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hudson2 · Mar 22, 2015, 04:19 PM

How do I tell my girlfriend I won't have premarital sex

ScottGem · Mar 22, 2015, 04:22 PM

Can't or won't? Is she asking for sex?

hudson2 · Mar 22, 2015, 04:43 PM

Won't

DoulaLC · Mar 22, 2015, 04:43 PM

Whether the topic has already been mentioned, you feel things that have occurred thus far are leading in that direction, or you want to bring it up to just let her know, be upfront and tell her the reason (s) why you aren't going to have premarital sex, be frank and honest.

hudson2 · Mar 22, 2015, 05:34 PM

it comes from a personal value to want to wait until marriage but I know that it can be psychologically damaging to a person it causes other issues to have sex before marriage and before your ready how can I explain that

ScottGem · Mar 22, 2015, 05:51 PM

You didn't answer whether she is asking for it. So you wait until she does and you explain to her just what you said. That you have seen the damage premarital sex can do to a relationship and you have decided that you won't indulge.

talaniman · Mar 22, 2015, 06:04 PM

When the subject comes up, be honest. How long have you been together?

hudson2 · Mar 22, 2015, 06:30 PM

Yes she has asked me and my opinion on it,

I view that what you get ahold of sex ahead of marriage is not worth what you lose by it,

being psychologically damaged, and living with that guilt,

and if you have that value of not wanting to give it up why give it up for someone else even if you care about them you would not want them to go through that damage and hurt too

smoothy · Mar 22, 2015, 06:31 PM

I agree with the others, just tell her when it comes up. If you can't talk about these sorts of things... why are you even dating her?

DoulaLC · Mar 22, 2015, 06:38 PM

Since it has been brought up between you, hopefully it's been discussed to your mutual satisfaction and she respects your decision.

J_9 · Mar 22, 2015, 06:42 PM

How old are you both?

hudson2 · Mar 22, 2015, 10:17 PM

We can talk about it the question is how would you put it into simpler terms

I read a book that stuck with me a sentence in it that stuck with me is that sex can ruin your chances of knowing real love called Why Young People Should Know About These Things by William Lesego

That is what I want to explain

Oliver2011 · Mar 22, 2015, 10:48 PM

Your values are your values and two people who are dating should be able to communicate their values to each other. Of course once you communicate those values its up to her whether she wants to share and accept those values.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 23, 2015, 01:26 AM

First only need to discuss it, if and when she asks about it.

If she has asked, what did you say ?

And what you already said, is about as simple as it gets, you prefer not to, because of your beliefs.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2015, 04:54 AM

How do you know she does not share your values, which would make your concerns a non issue? You have not said how old you both are, or how long you have been in a relationship, nor at what stage things are right now, so its hard to really advise you as it seems you are jumping the gun at this point. Honesty is the simplest approach to this, and you will have to see what she says, and how she reacts.

This must be a fairly new relationship since you don't know her values on this subject either, so relax and enjoy getting to know more.

hudson2 · Mar 23, 2015, 08:16 AM

its just personal value but the reality of it is that premarital sex always can guarantee unwanted pregnancy,

no matter what kind of birth control there's a 100% chance you can get pregnant

then there's the emotional impact of what to do with the unexpected pregnancy which one should take the best measures to keep because it's a life you have to preserve
choosing not to can create the emotional impact of the experience will remain in the person's heart and mind forever. There’s no way to pretend that nothing has happened.

this site made me realize the importance of keeping of a baby for women even if its unexpected it's a life you want to preserve and keep and you do not want to give a emotional damage and guilt for the rest of their life, and give up a new person's life that was given to you http://www.lovematters.com/women.htm

that's another explanation I want to explain

talaniman · Mar 23, 2015, 08:30 AM

You have explained your position very well here, and whether your girlfriend agrees or not, either she respects it, or leaves, of which you will have no control over.

Its not as complicated as you are making it, so what are you REALLY worried about?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 24, 2015, 05:16 AM

You really just need to tell girlfriend that you are not having sex till marriage and leave it at that. Most will be relieved and have no problem.

But some may want to have sex, and you will have to find another girlfriend.

Your ideas are good, but no need to get so detailed. Just say you wish to wait till marriage. The issues of pregnancy, issues of abortion are all true, the idea of the mental stress is all true, but not really needed to explain. Say no, and she will either respect it, or not, if more discussion happens over time, it will come natural.

You seem way to concerned over merely telling her no, you want to wait.