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commongirl · Mar 8, 2015, 01:14 PM

I was in an unsatisfying but serious relationship for about 18 months when a foreign guy (whom I had always had strong feelings for) came to my country temporarily for work. I cheated on my boyfriend at the time with this man (kissing and sleeping over for a couple of nights- no sex) and then broke up with my boyfriend (about a week later). I then began to date the foreign guy and we immediately fell in love.

2 years later we are living together and are extremely happy as a couple. He is everything I had always dreamed he would be. However, the guilt over how our relationship started is eating me up. I fear that if I tell him, I will forever lose his trust although I would never make that mistake again. My heart breaks every time I think about what I did to these men and the guilt is emotionally exhausting to live with alone- even after two years. He struggles with trust and I worry that this would be something we could not recover from. What should I do?

talaniman · Mar 8, 2015, 03:14 PM

You have two issues one is fear of losing this guy, the other is guilt from the past, often from the baggage you had before, made worse by not taking the proper healing time between guys, and the cheating. You have little choice but to unburden yourself to start to let go, and unpack your past baggage. Maybe this is where is own trust issues come from, or at least what adds to them.

So talk, or this relationship will hardly survive anyway. Maybe you can address the issues together, maybe you cannot, but things get worse unless you try.

Jake2008 · Mar 8, 2015, 05:44 PM

It is refreshing to hear someone who has cheated on their significant other, feels badly about it. That you also feel badly for not sharing this with your new love, is eating you up with guilt, and that too shows you have a conscience.

This can only go one of two ways. To tell the truth is always open to more questions, and suspicions. As well as anger, confusion, doubt, and betrayal. But, why would your now boyfriend need to know in the first place.

You broke up with your boyfriend, and a week later, you got involved with your new boyfriend, who you are still with, right? You were single when you became involved with boyfriend #2.

You did, sort of, kind of, maybe cheated on boyfriend #1 as you had an interest romantically with boyfriend#2, but you owe neither an explanation of something that has zero connotations for either relationship.

I would leave the past in the past. Enjoy your future. Forgive yourself for maybe pushing the envelope a bit, you're only human, and move on.

No regrets!

Fr_Chuck · Mar 8, 2015, 05:56 PM

I agree, there was no sex, and it appears that the old boyfriend was ending anyway.

What happened to you, is how many new relationships started. I do not recommend talking to current boyfiend about past sex and about past relationships. The issue is why do you feel guilt, you were not happy, you found someone, no sex ( most have sex if you read many of these questions) and you found someone you are happy with.
** although I may ask why not married after two years if everything is so great?

Oliver2011 · Mar 10, 2015, 07:14 PM

Other guy has moved on so you do as well. Don't bring unnecessary drama to the relationship. Actually don't bring drama to the relationship.

talaniman · Mar 10, 2015, 07:34 PM

A friend, or professional are good to talk things through with.