My boyfriend and I were inseparable. We were together for a year and about to move in together. We both kept saying how easy this relationship was. And he told me numerous times that I was the one. Over the holidays he even told me that he know where and how he wanted to propose.

So you can imagine my surprise when all the sudden he felt like moving in together was too fast. And that he wasn't ready. And breaks up with me. I'm stunned. At first he was broken up about it. Kept messaging me and said that he loved me and missed me, but 3 days later he had his emotions under control and now every time I hear from him it's "really hope you're doing well" and "take care".

We've only been broken up for a month, and this was the love of my life. Did I mean that little? How is he over it? Help. :(

I suspect he met someone else and is now with her.

I had the same suspicions. But we are in the same industry and have mutual friends... No one has surfaced.
I'm wondering if he had a freakout about moving in..

Well, just treat him like anyone else. The truth will come out.

Hard to say from what you write caused the break up, but he's not freaking out. He has thought about this prior to actually announcing the plans to you. The reason he moves on so quick is that that he was prepared for this to happen.

This is what happens when you're the dumper-you've been thinking about breaking up for some time,so you've worked on moving on already.

Be glad this ended before you moved in together. I think he was not being honest as he could have been, when he was filling your head with high hopes.

Accept his feelings have changed, or his true feelings have surfaced, and make a clean break of this for your own good, as he sure wasn't ready for a big commitment like you were.

Guys are guys and well what guy wants to show their feelings? At first he told you he loved you and that he misses you but that was his thinking stage and when he realized how it is without a relationship he "moved" on, I think he still loves you but I would obsess about whether he moved on. You need to focus on yourself and moving on.

I hear you... But I really thought I was going to marry this guy... naïve to ask... but any chance in a few months he'll come crawling back. I really think its cold feet.

How do you mean, treat him like everyone else?

Fair enough. He told me he was thinking about it for a few weeks... He seemed so in it. So my question is... any chance this is a temporary case of cold feet?

Sure it's possible... but not likely. Your life is for you, and you must accept that this is a break up. I know we all want to get back together after the break up, we all hope this is some kind of temporary thing. But the longer we hold onto that, the longer it takes to begin to move forward. You owe him nothing, and you certainly don't owe waiting for him when he's treated you like this.

Thank you. It's hard when you get blindsided by the person you love. We never even had a single fight and he told me this was the best relationship he's ever been in. Just feeling a little lost right now. I went from apartment hunting and being together all the time, to empty drawers and sleeping alone. It's brutal.

Maybe he got caught up in the emotions, no doubt he does love you, but sometimes a person needs to step back to see more clearly.

All you can do is give him the space and time he wants. It is painful to be sure, especially when you weren't expecting it and it doesn't make sense to you.

Try to focus on yourself and the things you may want to do... goals... hobbies... time with friends. Expect some days will be better, some not so much, but you will get through.

I know it is. I've been there. The worst part isn't the loss, it's the not understanding why, just wanting an explanation for the why is in many respects worse then the break up. I know this sucks now, but as someone who has been in your shoes, let me tell you, you will appreciate this before you moved instead of dealing with it after you were living together. If you can take anything now, please take that because believe it or not, he has given that power to you. It was his decision now, but your win for the future.

And from someone else who's been in your shoes: give it time. Right now is going to hurt, you're going to feel lost, and you're going to not understand why he chose to end the relationship. You may never know exactly "why".

But, I can tell you that with time, you will be able to look back at why the relationship wasn't all you thought it was. You will see the deficiencies that made him a great partner for a time, but not the partner for your life.

And don't let this ruin your belief in romance and love, because the right person is out there and you will experience something that lasts.

Thanks. I feel so betrayed... I look back at texts and emails where only 2months ago he told me I was the one. He never let on that anything was wrong. I really hope in my heart of hearts that this is cold feet and that he'll come to the realisation that he made a mistake. The few times we've had contact the past few weeks he's seemed nice but detached. Tell me "really hope you're doing ok", but never talks about how he's doing. I miss my best friend.

Thanks! It really came out of left field. What's hard now is knowing he's flirting with girls and potentially hooking up. I can't even conceive of it. I know guys are wired differently and this is a mechanism but still makes me feel insignificant to the most significant relationship I've ever had.

Thank you! That's really comforting.

I understand why you want to hope for this-trust me. And it's not an impossibility, sure, but it's unlikely.

Fostering any hopes like this will only stunt your healing. You need to view the relationship as totally over, because what you once had is gone for good. If there will ever be a relationship in the future, then it would have to be rebuilt.

View it as gone for good, and move on. Don't count on him or the relationship to return. That way you won't have to deal with disappointment when it doesn't happen. Be disappointed now, and each day move in the direction of healing.

I strongly feel that you will realize in a year or so that, while it was a nice relationship while it lasted, he wasn't "the one". Right now you're in too much shock and pain to understand how you could have lost him-and trust me I have been there! The boyfriend that did this to me dumped days after sending me texts saying "I love you SO MUCH babe!!"

It SUCKS. And I felt so confused, I wondered why he was being such a coward about his feelings for me, I thought his single friends had made the grass look greener and he just needed to party. I thought it all. I was so destroyed and shocked for six months or so. That was in 2005. When I look back on my relationship with him-I realize that we were sweet to one another, and we really got along in many instances. But, there were some key principles on which we didn't see eye to eye-and they would have made things harder the further down the road we got. He surrounded himself with people and hobbies that I never would have surrounded myself with. While that doesn't necessarily mean anything, in this instance it was telling that our goals and interests just didn't coincide for a long term relationship.

You will discover things about your relationship that you don't see right now. Time does reveal many things for you. If there will ever be a second go at this relationship-YOU will use this time that you've been apart to set boundaries, and so will he. DON'T count on a second chance, though. Just accept that it's over, and move on.

This is my best advice based on experiences I've had. I know how you feel, and I can't give you a magic remedy for your pain, but take time to mourn and then move forward.

If sappy chick flicks help you any, "The Story of Us" with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer is my favorite break up movie. It's about a married couple on the brink of a divorce, and at the last moment right before they tell their children, they realize that they want to work things out. The reason it helped me is because it helped me to understand that I will find true love like that someday.