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tripod18 · Oct 28, 2013, 03:23 AM

I am in this incredibly complicated situation (that I really do not wish to go into), in which my best friend, with whom I am madly in love with, does not believe me when I tell her that I love her. I have done everything in my power to make her happy and to let her know that I, in fact, do love her, and while she does reciprocate, telling me that she loves me as well, there is always this underlying uncertainty. This, I know, is the result of a past relationship, in which she put her feelings on the line, and then was crushed. I've asked everyone I know for help, and this is my last resort.

At this point I'd like to hear every possible solution out there
(Except give up, I've gotten too many of those)

Also, she's afraid to start trusting people again after the incident with her ex. How can I gradually regain her trust? In case I didn't make it clear before, I'm completely and utterly head over heals in love with her, and I could honestly see us spending... well forever... together...
(I know, I'm creepy, but all that aside)

This situation has been going on for much longer than I'd care to admit so the sooner I can resolve this, the better. Thanks

talaniman · Oct 28, 2013, 04:24 AM

Back off as have you considered her love for you is a deep friendship, and NOT one of romance and dreams of a future together? If indeed this is the case, you stop trying to turn a friendship into a love because she doesn't feel as you do. It really doesn't matter why she does not reciprocate your feelings, the fact she doesn't want to is the part you ignore. That's so selfish on your part, and disrespects the fact you will never be a good friend because you want more than she is willing to give, and be grateful for what she does give... JUST friends.

That's probably why everyone is telling you to forget this obsessive idea of convincing someone to love you as you love them because love just doesn't work that way no matter how bad we may want it too. Sorry guy, you must face the truth, or spend years trying for something you may not get.

Back off, as she will see a true friend as special, and not someone trying to get her for life. Back way off, because there are no tricks and traps to capture the heart, mind and soul of a female you want. They either want you as much as you want them or they don't. When they don't you accept your rejection and back off, or go down the path of making a pest of yourself and destroying the friendship you could have.

She doesn't want to share her future with you as a lover. So back off and let her heal, and get over her hurts from the past, her way, in her time, not YOURS!

joypulv · Oct 28, 2013, 04:26 AM

You can't prove love to someone who is full of mistrust. Yes, that's just about the same as give up, but not entirely. Give up has the connotation of expecting you to not show love, or feel love, to go away. Realizing you can't prove love to someone who can't receive love trustingly is much more free. It allows you to keep on loving!

If someone is completely deaf, do you just shout louder and louder? No, you either learn sign language or you speak clearly so that they can read your lips. I can't tell you how to keep loving someone like your girlfriend without writing a book. Just be your usual sweet loving caring trustworthy self and don't push it or worry about it. Trust takes Time.

Cat1864 · Oct 28, 2013, 05:20 AM

You cannot 'prove' you love someone. They either believe it and feel the same or they don't.

Frankly, while you might have good intentions, your behavior is very controlling if you think you can tell her how she should feel about you. You want what you want and her feelings and needs do not really matter to you, do they? Be honest with yourself. If she told you leave her alone, you wouldn't because it isn't what you what you want.

How long ago did she break up with her ex? How long have you been pursuing her? Has she had any time and space to heal and clean up the negative motional dust from her past? she won't be ready for a new relationship until she does. You cannot do it for her and you cannot hurry the process for her. She has to be able to move forward with her life without someone else pushing and pulling her down the road.

If you want to show her that you care about her and her needs, back off and give her space. Stop making your needs her responsibility. She has enough to work through without your obsession adding confusion and stress.

Jake2008 · Oct 28, 2013, 06:25 AM

The "incredibly complicated situation (that you don't want to get into)" would probably provide more clues to give a better picture.

You tell her you love her. She tells you she loves you. She doesn't believe you love her. Have I got that right?

Yet, you imply that because of some experience with her ex, where she was crushed, is the cause of her doubting you?

How long have you been dating, and what's the rush to convince her that you love her by 'proving' it.

tripod18 · Oct 28, 2013, 07:21 PM

OK, to make myself more clear, she is just as obsessed with me as I am with her, but is too afraid to put herself out there again, and therefore does not want to date me unless she knows that I love her. When she tells me that she loves me, and I say "I love you too" she pauses and says, "I don't believe you".
talaniman I get where you're coming from but It's definitely NOT like that. There is definitely a difference between "deep friendship" and love, but I think the occasional kissing indicates that, though it isn't definitively love, it's more than deep friendship.
And that's a little bit more of the "situation that I don't want to get into"

talaniman · Oct 28, 2013, 09:08 PM

How can we have an honest conversation and make honest suggestions when you have so many complications and hidden facts you cannot disclose? Facts are needed complicated or not otherwise its a crap shoot in the dark giving any advice or opinions.

joypulv · Oct 29, 2013, 01:33 AM

Obsession isn't good for anyone.
A woman who says she loves you and then says 'I don't believe you' when you reciprocate is playing games.
If she has been dumped by a guy, she needs to get over it.
If she has been horribly physically beaten/raped by a guy, she needs therapy.
Game playing like this is just being coy under the guise of past suffering. If she is so burned, she shouldn't get involved with you at all.
For all you know, she just likes having you around as her adoring puppy dog, and will never actually feel real feelings for you.

mmresd · Nov 5, 2013, 05:56 PM

When you put a group of people together and they vote on something, it will have a higher chance of them being right. So if you have heard the give up a lot of times, it might mean that you need to give that choice a real consideration. She is playing games, unless you want to play them back off.