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    fix-what-you-broke's Avatar
    fix-what-you-broke Posts: 305, Reputation: 61
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    #1

    May 23, 2007, 08:00 AM
    Lack of money, lack of job, banging my head against a brick wall it seems.
    OK, this has been going on for over 6 months now and I need for it to end... ive not done anything and neither has he, but I am finding it very hard to get a job, the last job I had six months ago was temp,they let me go after a month being there.
    I have been trying hard to get work, as of yet its not happening,I know it will bit in the meantime..
    For the past 6 months my man has been paying for everything,he paid for my side of the familys xmas gifts (made me feel so bad at the time),pays all the bills, pays for the food,everything. He has never complained once about any of this, its me with the problem.
    I just feel like I am taking him for granted.. I have become the woman I never wanted to be, I'm a kept woman and I hate it.I want to pay my way, pay half to the bills.. I didn't have the money to buy him a birthday gift this year which killed me, he took it in his stride and said I could treat him when I get work.thats not the point though...
    It was my birthday on the 10th this month, and I had been having problems with my laptop for a few months, my birthday came round and he had bought me a new laptop, under different circumstances it would have been fantastic, but it made me feel worse.
    Lately he has been a little quiet, not off with me but enough for me to notice, I have asked him if he is all right, he says yes, I know he is stressed about money and it hurts me to see him work 12 hour days and have no money left at the end of the month.
    I don't want him to feel like I am with him for the free ride, I love this guy and just want to pay my way too, anyone any suggestions about how to make this easier on us until I find work?
    We don't have to watch what we spend as such as we don't go out drinking, we don't take drugs, we only buy essentials (apart from the laptop,I wanted him to take it back at the time as I want him to spend any money he has left on him!)
    Sorry about the rant I just feel bad for him right now, and the longer it goes on I can see that it will start to affect us in the long run.
    Whitebear's Avatar
    Whitebear Posts: 1, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #2

    May 23, 2007, 10:12 AM
    To Share Difficult Times Is The Base Of True Love
    Life Is Not Made Only Nof Paid Work
    We Can Work With Our Hands
    We Can Help
    We Can Hear
    We Can Think
    All This Is Essential To Be Happy And To Live Well
    Work Will Come One Day But Is Not The Base Of Our Life
    My Wife Works
    And I Am Out Of Business Since Two Years
    And Feel Well
    Make Bread
    Grow The Vegetable Garden
    And Tryy To Help My Daughters
    Ciao
    darkness1970us's Avatar
    darkness1970us Posts: 70, Reputation: 9
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    #3

    May 23, 2007, 10:39 AM
    I know how tough that can be. When my daughter was born, it was decided that since I had the lower income that I would be the stay at home parent. It's not like I wasn't doing my share. I was taking care of my child, as well as watching the child of a couple that we were friends with. I cooked. I cleaned. I kept house. At no time did my girlfriend ever complain about finances, but I didn't feel like I was contributing. I was elated when my old employer asked me to come back at a significant enough raise to make daycare a reasonable option.

    We put a lot of emphasis on financial contribution. Fact of the matter is, there are many contributions that we make in a relationship that no amount of money can replace. Keep looking for a job, but in the meantime make sure you do those little things to show him how much you care. You can't afford to get him a laptop, but it doesn't take any extra money to light a few candles and play some soft music over dinner.

    I wish you the best of luck, and will be sending positive energy in your direction.
    fix-what-you-broke's Avatar
    fix-what-you-broke Posts: 305, Reputation: 61
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    #4

    May 23, 2007, 03:09 PM
    You both gave some good ideas on how I can help him out, trouble is I do all that already, doesn't make me feel any better though..
    darkness1970us's Avatar
    darkness1970us Posts: 70, Reputation: 9
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    #5

    May 23, 2007, 03:23 PM
    Yeah. The feeling better part, unfortunately, is all internal. Right now you feel inadequate, and nothing that your SO says or does will really change that. The best advice I can give is to take his compliments and reassurances at face value. He sounds like a really nice guy. I'm certain that he appreciates the little things you do for him, and that he understands the difficulty of finding long-term employement.

    Wish I could wave the magic wand and make it all better. I really do understand where you are right now. All I can do is give you the assurance that things aren't as bad as they may seem. Focus on all the good that you have. The rest will come to you in time.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,323, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #6

    May 23, 2007, 03:39 PM
    Life can get us so down, all we see is the bad things we are going through, but just look at the partner you have and be grateful, see there are some positives if you care to look. Hang in there you may be down now, but it will swing the other way soon. Be positive.
    modular01's Avatar
    modular01 Posts: 129, Reputation: 36
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    #7

    May 23, 2007, 03:43 PM
    Sounds like you have a great guy in your life. It also sounds like you are an independent person. When I was out of a job for a while, and my wife was the sole provider, it was really hard on myself esteem too. But that is what true love is; she stood by me in hard times, and when it was her that got laid off work, I did the same thing for her. Believe me, things can be a lot worse. You've got a great guy in your life and in this day and age, a lot of people don't even have that. And what the others said is absolutely right; financial contribution is only one of many contributions that can be made in a relationship. And obviously your guy sees something good in you. So take that and run with it.
    fix-what-you-broke's Avatar
    fix-what-you-broke Posts: 305, Reputation: 61
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    #8

    May 23, 2007, 05:17 PM
    Thanks for the answers up to now, its making me realize a few things.
    I just sat him down and asked him if he is happy. He said yes as he thought I meant happy with me, I said in general, he said its hard having no money all the time, he is having a hard time at work, but other than that he's happy.
    I think its more of a case of me trying harder, and both of us working together on me getting work..
    modular01's Avatar
    modular01 Posts: 129, Reputation: 36
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    May 24, 2007, 04:45 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by fix-what-you-broke
    thanks for the answers up to now, its making me realize a few things.
    i just sat him down and asked him if he is happy. he said yes as he thought i meant happy with me, i said in general, he said its hard having no money all the time, he is having a hard time at work, but other than that hes happy.
    i think its more of a case of me trying harder, and both of us working together on me getting work..
    I hope that things do work out for you in your quest for a job. Believe me I know it's hard, take it from someone that knows, but it will all work out in the long run.

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