to move past something like that? Your partner sleeping with someone else? :/ I really do just need time to think!