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flipperex · Jun 19, 2008, 05:09 AM

Hey every one. I would like to apologize in advance for my moderate knowledge of english... I'm in a need of some assistance. You see, I have a girl friend, for almost two years now. We "hooked up" 7th of July 2006, and today is 19th of June 2008.
We had our ups and downs, like every relationship has. In the beginning she was the one who was fighting for us. And fighting hard she was. After a couple of weeks, she got what she wanted, and the rest is history... we had the most beautifull time together... we love each other... But in the past couple of days, a problem acured... I feel that I'm losing her. That she's sliping out of my hands. I love her, and I can't imagine the world without her at my side, and I need her more than air. We had a talk at the subject at hand, and she said that she is unsure of her feelings for me, and that she can't make her self to say to me "I love you".
She asked for a brake, as in a pause between us, to take some time to sort out her feelings... so we are at the present time on a brake, but not a brake up... I don't know what to do, and I love her oh so much. I really need her by my side. Is there ANYthing I can do to make this relationship bounce back up? Is there anything I can do so that I don't loose her?

miller3 · Jun 19, 2008, 05:24 AM

Give her what she wants... a break. I am going through the same thing right now. I have been with my girl for over 2 years and her reasons change everyday to why we are over which tells me a break is best for both of us to recap everything. If you chase ti will push her away trust me on this. Your situation is not as bad as mine so relax and let time take its course. She will call if she wants to talk to you its as simple has that.

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 05:26 AM

Unfortunately... No, there isn't anything that you can do. She asked you for some space, so the best you can do is let her have time to herself to think things out and realize what she wants. You can't push her to make a decision or try to make up her mind for her, you will only push her away.

I must tell you that many times a break is just the 'nice' precursor to a breakup (cruel isn't it?). While that isn't always the case, I think you are best preparing for the worst. The same situation happened to me, and because I prepared for the worst while we were still 'on a break' it was easier when I heard the words that I knew were coming.

It sounds as though you lost your identity with this girl - a definite no no for the future. Without a life of your own, with her as the center of your universe, you set yourself up for one hell of a time if she is to leave. Trust me, I've been there and done that.

Best of luck

flipperex · Jun 19, 2008, 07:17 AM

Actually, there's something I didn't mention earlier that may be of some importance... one year ago, to the date... A few day's before our one year anniversary almost exactly this thing happened. She broke up with me. The reasons I will not mention. For about 10 - 15 days, in my complete ignorance, we didn't exactly stop seeing each other. We were in fact behaving like we both had separate relationships and were cheating on "our alleged partners" witch of course did not exist. In those 10-15 days, we were the hottest lovers there was in town. After witch we made up, and were boyfriend & girlfriend again...

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 07:29 AM

While the reason for that breakup might be of importance, you only need to tell what you feel comfortable with...

I can tell you that in my last relationship, my girlfriend (at the time) broke up with me for reasons that were confusing to me, but after about 3 months or so, we got back together. Then, a year later (2 months ago) she broke up with me again. Chances are, there were problems in the relationship that caused the first breakup, and these problems came back to haunt the relationship once again. Without some real time apart, and some real change on both sides, it is almost impossible for these problems to disappear and for you to get on with a healthy relationship.

flipperex · Jun 19, 2008, 08:30 AM

OK. I see your point. I'll tell you. Four months prior to our first brake up, I cheated on her, and I confessed. I realized what I did, and I told her the truth, even though every single person I knew, including myself, told me it was a bad idea. So, I told her of what I done, we took a brake for a couple of days, as you can imagine her shock, and we were all right. She forgave me. We continued our relationship as it never happened. The specific reason was that, that thing I did came back to haunt her, and I was overly jealous. For the term of jealousy in my book stands: "If u are jealous of tripping that your partner is cheating on you, its most possible that you have done the same thing". I can't really explain it in the words I'd like to, but I hope you got the picture. After we got back together over those 10-15 days stated in the text above, I did some serious changing an adapting to her. Nothing like being her slave or anything like that, just more into her, if you know what I mean. More interested in her desires. More there for her... I don't know how to explain it...

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 08:51 AM

Well it seems to me there are a few factors that come into play here...

1) You cheated on her originally. No doubt this tainted her trust in you somewhat, and trust is a very hard thing to win back. Have you noticed signs through the relationship that she has trouble trusting you? Is she possessive or controlling? Does she get paranoid about you doing it again?

2) You wanted to make up for what you did, and as a result you became extremely involved with her. You made her your number one priority and over time, she may have not liked this. She may have began to feel smothered...

After 10-15 days it is unlikely that anything change significantly between the two of you. She must have still been hurt, and you may have been sorry about it, but 10-15 days isn't long to "change who you are".

As it stands now, none of the past matters. What you must do is look to the future. Give her what she wants, if she wants to get ahold of you, she knows how. Do not wait for her calls, however. Get busy being happy by yourself. Get your own life and your own identity back.

flipperex · Jun 19, 2008, 08:58 AM

1)
Nop, she trusts me absolutely. She is not possessive nor controlling, and she isn't paranoid.
2)
I do not believe I'm smothering her, but, I accept it may be the case...

An interesting thought. I'll keep it in mind
But the changing of myself to better suit her, wasn't done through those 10-15 days... it took quite longer, if I dare say, its still in effect... I'm still modifying myself to her, as she is, or was, to me...

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 09:18 AM

Well I'm glad to see that you are changing yourself, just make sure that you are changing you for you. Not for anyone else. Especially at this point, you need to make changes to make sure that you are happy with yourself, with or without anyone else...

gg23 · Jun 19, 2008, 10:25 AM

Hey sorry to hear that you are going through this. It sucks and very frustrating trust me I know that all too well. I had exactly the same thing happen to me awhile back. She used to be the one fighting for me, then I gave in and started to cater her, then things just changed and almost a year and 9 months later, she needed space, she was too busy for me and tha rest is history! Do as she asks, give her space. Leave her alone. Although I ve to say that she has probably thought about it all along. Makes you wonder doesn't? As tal always suggest, try to regroup and rebuild your life away from her... go out with friends and have fun, stay busy etc... id you push her, she will pull away!! Just leave her alone and maybe in time things will work out!! good luck and I wish you the best

talaniman · Jun 20, 2008, 07:15 AM

When your partner asks for a break, you give it to them, and go about your own business. If you don't have any, now is the time to get some.

Its all about being able to cope with YOUR own feelings in a positive way, and keeping yourself respect, and dignity.

Love yourself, even if she doesn't.

flipperex · Jun 22, 2008, 10:46 AM

OK, all you smart guys. Now I have one for you. From the time I wrote this, on the 19th of June, the following day that my girlfriend asked for a brake, she came to see me once, I slept over twice, and she's sending me text messages, and calling me, and we chat... when I did sleep over, once we made love, the other time we just cuddled... on both occasions, we did kiss. Those kisses felt like they had feelings. Like they had meaning. I know my girlfriend, I know the way she kisses. It's not something I imagined. They did have feelings behind them. But the thing is, that she's sending me mixed messages. One minute she loves me, I feel it, the next she doesn't give a sh, for me. One min, I'm her one and only the other, we're just friends. You experts tell me. What is going on?

talaniman · Jun 22, 2008, 11:35 AM

She is enjoying the benefit of having you there for her own needs , but free to do as she wishes, with whom she wishes, and not be cheating. I guarantee if something of interest comes her way, she will be less and less available to you and eventually not at all, and you will be PO'd at her for doing that to you. Essentially your are letting her control this whole thing, and are more than willing to accept what she gives, no matter how little it is, because you still have false hope, that she will go back to being your g/f.

Take back your dignity, and self respect, by giving her what she wants, her freedom, and disappearing from her life. That's how you stop getting those mixed signals.

happy_jester · Jun 22, 2008, 12:32 PM

This girl needs space from you,"flipperex"

The best thing you can do,is,give her a break,as sadly this relationship is over.
You need to realise,and accept,this.

confused1145 · Jun 22, 2008, 02:30 PM

Give her some space and time to figure out what she wants.

CarolinaP81 · Jun 23, 2008, 10:56 PM

Hey... I did the same thing to my boyfriend after 2 years together. I realized things were very very serious but there were some things that I felt he took me for granted- I would talk to him about the 2 things with him all the time and all he would say was I am sorry I love you I will try --- But he never tried. I decided to call a break. The break lasted about a month of hardly any to no contact. I was distraught/hurt/disappointed/deeply sad that the man I loved wasn't willing to even TRY to work on things. After a month and a week of space he worked on himself and I worked on my feeling- I missed him so much that I couldn't bare to be without him. He then initiated contact, I was hesitant that things would go back to how they were and I would just get hurt again. I had all of his pictures still up in my room. I wanted to be in his arms and hear his voice so badly that I ended up asking him out when we got together again for the 3rd time. If she is asking for space--- give it to her hopefully she will miss you and want you back no matter what. If not she will completely ignore you. Its better said then done. As you know my boyfriend this time around asked for some space to think about our relationship and where its heading :-( I guess we have to be strong and realize if we don't end up being with the person we love then it wasn't meant to be.