So ill try to keep this as brief as I can, but I need a lot of help I am in a really bad place right now. My ex and I dated for just under 2 years, we are both 20, yes I know were young and I don't know about life blah blah blah. I loved the girl with all my heart! I've had 2 previous relationships one a year, and the other 2 years. I knew both of those wouldn't work out and the first one I was broken up with and it sucked but I bounced back rather quickly. Well my recent ex broke up with me about a month ago now.

Our relationship was what I would describe as perfect, we fought minimally and if we did we knew how to take time apart be with our own friends for a bit, then talk things out and things were that much better between us, I never swore at her, never cheated on her, I'm very goal oriented, she had her ambitions about being a nurse and we both supported each other and were ready to take on the future. Well this would be our junior year of college and last year I heard about an internship that would take me 8 hours away, so we discussed it for about 4 months before I left, she constantly encouraged me to go go go and take the job, she knew it would suck being away but she would stay busy with school and wed talk regularly. So I applied for the job and was able to get it. It came time to leave and she was sad and said she would miss be but knew it was all for the best and she loved me more for all I was a sacrificing.

During the first 4 months I was here we saw each other fairly regular about every two weeks usually for at least 3-5 days at a time, so I wasn't really away that much. And even during that time she told me how happy she was with me and within the year of me getting back wanted to seriously consider getting married. I was hesitant at first but started to like the idea as I really do the love girl and started saving up money.

Well then the last time I went home things were great and amazing and she was still unhappy I was gone but nothing seemed out of the usual. The following week after I had left she called me and said she was unhappy, didn't know why couldn't explain it and was all around upset. She told me she had been unhappy for the entire past year of our relationship(news to me and I think it was a cop out excuse) and she doesn't think it would work out anymore. Well I did the usual cry beg, plead for her not to leave me bull****, and offered we try taking a break first, well that lasted for a day and she called the next day saying it was over. I called and texted her for a week trying to ask why and what happened and she seemed to get annoyed. So I let her be, then after a few days of not calling she messaged me saying she was drunk and felt bad but would explain later. I gave her until the next day, then kind of getting upset I wrote her a long good bye message that took me about a day and half to write. Finally after about 3 days she told me she accidentally deleted my message and wrote me something that looked like it took about 20 minutes basically telling me she doesn't think we'll be together when we get back and all about how she changed her hair.

I've been devastated with out her and love her more than anything in the world. Recently I've heard from some friends in her classes that she has been talking to some new guy but doesn't want to do anything until she's over me. I haven't talked to her in a week now and its killing me that I went from someone she wanted to spend her life with to all of the sudden she just gave up on us and is already considering someone else. The only thing I never liked about her was she was a party girl, but really when I was home, she kind of gave up partying and was always so loving and adoring when we were together. I miss her so much.

I've seen other posts on here and how helpful everyone can be I hope I can get some of that same help. I hate not hearing from her but being away I feel helpless in that there is nothing I can do. Our anniversary would be next week and I want to say something to her but I also think I shouldn't. Please if anyone has advice I would be glad to hear it. Thanks for reading!

Welcome to AMHD. Heart goes out to heart break is just painful.

Some times love has bad timing and this one of those cases. You are looking for closure but you need to accept that it is. There doesn't it matter the why? She decided that she didn't want to be with you come to accept it.

Now, if guess why she decided to end it was She loves you but she wasn't ready to give up all the young women stuff like the clubs and the parties. While you were away she probably had friends asking her to go out and have fun instead of staying home. Party girls don't party alone.

Clean break.. no contact rule applies. Maybe in the future she will grow out of it but don't wait around for it.

They time away from each other has probably shown her she wants to be single, she wants to party, nothing wrong with that, she is 2o after all.
The best thing for you is to go NC and stay that way. She has moved on and you need to as well.

I am doing my best to accept it. After the letter I wrote to her I have now been in NC with her for about a week now, I've been out bike riding, running, exercising and all around trying to make myself a better person, but then when I'm sitting at home my mind continues to drift back to her and what she is up too. I know she enjoyed partying and when we were together I never asked her to give it up, in fact we went out quite often and when out separately as well and also enjoyed having nights to ourselves just sitting around and watching movies. And even being away I never wanted her to give up going out that would be madness and unfair to her. I was nice enough to ask what I thought were the simple questions, like when shed be home and let me know she was safely. I never worried about who she was with because I trusted her fully she never gave me a reason not too.

Now the last thing she told me was that she wanted to focus on herself and school and not mee. But I can't wrap my head around how she is doing that if she is partying and drinking every night. She became very cold the last few times we talked and the rejection I think is what's killing me the most. I hate the thought of her being with another guy because now that she's single I don't see her being the type to resist temptation as much. Is it normal to feel this way and wonder what she's up too or if she even cares about me at all?

It sounds like you made her out to be someone you wanted in your mind, but not someone she was in reality. I have no doubt you love her because love can do just that, it can blind you to the reality and create the illusion. But you were asking in a way for her to become somebody she was not comfortable being. She can do that for a little bit, but eventually somebody is going to go back to who they truly are. She was no different. I know this is a tough time, but right now you have to quit asking about her and quit socializing with her friends. You have to create space and reclaim yourself to move forward.

She is who she is. Maybe she tried to be what you wanted and found it is easier being herself.
She has left you and you have to deal with it. What she does and how she does it is not your concern or business, so take your nose out of it and concentrate on getting your life together.

I don't think I made her out to be someone she wasn't, at least id hope not. I mean she was caring, told me all the time how much she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. She wrote forever on everything, cards, gifts, letters, texts you name it. I even gave her a locket with forever engraved. I guess maybe she was uncomfortable not being the single party girl, but she never lead on to it. We went out most weekends together or separate and I kind of enjoyed that she was like that because its what enabled her to be so open and out going which I loved about her.

Well I was able to take a step further in the right direction today I hope. I haven't been friends with her on fb for a while but I made the effort today to defriend any mutual friends I had met with her, essentially her friends not mine, and also defriended her siblings and cuzins. That hurt because I was close with them too and they've even asked how I'm doing but I know its for the best.
Over this month I've found myself at highs and lows of thinking I'm fine I can do with out her but then I slip right back into being depressed and missing her like crazy and want to break NC. Do these feelings last long? Does anyone else feel that often?

Each person is different. I know it is painful but it will lessen with time.
You have made some good steps. Stick to it.
If and when you need to vent, we are here.
I wish you well.

I can tell you it will take a while to get your own life back, after being so attached to someone so closely for so long. But eventually if you leave them, and their life alone, you will rebuild one without them. It's a matter of time, and highs and lows are a part of life any way. It will get better later.

Well I really screwed up tonight and broke the no contact I had built up. I was online and noticed pictures weren't there anymore. Realizing it meant albums of hers were missing, I was so f---ing stupid I called her and asked if she wanted me to take down my albums as well. Sure enough it grew into a bigger conversation that basically lead to her saying our relationship wasn't worth a second chance or I'm not worth a second chance. She said she was sorry and that she does miss me, but it wouldn't be fair. Told me that she isn't seeing anyone and probably won't for a while, but she's drinking more, started smoking more, and now all of the sudden she does pot. Which I had always been dead against so hearing that she's ruining her life in that way was a devastating blow. She said maybe one day again we could be friends and I flat out told her no its not worth it, if I'm not worth a second chance she's not worth being my friend. And still not having complete knowledge of why we broke up I decided to ask her and still got nothing. Only that she's told me, but saying she was unhappy and didn't know why doesn't really tell me a damn thing. I don't know what to work on because I don't know what I did wrong, that she was unhappy for a few months, year whatever. I told her I guess it was all a big lie then and she said no it turned into one.

I feel more devastated now than I was when we originally broke up. Now I have to reset NC back to zero and its even harder than it was the first time. I feel completely worthless, like I never mattered one bit. How can she have gone complete 180 on me. I was willing to do anything for her, go to the ends of heaven and earth and she couldn't return the same to me. It hurts and it kills. Why do we go through life wanting love that brings us so much joy only if it brings so much pain when it comes to an end? I am in complete turmoil right now, and don't know where to begin in picking up the pieces! I feel like my life has crumbled around me and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Thank you for the help so far. I think I need it more than ever!

Honestly man, it sounds weird to say in this situation, but I think you're taking it too personally. When you first get in a relationship, all kinds of chemicals are pumping through your body. Those chemicals amplify the feelings you'll have, and they usually keep going for the first 6-12 months, until your body eventually builds up enough tolerance that the effect isn't as strong. A lot of times, people end up in longer relationships that weren't meant to work because of that. When you two were apart, she had time to sort of come down from all of the emotions in her head and think more clearly. She may have realized that she wasn't ready to settle down, or to stay with you. But it sounds more like she is just going in a different direction with her life. I honestly wouldn't take it to mean that you're not a valuable person, because I'm sure you are. Don't let the end of this relationship define how you view yourself, because it's not related. Her breaking up with you isn't a reflection of who you are, it's just a reflection of who she is. Try really hard to remember that when you're feeling down.

And I'm sorry to hear about how much pain it's causing you, because I think you had serious feelings for her. But it also sounds like you're idealizing her as well. I understand, because that happens when you care deeply for someone, but at the same time, it's giving you a skewed view. Obviously, I don't know much about her other than she's a party girl who smokes and drinks and sounds like a typical 20 year old. But I can assure you, there are other girls out there that will make a good fit for you. And I don't think you could avoid meeting them if you tried. Just take this time to keep getting yourself together. Keep exercising, keep working on your goals, and the rest of the pieces will fall into place. Also, it's normal to be insanely curious about her and what she's doing, but every time you check up on her you're just going to prolong your pain. It's unrealistic to say that you should never look into her again, but just keep in mind that every time you do you're going to re-open an old wound again, and you should really avoid it if you can.

So I have done a lot of thinking today since talking to her last night. I know I love her and miss her desperately. Obviously something in her mind changed about me and I know I can't force her to change her mind back. Now although I broke NC by calling her last night, in a way I'm also glad I had. That's because if I hadn't I would not have found out that she has started doing drugs. I am completely against that as I am going to school to be a pilot and do not need to take risks like that affecting my career.

Now the hard part and the turmoil I'm facing, I know I shouldn't worry about it because she's not my girlfriend anymore, but I'm disheartened to find this out for a few reasons. For one she told me her grades haven't been so good, and she used to be so goal oriented. And secondly she always told me she broke up with her boyfriend prior to me because he had smoked pot all the time, so why now does she let herself get involved in that.

My other question is how long does this feeling of being alone last, I feel completely empty, and even though I hate the fact she's making poor decisions I still miss her and love her and sadly still want her back in my arms and in my life! Will this feeling of missing her and wanting her back in my life subside?

Yes it will. As you rebuild a life without her, it will get better but for now while the wounds are fresh, it will suck. We all go through this after a break up.

really confused today and need some assistance. I've been holding to no contact. And took the initiative to completely block her from fb as seeing her pic kept hurting more and more. Well about an hour after doing this and not having ever had her contact me first, she out of no where texts me. Asking why I blocked her and telling me randomly she fixed her car. Didn't really make sense. Now she was the one that defriended me first, took down pics of us, and changed her profile pic to her and some guy friend. So why would it matter if I block her? And should I take the time to kindly respond to her text to tell her I did it for my own good or let it be and hold strong with NC? I'm torn as to which decision I should go with.

We have all been were you are right now! The alone feeling is so powerful you wonder how your ever going to survive. Its hard to breath just thinking about them, if they maybe with someone. Can't hardly eat because you can't swallow over the lump in your throat.
Yep, we have been there. Most of all were searching for answers when we also found this site. The "NO Contact" are pretty easy to read, and we all comprehend them, but we just play around putting them into place. Why, because they may call, or contact us on Facebook, or whatever other excuse we come up with. And boy do we come up with those excuses!! Then we go from being the ex boyfriend/girlfriend to being the parent, so consummed with how are they doing, are they doing something stupid,etc.
Listen, Your going through a loss, and you need time to mourn that loss. But you don't stop living your life, go out with friends, try to do something you have never done, heck I would suggest sky diving, but your going to be a pilot,so that probably doesn't hold any appeal!! Try a new sport, I hear snail races are very exciting (LOL)! Stick to your guns, no contact, its hard but you if your going to be a pilot you better have those make a decision stick to it abilities. Start answering post on this site, helping others will also help you. Good luck

Leave her alone.
She will get the message.
NC is for you not her.

Make no decision accept stick with NO CONTACT. Even when she contacts YOU, for whatever reason. As you see, any contact from her will only start the wondering why she is doing it thing to start all over again.

If you had clear thinking you would know already it was but a reaction to what you did on Facebook. Can you block her from texting, then do so. Hurts but better than being confused, or filled with false hope.

So I've been sticking with no contact, I'm out doing things, focusing on work and trying to make myself happier and better. Yet I continue to have this feeling of anxiety and often feel like I did something wrong, even though I know I didn't. I've been out with friends heard many encouraging words and sometime feel great, but then any time I'm alone for a while my mind constantly drifts back to her. After all I've been through I shouldn't want to think about her, I should be able to let it go, shouldn't I? I hate always thinking about what we could have been and all the things I still wanted to do with her, I try to combat these feelings, keep myself busy, sleep, but everything is only a temporary solution and my mind wanders back to her, making the urge to break NC that much harder. But I'm determined to hold strong. Will my mind always drift back to her because of how much I love/loved her?

It will for a while, but as time passes it will get less and less

No it won't allows be this way, just until the healing process has enough new memories and concerns to push aside the old feelings and attachments, and that takes time for us all.

The old feelings are still fresh is all and healing is a slow process.