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    Bronica's Avatar
    Bronica Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:12 PM
    Lies.. lies.. lies..
    I Have Been Married 5ys Now (together Scents 1995) We Are In The Early 30's And Have 3 Kids.(one Mine 2 Ours) There Are Many Problems In Our Relationship... mainly He Lies! Im Talking Lies To Lie. No Matter He Just Lies. Often I Think Hes Doing It To Bother Me, But At Other Times It's the First Thing That Pops Into His Head. Like... "is The Sky Blue?" Hell Say "do What Now?" Before He Answers Any Question.. And At This Point Ive Quite Repeating The Question, Pause And Hell Reply "no" Ill Then Say "yes It Is!" Hell Then Say "well Theres More White Clouds Than Any Thing." Things Like That.covering Up Trying To Make His Answer Not A Lie. Most Of The Time He Does It Knowing That I Know Hes Lying And He Still Does It. Sometimes Its Just A Total Lie, Like "no I Didnt Eat Lunch Today At All" And Im Holding A Receipt! Just Blatenly Lie. Bottom Line Is Hes A Liar.(habitual Lier?) Ive Brought This Up To Him Many Many Times To No Avail... On Several Occasions Hes Come To Me And Said"i Know 95% Of Our Problem Is Me Lieing To You, I Do It Because Im Afraid Of Your Response...im Sorry I Wont Do It Again...blah..blah.." Yes Im Not Saying That Sometimes My Response Is In Fact Not Anger, He Does Some Stupid Stuff. But This Is Silly Hugh? Im Over It Ive Told Him Im Over It. Its Reciently Become Clear Between Us That When Our Youngest (8mo) Is Old Enough To Feed Himself And Is Potty Trained, Its Over. (now That's A Whole Nother Story,I Wasn't Able To Get Pregnant Or So The Dr Said It Took 4yrs But I Did.) Point Is Id Already Be Gone Again But I Can't Now He Won't Get Up W/the Baby He Doesn't Hear Him Cry,(ive Left Him W/the Baby Went To The Store Came Back And The Baby Had Been Crying For Sometime And He Was Sound To Sleep On The Bed) And Will Not Change A Diaper,hed Take Him To A Neighbor! No Way! Not To Mention When Hes Been Left W/the 4yr Old Hes Inside A Sleep On The Couch And The 4yr Old Is Out Side Playing.. no Fence On A Busy Road!now All This Has Happened More That Once. So I Can't Leave Now Period. I Do Have A 14yr Old But Its Not Her Job To Watch Them.. ive Separated Before, Before The Last Baby. We Were Separated About 6mo,and My 14yr Old Hated Takeing Care Of The 3yr Old At The Time And The Neighbours Would Call Me Too! "hes Dirty,hes In The Street,hes Over Here Asking For Food Again" Help... help... help Ps Don't Sugest Counceling. He Diesnt Have A Problem.
    YeloDasy's Avatar
    YeloDasy Posts: 363, Reputation: 81
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    #2

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:20 PM
    So if counseling can help, why do you not want that to be suggested? Is he unwilling to go? He sounds like he knows that he has a problem...
    Bronica's Avatar
    Bronica Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:37 PM
    He Deffently Knows He Has A Problem,but Once Again He Lies.. I Have Suggested It He Says "no I Dont Have A Problem,deal W/it"
    YeloDasy's Avatar
    YeloDasy Posts: 363, Reputation: 81
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    #4

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:42 PM
    Uummm, would he go with you? If you went to counseling and the therapist invited him to go along... would he go then?
    Bronica's Avatar
    Bronica Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:48 PM
    No He Doesn't Have Time. He Works And "thinks" I Dream All This Up...
    YeloDasy's Avatar
    YeloDasy Posts: 363, Reputation: 81
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    #6

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:48 PM
    Sounds like he isn't concerned about your feelings... or your perception of how he is with you and the family... is that how you are feeling?
    Bronica's Avatar
    Bronica Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:53 PM
    Your right it is an impossible sistuation I know... though I tried many things and nothing ever changes. Even calling him on his lies in front of others! Like when he begains just put my finger under my nose as to block the stinck, and say I smell bull s***. Nothing helps I just need help w/dealing w/it by myself. I guess until I can leave. I don't think he's takeing me seriously.
    YeloDasy's Avatar
    YeloDasy Posts: 363, Reputation: 81
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    #8

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:54 PM
    So is your plan to leave for sure? And if so, I didn't understand why you had to wait?
    Bronica's Avatar
    Bronica Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Aug 16, 2006, 02:01 PM
    For the little ones... as I stated he's unfit. And yes I will be leaving soon as I can. Which that makes me hate him even worse because,I'm wishing my baby to grow up faster,and there never babies long enough any ways.
    YeloDasy's Avatar
    YeloDasy Posts: 363, Reputation: 81
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    #10

    Aug 16, 2006, 02:07 PM
    They say never to stay for the little ones... they know when things are not right... and they learn how to treat others and be in relationships, and their role in society by the time they are 2-4 years old... so modeling positive relationships is so important... even if that means leaving someone who inhibits the relationship from being positive... but that is your choice and I would never advise you to leave or stay...

    But I will say, that if you are choosing to stay for now, ask him what he wants from you in order to make some changes... like what actions you can take to help him have less anxiety over telling you the truth... he should have some answers... reinforce positive things when he tells the truth, even if it is small... and IGNORE the lies... like he gets NO reinforcement... but even then, I don't know if that would help... that is just where I would start... because you can get a good idea of WHY he is doing this with those actions and questions...
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #11

    Aug 16, 2006, 02:31 PM
    He doesn't have a problem? He's a chronic, pathological liar, he's also irresponsible and it's ruining your marriage! He definitely needs some serious therapy now or your marriage isn't going to make it. The only bright spot is that evidently he acknowledges his lying, which suggests that there could be some hope but not without professional intervention. Do it now. If that fails then you'll have to pack your bags and leave.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #12

    Aug 16, 2006, 03:19 PM
    Just a quick thought. Seems like a depression disorder to me.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
     
    #13

    Aug 16, 2006, 03:22 PM
    For a moment I thought you were talking about my brother.

    My brother is a pathological liar, been married seven times, admits he lies, has left untold wreckage in his wake, been to numerous counselors (brags how he can eat them for lunch) and still finds women to line up for him. He could be a whole Oprah show all himself. When I asked him about the pain he caused the seven (he bankrupted each one too) he said they asked for it (in a nasty tone) and then five seconds later carried on about how he saved them all from low self esteem (in heroic tones). If that isn't crazy, I don't know what is!

    The trouble with him is he tells the truth part of the time so everyone gets sucked up into the game I call "Sorting" -- where they try to sort fact from fiction. I gave my brother up to God and no longer pursue a relationship with him as there is simply no point. He only knows how to use people and unless you like some whacked out form "live theater", it can't work as a relationship. I have talked to dozens and dozens of professionals and all I ever hear is how seldom his kind seek help successfully. Should a major miracle occur with him, he knows where to find me. Meanwhile, I am not open to anything else but that, which means I may miss seeing him grow old and die as sick as he ever was. Such is life.

    Lying is that bad and its been my observation it makes everyone in close contact with the liar sick and crazy too.
    K_3's Avatar
    K_3 Posts: 304, Reputation: 74
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    #14

    Aug 16, 2006, 06:21 PM
    I agree, I do not know what to do with liars. I have someone in my family that will lie when the truth would sound better. It is so frustrating. You can not even believe them when they tell the truth, because you just don't know what is truth or a lie. I feel for you.
    wtpsu's Avatar
    wtpsu Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Dec 12, 2007, 09:29 AM
    I have gone through the same and worse with my wife for 17 years; I stayed for our 2 boys. Now, they're older and I'm done, tired and a bit resentful that I have wasted so much time, but I think I'd do it again. They say you don't stay for the kids, but I don't know that I agree with that statement in every case. What stinks is that people can get so screwed up.

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