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    antararoxstar's Avatar
    antararoxstar Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 29, 2009, 02:06 AM
    How to stop being possessive
    See I never had any friend but then a girl in my class became my friend after this best friends I started loving her more and more people started to say that I'm getting obsessed with her and obviously she also started noticing that I was becoming more and more possessive but you know I never try to force things on her like there was this girl in my class I din't like and she used to talk to her but I never stopped her from talking to her at all in fact she started becoming her really good friend and then I started feeling awkward when she was with us or whenever she used to talk about but I never let my feeling show at all and sometimes out of my irritation and frustration I did things to her which made her realise that I'm jealous of her . But my friend never paid any attention to what I felt . I don't know why was that . But this was years ago and now we are still good friends I love her a lot and may she loves me too . I always do what she wants me to do but still she's never happy with no matter what I do for her . I have changed myself from head to toe for her but now she gets irritated with me when she's with me , sometimes I feel she wants to be with me but when she gets irritated she dosen't realise what she is saying to me and whether she's hurting me or not . She's always very sensitive to her own feelings but she's very insensitive to others feelings .

    I tried every damn thing to make her realise that I love her a lot and she knows that too. But why is she like that I even tried to ignore so that she realises my importance what I did was I stopped calling I stopped texting her but then it became her habbit of me calling once in 15 days and now we have no topic to each other and this strengthens her feelings that we are not at all compatible . Not only this I even tried to make her feel jealous but she understands me so well that she din't react to it all . I have ever tried everything but not left with any thing what do I do because she dosen't want me to go away but she stand me for long time also . WHAT DO I DO... U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH HURT U FEEL WHEN UR BEST FRIEND GETS IRRITATED WITH YOU... HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS...
    summer7's Avatar
    summer7 Posts: 344, Reputation: 44
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    #2

    Nov 29, 2009, 02:36 AM

    Hi,
    Wow, I can see you are very hurt by this. Am I understanding you correctly that she is your first friend? Also, you mention that you've known her for awhile. Is she your only friend?

    You have made a lot of effort to change yourself and be perfect for her. You are so appreciative of her friendship. I can understand your desire to want to hold on tight and not to let go of someone you care about. Unfortunately this behavior makes people want to distance themselves. All this is very smothering to a person. It makes them feel trapped.

    You are so focused on her and changing yourself for her. If you changed to become the best person you can be for your own satisfaction, and not to please others, you would attract more friends. If I were you I would try to get involved in activities where I would meet more people. It is not healthy to have all your focus on one person. Also, trying to make her jealous is a bad game to play. It's really silly to do this. I understand you want to get a reaction and see if she cares but these games are childish and will only create more distance.

    Some advice to help you...
    Think about all the wonderful things about you. What makes you special. What do you have to offer. What makes you unique.

    Think about things that interest you and activities that you enjoy where you will meet people. Join a group or club. You need to meet more people. Do something fun.

    Understand that no one likes to be smothered and made to feel like they are all you have in the world.

    Try to stay away from her for awhile. Give her space. If you want her as a friend, be respectful of her space. And no more silly games.

    It is wonderful to improve... but do it for yourself and not because you are trying to win someone's love. People will appreciate your uniqueness. I hope you feel better soon!

    Healing the heart takes time.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    Nov 29, 2009, 10:27 PM
    She is calling you once every 15 days as you say, and you have nothing to talk about. It seems you care far more for her, than she does for you.

    You also note that you were becoming more and more possessive when you were together, and other people noticed that you were obsessed with her.

    Maybe now you are realizing that it is not likely that despite the time you did have together, that things will ever return to where they were.

    To be possessive or obsessed with another individual usually means trying to control them, out of fear of losing them. If you can keep her close, and occupied with only you (sounds like you went to great lengths to do that), then, it seems only logical that she should return her gratitude and appreciation. Unfortunately, love doesn't work that way.

    You would be wise to move on, and before you become involved with another girl, think about what you need. Loyalty, friendship, and the freedom to be trusted and respected for the person you are. Not the person someone else thinks you should be, or the person you change yourself for, to make them like you.

    You shouldn't have to change yourself, for anyone. You are who you are. Consequently, no girl should have to change who she is, to be with you. It will all come naturally, in time.

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