The holiday blues is tough for sure, I'll give that to you. But instead of doing something dumb, you came here and expressed yourself. That in itself, is a very good sign.

Hey

I accept with Eura and George.. Throw away all her memories like pictures,emails etc.. I have a question "Do you still Love her" If Yes is your answer I have a constructive option.let me know your reply.Be happy and have faith and confidence.. :) :)

I know how hard it is to let go =( its tough but doing hobbies like gym and other fun things.. will really take your mind off it =)


do things to better yourself.. Gym will give you a lot of confidence it's the main thing you need after a relationship ends.


in a strang way I like braking up with girls that's when I go to the gym the most hehe

Regards

About 6 months ago I was a regular here. It's been 13 months since I've been in any sort of relationship. I had a very intimate relationship, a great house, a promising career, and great friends. In the span of 2 months I lost it all. As emotionally debilitating as it all was, nothing was as painful as losing the person I felt was "the one". I was a sappy romantic, the kind of guy that wanted a big wedding, and bought flowers every day. It ended tragically, a victim, and circumstance of my demons, which despite my best efforts refused to die. 6 months passed, and I found myself back together again after a whirlpool of self destruction. I started working out again and living healthier, picked up hobbies, yet I had a relapse of what now is diagnosed as a "manic" episode, or demons which I speak of and I fell back into desolation. I've realized these episodes have cost me much in my life, including friends, partly out of shame of some of my actions, and because seemingly I seek out the wrong people. I digress.

I've also realized that these manic episodes tend to coincide with emotional struggles I encounter. My current life seems like a bad dream. Nothing appears real yet everything seems painful. I have no friends, and what family I do have, I find no comfort in. It isn't totally their fault, my parents are nice enough, although they haven't always been. I find myself often dreaming, and thinking of my past life, when it was at its most promising. I think of my ex and I feel torn inside, and life takes the shape of a black hole. Totally devoid of meaning. I am talented, nothing I've come across intellectually, has defeated me. Yet I find myself underachieving because of, what I think, is myself imposed misery filled, mistakes. I hear in my head buck up! Sit down and stop whining. Get off your pity pot! But every time I try and try hard, I find no connections to other people, I'm rejected and generally people find me disagreeable. It isn't for a lack of kindness on my part, but because I am so unhappy, I tend to have a hard time empathizing with others. I should have no reason to complain. This isn't a third world country, and I'm attending a great univ.. Yet I can't seem to pull away from this black hole.

Chemically, I understand, my mind isn't operating in a redeeming fashion. Which brings me to my current situation. My ex sent a "global" email to all her friends and for some reason I received it. It's been 5 months, I think, since we spoke, and the email was not directed towards me. She's on TV now, and I'm on the couch, a metaphoric reality of where we stand. She seems to be doing so much better than me. Has a great love interest, apparently. This has sent me into a tailspin of despair and self destruction yet again. I haven't left my home in 5 days. I spent the 4th of July alone. I've given up my duties at my job, which is illustrious for my age. In addition, I've had my mentor fall ill, my boss at work, which has also left me stunned. I had a close family member end up in jail all in the span of a week. This trend coincides with each time she contacts me. The last email I received from the ex was a boast! She seems to derive pleasure by flaunting to me of all people! Why won't she release me. I have ignored all her latest emails and have spurned her request for friendship. After what she did to me, how could I be friends with her? Even facing the reality of a very lonely existence I'd rather be alone. But I keep getting messages every 2-3 months sending me spiraling. It's as if she won't be satisfied until I'm dead or groveling. I'm not a spiteful person, but much of the reason why I am totally alone is how she left me. She took all the friends, which in reality really weren't friends to me at all. Once the veil is lifted and the nice dream is over reality strikes one with impunity. Am I the only one that feels these things? Can someone relate? To the logical person, they would say, she probably isn't even thinking about you! The truth doesn't escape my consideration, and is ripened through meditation, but that doesn't change how I feel. Even if she emailed me unknowingly, that only makes it worse. Should I send her an email telling her to take me off her "global list" effectively treating her like a telemarketer? My restraint relies on revulsion against satisfying her, 13 month spell, of seeking my envy. I am not envious, but to give her the satisfaction would be so emotionally draining. What can I do to turn this around?

What can I do to turn this around?
To put it simple and blunt Get a life.
I know easier said than done.
I feel a lot like you but I never had anything and I don't have depression.
Even though I don't have a house and much of any material things I feel much like you because I am stuck in the house due to circumstances most of the time.
I get depressed in a sense but it is more my situation and not due to inner chemical imbalance. I know it is hard not letting it get you down but the more you do the more you are giving in to self-defeat.

Find things that interest you and keep your mind occupied even if it is something as simple as looking up things on the internet to enrich your life. Like look up some topics you always wanted to learn more about.
Get out and find hobbies. Think of goals and how to work toward them.

Don't let 'her' get you down. Change your email address and phone # if you have to.
Put her emails in the spam folder. Don't watch her on TV.

Put her email address in spam list, you wouldn't get any otherone after that.

mm... don't be sad, I was the same... you'd be OK.

If you persuade yourself that she was not good enough and that's why you are so sad, you would agree that what has happened is best for you and you will be OK soon. Just don't think of past too much :)

Many people 'persuade' themselves to become a success so the very ones that belittled them end up wanting to grovel at your feet.

Dear enigmagnetic.

I sincerely am so sorry for your loss in more ways than one. You are so intellectual in thought and word that it hurts me to see you being dragged down into your self-made black hole. It makes me wish that I could fly over and pick you up and relocate you to a new university, new city and help you get started in initiating a new view on life. It also makes me feel as if I need to put my arms around you and give you a hug and encouragement. Unfortunately we both know that this is something I cannot do for you, but sincerely hope that you can find a way to lift yourself out of this and start taking steps to redeem your self-respect and lust for life.

What nohelp suggested about changing your email name and spamming her is a good advice. I would also seriously think of checking on the possibility of transferring to another university to continue with your studies. Starting in a new environment and new place to live will also help you not being faced with too many familiar things that remind you of her and your period of that self-destructive whirlpool. Whether this is possible or not, I would also start therapy as soon as possible - you need this for self-preservation and a more positive perspective.

You deserve a second chance and should take advantage at any and all options available to make this possible. Just don't continue to wallow in this destructive self-pity stage for another moment or you might find yourself stuck there forever and I think that would be a great loss.

So, ask around about transfer possibilities, see a therapist, find a self-help group and keep as busy as possible. Just don't stay home alone continuing to sink deeper.

Also stay with us and vent all you need to - sometimes it helps just to let it out and we are here to listen.. but please do take steps to move away from your prison and good luck.


Also check out the first four stickies in the relationship's section again.. you need to feel you are not alone - and honestly, you are not.

Block her e-mail address, see a therapist and enjoy the fact you wake up every day healthy. You need to live life and not let life live you

Thank you all for replying.

Nohelp4u,

I know, I know I need a life. I'm working on cutting some of my responsibilities out, especially at work, so I can have some free time to pursue some interests I've had that I've ignored in the last few months. I remember one of the reasons I was starting to feel better was because I started new hobbies and I was working out a lot. I barely have time to do those things anymore, and I think it is impacting me by making me feel so redundant and empty consequently, I don't feel myself growing. I do, in fact, delete her emails, but the TV thing was purely coincidental.

Kitty, I'm beyond trying to convince myself that I'm better off, until I see things change, and/or I find someone else, I can't help but feel emotionally nostalgic.

Chery,

Thanks for the words of encouragement, they provided comfort and I agree. This is no longer my city. Other than my Univ. I have no reason to stay here. I have no attachments here, and I'm not fond of the environment here. I've been telling myself that this city, this journey is like my version of Homer's "The Oddyssey". I see it as the jungle where I must fend for myself and prove my survivability. My freedom will be gained when I escape this jungle, to where I really belong. I'm out of the house, and I went back to work today. After a week hiatus I'm a bit more relaxed and not as anxious. Here we go again.

Romefalls, too right you are! It's excruciating to know that I am so able, yet my drive is so weakened. It is actually infuriating to be less active simply because I'm down trodden. Like I said, I know I shouldn't complain, and optimism is the road to redemption, but it's a rollercoaster.

I know how you feel. I too had anxiety attacks where I did not leave the house for weeks on end, and when I did, it was Stressville until I finally went back in and felt safe.

Unfortunately, my physical illnesses prevent me from relocating, so I envy you there... I feel that I am in a prison with no means of escape. That's why I'm grateful for the 'family' I have on this site.

It does sound as if you are doing a little better.

Remember, if ever you need to vent or a hand in climbing back out, we are just an internet address away which is open 24/7 and located all over the globe.

Send her to spam as others have said, that's where she belongs, and reread some of the great advice you have given others... and follow it!

You can do this.