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secret lovah · Jul 4, 2007, 09:12 AM

Hey all, I just got dumped by my boyfriend around a month ago. He asked to be just friends. For a long time now he's wanted this because he tells me his feelings for me are pretty much gone. Basically, he has no real like... feelings of being "in love" with me. He only sees me as a friend. Also, he always use to mention maybe he should date other girls before settling with me, to make sure I'm the one and all.

So far, since he dumped me, he's tried to hook up with 2 of my friends. (He says he hasn't, he's just flirting, which is something he always does and it means no harm. He says he's not ready for another relationship.)

Thing is... lately he's been tripping back and forth. He comes and tries to hug and kisses me, I ask him "why do you do that?" One time I asked while he was mad, he said "cuz you want it" another time I asked after he did it, he said "Cuz I wanted to." He told me last night that he likes me. Also, he gets all sad when I push him away when he tries to hug me and stuff. He broke up with ME though. When I use to try to give him affection after the break up, he'd shove me away. When I do it now, he feels bad. It's like it's okay for him but not for me.

I don't really understand, He says he's not in love with me, but he tells me likes me and tries to give me affection. He doesn't want to date though. He also asked me if I want him back.

Is he trying to use me? I'm so confused.

Tuscany · Jul 4, 2007, 09:20 AM

It sounds like this guy has control issues. He wants his freedom, but he wants you on a string too. He needs to feed his ego which is why he is asking you if you want him back. He wants to make sure that he still could have you if he wanted you. It is time to move on. Don't worry about his feelings. When he tries to kiss you push him away. Walk away. It was his decision to end it, but now it is up to you to maintain a healthy distance to get away from his controlling ways.

You might find that having no contact with him what so ever might be helpful. No phone calls, no passing hellos. Just time to focus on you and what you need.

secret lovah · Jul 4, 2007, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by Tuscany

It sounds like this guy has control issues. He wants his freedom, but he wants you on a string too. He needs to feed his ego which is why he is asking you if you want him back. He wants to make sure that he still could have you if he wanted you. It is time to move on. Don't worry about his feelings. When he tries to kiss you push him away. Walk away. It was his decision to end it, but now it is up to you to maintain a healthy distance to get away from his controling ways.

You might find that having no contact with him what so ever might be helpful. No phone calls, no passing hellos. Just time to focus on you and what you need.

Actually, I spoke to him just after reading this... he wants to be my friend with "advantages". I turned him down.

talaniman · Jul 4, 2007, 01:06 PM

Tell him thanks for giving you the freedom to find your own happiness. Enjoy yourself, and let him trip on himself.

secret lovah · Jul 4, 2007, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Tell him thanks for giving you the freedom to find your own happiness. Enjoy yourself, and let him trip on himself.

Yeah, he never wanted to be physical when we were together. Now, we're broken up, he wants it.

I'm done with him.

Tuscany · Jul 5, 2007, 04:03 AM

Originally Posted by secret lovah

Yeah, he never wanted to be physical when we were together. Now, we're broken up, he wants it.

I'm done with him.

Good for you. I have found that friends with benefits can lead to one party having feelings for the other person. Which is not good. Hang in there!

Jiser · Jul 5, 2007, 04:25 AM

Some people relish change others don't. Life is change though, it's the only constant. Whatever doesn't kills us makes us stronger to as a person. So be thankful for the time now to find your own hapiness as said above. Do whatever you've allways wanted to do. Be happy and improve yourself so much for yourself and then you can be pleased to say: "Yeh he missed out on a real good girl here, his loss, now i can find someone who really loves me when the time is right!"