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sadinsandiego · Feb 17, 2011, 11:27 AM

My partner and I have 3 children and he is the provider for the family. He is extremely verbally abusive and it does get physical at times. He has not always been like this it's like 1 day he just changed. He always tells me same story of how he is going to change and I am sick of hearing it. We have been together for 6 years and it has only gotten worse. I recently lost my mother and things have gone to hell since then. He actually tells me he is doing me a favor by being with me. I have been a stay at home mom for the past 5 years and recently found the courage to get back in school and this drives him NUTS. He tells me I'm sleeping with my classmates and professor. He was just laid off from his job and collects unemployment and sits around the home (which everything is in my name because his credit is horrible) and does nothing all day, and gets mad at me when I come in tired from school or dealing with the kids which I do all alone and ask him for a little help he tells me "You had the kids, you deal with them" The police told me I can not just make him leave and the only person I can turn to for help is his mom who tells me to "hang in there" I am physically drained and don't want to put my children through this.. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I NEED HELP!

joypulv · Feb 17, 2011, 11:49 AM

You start with what you should have done years ago - making sure the state knows he's the father of all 3 children. Then you tell him that in a month you are moving out, if he can't help with kids he is half responsible for. You do all this with one ear to his plight, which is typical 'male provider' anger. Tell him he's been a good provider and that you are sure there is a job out there that he is really good at. Tell him you are not in school as a ticket out of his life, but a contributor. Men need to hear that as much as women need to hear that they are not getting sagging boobs and thick waisted.

talaniman · Feb 17, 2011, 06:34 PM

He is extremely verbally abusive and it does get physical at times.

Call your local women's shelter, or have a safe place with a friend, or relative that you can go to. Maybe the police can't make him leave, but they can arrest him for battery, or assault. YOU DO NOT STAY WHEN THERE IS VIOLENCE ON HIS PART. Now get a plan together, and follow through. You can't just sit and hope it gets better, you have to make it better.

AgirlBT · Feb 20, 2011, 04:20 PM

I think you shouldn't stay with him, especially if he doesn't care about the children now, he never will. If he hasn't always been like this maybe a therapist can help, but if you think that mentioning this to him will make him mad, even dangerous and violent, don't, just gather your belongings and your children and go somewhere safe! I wish you all the best!

jmjoseph · Feb 20, 2011, 04:45 PM

Leave him and start over. You can make do without having to walk on eggshells.

Anger kills.

God bless you.

joypulv · Feb 20, 2011, 06:28 PM

CAN'T THIS FAMILY BE SAVED?
Every time someone says 'verbal abuse, gets physical' we say leave.
This situation seems like it could use some talking through.
Man: out of work and useless feeling but doing ALL the PROVIDING.
Woman: in college - NO INCOME.
Why aren't you two talking about finances?

mmresd · Feb 23, 2011, 10:56 AM

Yes. Leave for the safety of yourself and your children, if he can be so disrespectful to hit his children's mother, then he can hit the children. Get out of there and then once you find a calm space you can start thinking about how you will pay for expenses and schooling, but the safety issue needs to be solved with a little more priority.

Good luck,

Javi