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    BeeBopN's Avatar
    BeeBopN Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 2, 2008, 07:26 AM
    I'm in a relationship but I always fall for my ex
    Hi. I'm a 16 year old guy. I am pretty desperate for opinions and suggestions, so I decided to try this website out since I don't want anyone to know what I'm feeling in real life. This might be very long to read but I'll do my best to keep it short or you can just go read the **** part. So here's the basics:

    p.S: I'll refer the ex that I keep falling for as Girl#1.
    Girl#2 - Girl from high school
    Girl#3- My girlfriend (present)

    2 Years ago I loved my ex(Girl#1) so much (this was at gradeschool8th grade and my ex(Girl#1) a grade below me). She wasn't my first but my 9th girlfriend. I was a player before but when she appeared in my life, I became all shy and actually had a heart. I went from all gangster to downstraight acoustic, slow rock and rnb love songs. My ex(Girl#1) changed my whole life. I finally got with her and it lasted about 6 months. During the 6months, high school came. It was freshmen year. I had a rought time not seeing my ex(Girl#1) everyday like in gradeschool. Then this other girl came a part of my life (Girl#2). So I dumped my ex(Girl#1) and got with the girl I met in my high school. (Don't ask why I did it, it was dumb. We all make mistakes) After I got with the girl(Girl#2) from high school, it lasted only a week cause I told her on the phone that I still had feelings for my ex. She cried and assumed I was breaking up with her, and I was trying to but in a different way. Didn't really mattered to me. So I went back to my ex(Girl#1) and she was so happy I was coming back to her life. She told me how much she cried when I left her. Things were never awkward between me and Girl#1. Even if something happened between us we would kept on making each other smile and talk a lot and our cheeks began to hurt when we kept on talking and reminiscing about our past. As months passed by, my Sophomore year came up. Yeah.. I stopped talking to Girl#1 for a while. We never got back together but we were in the process of getting there. I was taking summerschool before Sophomore Year, and I met this other girl who was a newcoming freshmen (My Girlfriend Right Now/Girl#3) I loved her personality so much. We became bestfriends and became really close. I still talked to my ex(Girl#1-btw she goes to a different highschool) Then the time came.. I liked both girls now #1 and #3. I kept on comparing and tried to follow my heart. It was either history or a new history. I kept reasurring myself to look ahead so I won't make the same mistakes. Then when the time came, I left #1 and never spoken to her and asked out #3.

    Today:
    So School starts tomorrow and I'm still with girl #3. A week ago, my best friend told me she talked to girl#1 and said how she said she's over me. I know she's not, I made a huge impact in her life. She said so much good things about me that she told my best friend. She said how much she loved me and how much she fought for me even though I was so confused and kept going from girl to girl. I know right now, if I dump girl #3 and go back to her girl #1 I still have a chance with her. I'll take the risk of being hated in high school, lose friends that are close to Girl#3. Not only that but Girl#1's friends hates me. They hate my guts for making her cry so much. But Girl#1 told my best friend that she didn't care what her friends or parents said about me. That's definitely a good thing.

    **So in Conclusion: The problem is what should I do? I still love my girlfriend right now. But I'll always have feelings for my ex no matter what, I know it. I know if I keep going from girl to girl, I'll keep dumping that girl and fall in love again with my ex. This happened 3 times now. I just need suggestions and opinions people.**

    This, this is my nightmare.

    Sorry if you read this whole thing and didn't enjoy it. I feel like I have to explain everything. I can write a whole novel if I have to. My lovelife is so interesting but it is also a catastrophe.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Sep 2, 2008, 08:04 AM
    I think this is more about you learning to deal with your feelings, than it is about the females.

    At 16 they all are attractive, and its not that easy to just like one, I understand, but make a decision, and stand up for it, and stop letting your feelings confuse your mind, and dictate your actions.

    Think about what your doing, before you do it.
    BeeBopN's Avatar
    BeeBopN Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Sep 2, 2008, 09:12 AM
    Thanks a bunch talaniman.

    Here's option one: break up with the girl I'm with now, and let my mind and feelings settle down and wait who I want to be with. But I hate to see my girlfriend cry.

    Option two: keep on going through where I am right now in life. Tomorrow is school and I'll be seeing my girlfriend everyday, but then again, I'll be thinking about my ex.

    The thing is, my eyes were on girl#1 for 2 years. After the experience with girl#2, I kept on coming back to her, telling her why I do I keep falling for you. Now I got another girl on the other line who's my girlfriend who I really like it. Its been 4 months together now but we've been also bestfriends for 14 months now. So its been long. Geez everyone's lovelife at this age is hard. Its so common.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #4

    Sep 2, 2008, 03:38 PM
    I don't think you love any of these girls and maybe you should leave them both alone. It's a decision only you could make if you leave or stay or which girl you choose. Whatever or whoever you choose stick with that choice and when you see another girl that spark your interest remember what you share with your current girlfriend or break it off before you start something. If anything be honest with these girls.
    BeeBopN's Avatar
    BeeBopN Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Sep 2, 2008, 04:49 PM
    Um just to be short ::liz::
    I really truly love my girlfriend right now. Its just that there is some point where something or someone reminds me about my ex then I start thinking about her again. I care a lot about my ex. And really, right now I just textd my ex asking if we can talk. I'm just so confused people. So here's what I'm doing so far, I'm staying with my girlfriend, but I want to be friends with my ex.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Sep 2, 2008, 05:01 PM
    Talaniman rule- One female at a time! If you have a g/f, you shouldn't be sniffing after another one under guise of friendship. That's dishonest, as its plain you want to keep one on the side, in case this one doesn't work! Liz is right, unless you can be honest, your wasting everyone's time with this selfish, self serving game.
    BlakeCory's Avatar
    BlakeCory Posts: 236, Reputation: 21
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    #7

    Sep 2, 2008, 05:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by BeeBopN
    I really truly love my girlfriend right now... but I want to be friends with my ex.
    That doesn't sound like a very strong love. It's OK to think about your ex. It's OK to have feelings about your ex. Those things, for the most part, are out of your control. When you decide to rekindle the friendship… that is in your control. You’re setting yourself up for some serious drama, and it isn’t as fun as the kind on TV.
    BeeBopN's Avatar
    BeeBopN Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Sep 3, 2008, 02:57 AM
    Blake Cory, you are absolutely right. Too bad I didn't get to read yr post before I called my ex. But I like to say that this post is over. I called my ex and here's what happened:

    Me: Hey what's up
    Ex: oh nothing much, doing homework.
    Me: oh I see.
    Ex: Really *BeeBopN*, why did you call me? What did you want to talk about?
    Me: I just wanted to say sorry and I finally realized the pain you went through.
    (My ex studders)
    Ex: oh.. Okay.. That's all?
    Me:.. And I also want us to be friends, but that's really up to you.
    (My ex studders more)
    Ex: *BeeBopN* I really think I shouldn't talk to you anymore.
    Me: oh, it's okay, its really understandable.
    ~~~Awkward Silence~~~
    Me: It was worth a shot. I guess this is goodbye then.

    Well I understand what she's going through. She just doesn't want to get hurt and I guess maybe she just doesn't want to have drama maybe after reading BlakeCory's post? Well that's what I think. But I needed to make that call to finally get over it. So I wouldn't say I did the dumb thing to call. I had to do it to make myself feel better at least saying sorry. So Liz is right, I'll leave my ex alone. But before I made the call to my ex, I told my neighbor I said I'm keeping my girlfriend because she needs me and will be helpless without me.

    I just wanted to say thank you to talaniman, liz, and blakecory for helping me. After the call, all I could do is stop crying and smile. Cause this is life, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Someone will get hurt and someone will be happy. I still failed myself to make someone cry. And I believe this is my first time hearing someone saying they didn't want to be friends at all. Harsh, but its best for her. And maybe it would have been best for me according to BlakeCory.
    SweetDee's Avatar
    SweetDee Posts: 534, Reputation: 51
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    #9

    Sep 3, 2008, 03:24 AM
    Your only 16... I guess this drama just prepares you for you adulthood. It sets a foundation so you'll have somewhere to draw from when you're a man.

    I think that you're calling your ex was something called "closure". It is helping direct you in one way or another. Just because your ex is pissed at you doesn't mean it's over for her. It does seem like she wants to start fresh at school though.

    You don't have to commit w/ your girlfriend. You've been w/ her a long time. You're young. See where this year brings you... maybe you'll meet girlfriend #4... or go back to #1. It's all good beebopn... you're a teenager and you're in the learning curve...
    chinaware's Avatar
    chinaware Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Sep 3, 2008, 04:00 AM
    If you're not totally over your ex then maybe you should stop going out with your girlfriend. Don't stay in the game if you want to play with someone else, you'll just end up hurting your current girlfriend.
    tabbarat's Avatar
    tabbarat Posts: 268, Reputation: 8
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    #11

    Sep 3, 2008, 09:39 AM
    I really like it when young guys are asking for relationship advice.. I appreciate their honesty.. but, friend, the best advice I can give u: "ur too young! party till ur in ur 20's! u have plenty of time before a women starts to piss u off :)"

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