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saddler · Oct 14, 2006, 11:33 AM

8 weeks before my wedding my partner went out with another woman and my child for the day and decided to keep it a secret. I found out the next day by quextionning him after seeing her number on his phone. He said that he didn't tell me because I would have gone mad but why lie?
After this he said there was no trust between us and that we should split up cancelling all the wedding arrangements. Six months have now past we are still separated, he sees his son when he feels like it and still works alongside the other woman seeing her occasionally outside of work. He says and swears they are only friends, two weeks ago we got back together I was over the moon and so was my child even though he is still very young. It was great for two days we got on great but then he left me saying his heart wasn't in it and it would never happen again.
Now we go out on a night together regularly to the cinema etc but he does not want to try at our relationship even though we have spent 8 years together and have a child.
Please help me understand what is going on.

Wildcat21 · Oct 14, 2006, 11:42 AM

My advice would be to forget this guy for ever. He's a cheater - I always say - Once a cheater, allways a cheater.

I am quite sure he is lying to you now. He wants his cake and eat it too.

I'd seek an attorney and get full custody of your child. Find a man YOU CAN TRUST!!

Move on - you will be much more happy.

He used you this last time.

will5168 · Oct 14, 2006, 02:18 PM

You need to start setting some boundries. It sounds that he could be playing you. You need to make clear with him where this is all going and until you do this you will be getting so many mixed messages. You need to be putting yourself and your child first as you are teaching him how to treat you by accepting all these behaviours he is showing.

Unless you know for shure that he cheated on you then there is not much you can do. If you really want him back then you will need to move on from what happened. In short you will need to 'get over it' as this would be the only way to keep him. He will run every time you mention it.

Your life will go on with or without him. If it without him then set your boundries and start a new life.

J_9 · Oct 14, 2006, 02:24 PM

My suggestion is to leave this man, file for full custody and child support. Raise your child then find a man.

He is going to continue playing with your emotions if he knows he can get away with it.

But, please do not raise this child in this environment. The worst thing for a child is to have men come and go in his/her life. Raise him/her in a healthy environment and then get on with your life.

I know it does not seem practical, and I am sure I will get some flack from it, but you are a role model for your child. Whatever you do in your life, your child will feel is normal and do the same as an adult.

LUNAGODDESS · Oct 14, 2006, 03:11 PM

Your Ex's comes over to your home to take you and his son out for a movie... Question does he get into the bed with you and sex? If he had then... you are his official booty call... he does not need you...

He just wants you available...

The question you asked was not a challenge to your relationship... you were just setting relationship rules...

... if you had not a possessive feeling towards this person... then you are and had not been in a caring relationship...

Do you have full custody? If not... go for support... make arrangement for support of the child... even if it means placing the money collected into a trust fund for the child...

He should keep visitation...

Be grateful that he asked himself the most important question... Am I ready for marriage and good he made the right decision... for himself...

s_cianci · Oct 14, 2006, 06:17 PM

For some reason he doesn't want to be with you any longer. 8 years and a child but no wedding ring is kind of a huge red flag right there, in my opinion. I think you should take a break from him for a while. Stop your weekly nights out for a while. Start dating other men. Let him miss you and realize he's losing you. That may light a fire under him. If it doesn't, then you'll be moving on with your life which you'd need to do anyhow.

talaniman · Oct 15, 2006, 10:05 AM

Your tied to this dude for 18 years so be civil if possible but you really should be getting a life on your own without him.