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Never-Again · Feb 21, 2008, 08:22 AM

My boyfriend lately has been getting jealous of like any guy I talk to. I did find it cute at first but now it's just annoying the hellout of me because I'm not doing anything at all like only talking. I just want to know how I could make him maybe stop being so jealous or just at least acting jealous. I have already tried to talk to him but he just tells me that it's hard for him to trust people easily so I don't know what I should do any ideas?

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 21, 2008, 08:32 AM

You can't stop him from being jealous. This is a feeling he as and you can't change that. Only he can control this. You say it is hard for him to trust anyone, so why are you with him if he can't trust you?

You shouldn't have to be afraid to talk to a guy without your boyfriend interfering. Is your boyfriend with you every single time you talk to a guy or do you tell him that you've talked to a guy? If you tell him, I sense that you enjoy making him jealous. That is a NO NO!

nilgajera · Feb 21, 2008, 08:51 AM

I think you are beautiful so he can't see that you talking with someone else.

He also don't trust you or tell him that you only loves he.

Never-Again · Feb 21, 2008, 08:52 AM

Yeah he's a really great guy and everything and it's pretty much Facebook and texts hat make him jealous but they are never anything really like if I know a guy and they say hey what's up to me and I don't even reply he gets jealous because he wants to know who they are and how I know them which is annoying but no I don't tell him stuff like that lol if I did I would just create more stress and that's not really smart . I try to stay positive and make him feel better but it doesn't really work all the time . Also his dad cheated on his wife years ago could that be a reason that he doesn't trust me ?

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 21, 2008, 08:56 AM

If he is a good guy to you then that is all that matters. We are all not perfect and I'm sure you have your flaws as well. He just needs to work on his jealousy.

Romefalls19 · Feb 21, 2008, 09:24 AM

Speaking from experience on this subject of jealousy. It is a very very hard thing to conquer, it can be done but not just because you want him to, but because he wants to. I lost my ex because of this very emotion. It is a very aggressive emotion and will not get better unless he receives help. He shouldn't be getting jealous over little things like that and it will eventually get to the point where you can't take it anymore. If he doesn't change his act it will suffocate you. If he needs to see first hand, let him know I can tell him how jealous made me lose everything in my relationship. But I went and got help afterwards in the form of therapy, online courses and also read 7 books on the subject. I feel so much of a different person than I was, in a better way that is

jolienoire · Feb 21, 2008, 01:13 PM

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -- in fact, they're almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil... In the end you can't make him stop being jealous if he has trust issues you shouldn't be punished he should just not be in a relationship until he get over this barrier... He has his own insecurities that he needs to work out.. love can live without jealousy, jealousy may exist without love..
Robert Heinlein

peggyhill · Feb 21, 2008, 01:24 PM

Yes, I think that if his dad cheated on his mom that could have a lot to do with it. Sometimes when someone is hurt badly by someone's actions, they become afraid of getting hurt over a similar issue again. Maybe that is why it's so hard for him to trust people.

I think that if all you are doing is just some innocent conversation with friends, then that's absolutely 100% OK. I hope he is able to get over his jealously about that. Maybe you guys could do couples's counseling? It can really help. Also, if you can convince him to do some individual counseling it might help him with any issues he has about his dad's affair. Maybe counseling would help him understand that although his dad made the wrong decision, not everyone in a relationship will do something like that.

Delow84 · Feb 21, 2008, 01:38 PM

I would recommend counseling as well. I use to be the extremely jealous type, got with my ex and I saw first hand how it feels to be on the receiving end of it... so I changed. It takes a lot to make someone change that particular emotion because it is so easy to fall back into a pattern of "what is she doing, where did she meet this guy".

Counseling and communication would be the best things you could do. If you don't get him, or each other help in the form of conseling... his jealousy will only get worse.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 21, 2008, 02:21 PM

Jealousy can become ugly. No mattter what you do, they only see what is in their mind to see. If he has trust issues, he needs to deal with them before he gets into a relationship with someone.
A person like that can make your life misrerable. You have to ask yourself if he is worth it.

talaniman · Feb 21, 2008, 03:05 PM

For whatever reason, he has issues that he needs to deal with, and should. Its unfair that you get the fallout from those issues, and they will get worse, so, unless he puts forth an effort, leave him alone, and make sure he knows why. Never take his word he will change, unless you see action on his part. Sorry, its his problem, not yours.

FallenFromGrace · Feb 21, 2008, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

For whatever reason, he has issues that he needs to deal with, and should. Its unfair that you get the fallout from those issues, and they will get worse, so, unless he puts forth an effort, leave him alone, and make sure he knows why. Never take his word he will change, unless you see action on his part. Sorry, its his problem, not yours.

Tried to give you reputation but it told me to share. I hate sharing. Only Child-itis. Great advice.. all of it. Yep, yep, yep.;)

life101 · Aug 9, 2009, 11:18 PM

My boyfriend really doesn't understand that I really love him! He gets mad at the fact that other guys just WANT me! I'm like OK. What does that got to do with ME hurting you! Its like saying he can't trust me! But I don't know what to cause hhe SAYS he can't fix it. But I wish he would because I really LOVE HIM and I been with him for 8 months and he's my first. What do I do ?