Never in my life have I resorted to one of these things but here it goes. When I was in my freshmen year of high school, I met a girl that words cannot to describe. Back then I didnt't have the slightest idea as to how big of an impact this girl would end up having on my life. I talked to this girl for quite a long time before I was finally made lucky enough to call her mine. We dated for three years, and I knew that she was the one. I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl. She was perfect in my eyes in every way shape or form. Toward the end of my senior year I made the decision to start drinking. Looking back on that decision, I would never in a million years repeat what I did.

This girl is a basketball star and is at the top of her class, she has everything going for her. She is completely against drinking. Well I came out and told her one night that I drank. From then on, nothing was ever the same. She ended up breaking up with me half way through the summer before my freshmen year of college. I was devastated, never in my life had I been so low, I hated myself for losing her. I told myself to move on. I have always told myself that if you love someone enough, sometimes you have to let them go. So I did. I went through my first semester of college and had a great time. It was college! I was on my own and of course there were parties to go to all the time. I met another girl during this semester and we talked for a while and we ended up dating. She was great, don't get me wrong, but it just wasn't the same feeling I had with the first girl. We ended up breaking up after about three months and I moved on.

I started my second semester and it has been going great, and that brings us to where I am now. Throughout that whole time, I couldn't get this amazing girl that I had dated for 3 years and fallen completely in love with out of my head. Finally it has come to this, the point of where I cannot keep going without her. I texted her today and we talked and I told her where I stood. I told her that throughout all that has gone on; I could never get her off my mind. I told her that I didn't expect her to just jump right in and start dating, but that I just wanted the chance to prove that I can make her happy. I just need the chance to show her that we are meant to be together. I am so confused inside because the feeling I have is indescribable. I have always hated cheesy lines like follow your heart, but I honestly don't know how else to explain the feeling I have other than, I need to follow my heart. There is no way god isn't trying to tell me something by making me feel this way, by not letting me let go of this girl, by constantly placing things in my life that remind me of this girl.

Well tonight she agreed to just let me see her in person. We went to the gym because that is what we always used to do and it was most comfortable. As soon as she walked in, I knew that my feelings for her were not just in my head. Everything about her was perfect in my eyes tonight, the way she tries to hide her smile when she is embarrassed, the way her eyes shine and look straight through me, the way she her smile makes me melt and be at a loss for words even though I have never told anyone half the stuff I have told her. I am more comfortable around this girl than anyone else in the world.

So we ended up talking for about 2 hours just about what has been going on in our lives and I hadn't been that happy in a long time. When it came time to go we finally talked about how I felt. I told her everything, poured my heart out and told her that I am going to change. I told her that I'm done drinking and that I am going to do whatever it takes to get her back. She said she isn't ready to be in a relationship and that she has been really happy lately and doesn't know if she wants anything to change. I was crushed, I wanted to run out of the gym and get away, but I knew I needed to keep trying because this girl is everything to me. She is literally the first thing I think of everyday, and the last thing every night and I'm sitting here tonight crying and writing this stupid frickin novel about how I can't live without this girl and all I can think about is how I may never get the second chance that I would do absolutely anything in the whole entire world to have.

I know it sounds stupid but I would literally give all the money in the world up if it meant I would have this girl as my own again. I know I'm young and have a lot of life ahead of me but I just can't imagine god making me feel the way I do if it didn't mean I was meant to be with this girl. Every part of me is saying don't give up, but it is so hard, I just can't convince her that I will make her happy like I used to, that I will do whatever she asks of me, that I will do things on her terms and take it however slow she wants. I know whoever is reading this probably is thinking that I just need to move on and let her be, but I just can't do it. Words cannot describe the feelings I have for this girl. She is everything I ever want and then some.

I have never cried as much as I have tonight and I hate that I'm as low as I am because it's embarrassing that I have resorted to writing my feelings online. I don't want you to think I'm some kid that thinks he knows what love is and just likes to post things online because I literally have never done this and I don't ever plan on doing it again. I have never been one to tell others my problems, I always keep to myself and try to take care of my own problems, but I had to get all this off my chest and I guess maybe someone will have some sort of an idea as to what I should do.

-Hayden Palmer

You do what we all do, what we all have done at some times in our lives - you did your best and that is all you can do. Chances are she would have broken up anyway, because that's what usually happens after high school. You can't 'make' anyone have feelings for you. There is no such thing as 'meant to be.'
Be very careful as you proceed through life, because your words here today are just a wee bit over the border between understanding that two people each make their own choices vs. thinking that because you love her that she HAS to love you back. And that you have some ear to God decreeing that because you are in love that is the way it will be. Following your heart STOPS when she says no, she doesn't feel the way you do.

You also don't get very many second chances in relationships, you will find. This site is chock full of people wanting second chances. Relationships aren't parents grounding you for a week, school make up exams, notes from your parent or doctor, jobs where you were late and get 3 times to be late. If your partner doesn't like what you did, odds are that their whole view of you will change.

Yes you were following your heart all right, and tried your best, but if she doesn't feel the same and doesn't want what you want, then do as your head says now and move forward, not back. Expect a lot of time to go by before this notion of her stops ringing in your head, but you will always remember that first love.

In time though with family, friends, and many activities, you will feel much better and be ready for the next adventure. Old feelings and memories will take a back seat to the reality of the new world that you explore and experiment in.

You are hardly the first to be dumped by your high school sweetheart, nor will you be the last. We have all been there and done that and it's a rough time in our lives. But it always gets better if you let it.