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    phoebe123's Avatar
    phoebe123 Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jul 14, 2009, 12:56 AM
    How do I take control?
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years.. he lives with me, and most of the time we get on really well. I have recentally realiswed that he has become quite controlling, doesn't like me going out, wearing revieling clothes, talking to boys.. and the thing is I have let him become this way.. instead of putting up a fight I'll just agree with him because I hate arguing over small pathetic things. For example if he doesn't want me to wear something, I'll agree and wear a pair of skinny jeans. Its not right, I know, I need to know how to... get my own way without an argument. His point of views on our relationship is that:
    -when I go out I wear revieling clothes, me and my mates are too loud, and guys always try and get into me.
    -when a girl in a relationship wears a tiny dress when not with her boyfriend, she looks like slag, and is asking everyone to look and flirt with her.
    -if I talk to boys, I am throwing myselfe at them and coming across as 'up for it'. If his m8s try and talk to me when I'm out I should practically ignore them because they are ALL flirting with me.
    He's just really insecure, but I don't know what he's worried about because he knows I would never cheat or step over the line. We are both very young, and because we got together at 15! He has cought me out before, like talking privately to boys on Facebook.. this was at the start of our relationship before I was properly in love with him, but maybe that's why he still thinks I'm a flirt?
    I have tried talking to him.. he just sais 'you know what I'm like I'm really jelous' as if I should just put up with it. But I know he wouldn't like it if I made him feel bad every time he went out, and made him have to think all the time whether what he wants to wear will start an argument.
    I really want to know how to get back in control of my relationship.. without falling out all the time. He is worth it, I am more happy in our relationship than unhappy, I just know it could be better.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #2

    Jul 14, 2009, 01:34 AM

    Maybe a compromise? That is what couples do to get along.

    Maybe it is not all insecurity.

    My BF would not like me to reveal anything to the public and I am 55. LOL!

    I'm like what is there to see ?

    He says a lot and does not want any man eying me and wanting me,it tees him off.

    I don't think its so much insecurity as an ownership *shes mine* kind of macho thing and some of us really do want our men to have that ,to a healthy degree.

    How would you feel if he went out in tight bike shorts that showed off his package? And was flirty? Or he was being flirted with?
    Try to compromise a little if your relationship means that much to you.
    phoebe123's Avatar
    phoebe123 Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Jul 14, 2009, 01:44 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by artlady View Post
    Maybe a compromise? That is what couples do to get along.

    Maybe it is not all insecurity.

    My BF would not like me to reveal anything to the public and I am 55. LOL!

    I'm like what is there to see ?

    He says a lot and does not want any man eying me and wanting me,it tees him off.

    I don't think its so much insecurity as an ownership *shes mine* kind of macho thing and some of us really do want our men to have that ,to a healthy degree.

    How would you feel if he went out in tight bike shorts that showed off his package? And was flirty? Or he was being flirted with?
    Try to compromise a little if your relationship means that much to you.
    I do appreciate what your saying, but I am not a flirt and he knows I'm not.. he even gets annoyed when I go into town.. :confused: SHOPPING I mean there wanting a girl to be 'mine' but then there's expecting her not to do what she wants... he's even dumped me before because of what I wore! But then came running back.. I'm so confused. I do like him being protective and its nice to feel wanted and cared for, but if I want to do anything we have to have an argument, where he can do what the hell he likes.. he doesn't wear a top when its hot, he goes out when he wants, he's loud and may come across as flirty but I don't say anything..
    Sorry I'm not trying to contradict what you say you're a great help :)
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #4

    Jul 14, 2009, 01:50 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by phoebe123 View Post
    i do appreciate what your saying, but i am not a flirt and he knows im not.. he even gets annoyed when i go into town..:confused: SHOPPING I mean there wanting a girl to be 'mine' but then theres expecting her not to do what she wants.... hes even dumped me before because of what i wore! but then came running back.. im so confused. i do like him being protective and its nice to feel wanted and cared for, but if i want to do anything we have to have an argument, where he can do what the hell he likes.. he doesnt wear a top when its hot, he goes out when he wants, hes loud and may come across as flirty but i dont say anything..!
    sorry im not trying to contradict what you say your a great help :)
    A compromise is both people giving something up in a way.
    You stop accusing and I will stop wearing the micro mini dress LOL.

    You have to ask him what it is specifically he wants and you have to tell him what you want.
    You must understand what your expectations are in the relationship (within reason) and learn where to give and take.

    That is the only way it will work. Communication and compromise are the keys to a healthy relationship. Love is easy,it just IS,the rest is work.
    Work it out!;)
    phoebe123's Avatar
    phoebe123 Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #5

    Jul 14, 2009, 01:58 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by artlady View Post
    A compromise is both people giving something up in a way.
    You stop accusing and I will stop wearing the micro mini dress LOL.

    You have to ask him what it is specifically he wants and you have to tell him what you want.
    You must understand what your expectations are in the relationship (within reason) and learn where to give and take.

    That is the only way it will work. Communication and compromise are the keys to a healthy relationship. Love is easy,it just IS,the rest is work.
    Work it out!;)
    So.. what can I compromise over? I don't wear any micra dress... I want to wear this new skirt on the weekend, and he will be out with me, but there will probably be some huff and puff about it. What can I compromise there?

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