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Ivets · Dec 20, 2008, 06:44 PM

Hi

So for years I have always wanted to have friends, but never have. I think it is lack of confidence mixed with some shyness. When I was in junior high and high school I told classmates that I had friends outside of school. When I was in college I acted like I had friends to people in my classes and lectures. To my co-workers, I seem like a fun and outgoing person who has a lot of friends... I DON'T. I'm not ugly or annoying either. I'm actually quite attractive keep myself looking lovely for my boyfriend (who is really my only true friend) by tanning and exercising. I've never had problems dating, or meeting men in general... it's finding AND keeping friends ughhhhh!! I think that my boyfriend pretty annoyed with it deep down because he has plenty of friends. He's also mentioned he's surprised I don't. It's time for me to take the initiative and take myself out of this situation. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Aloysius · Dec 20, 2008, 06:56 PM

You probably have more potential friends than you'd think.

You need to start making plans with people. If you're on good terms with your co-workers, you can try and make plans with them to do something fun. If working is your life, chances are this is your best bet. I wouldn't recommend meeting people at clubs and bars unless you know what you're looking for. Don't hesitate to try and become friends with your boyfriend's friends either.

There's tons of places you can meet people, in every-day activities. You've got everything it takes, all you need to do is make plans with people and be friendly to them. It's all good.

nitelight198073 · Dec 20, 2008, 06:59 PM

Ill be your friend... just try to find people with the same intrests... you act like you have a good head on your shoulders... you should make lots of friends just have faith in yourself and relax and don't think about it just try to talk to everyone you meet even if it is only hi how are you and you may start a friendship from that it has worked for me

TrueFaith · Dec 20, 2008, 07:07 PM

You might just give people the cold shoulder even without knowing it.

It can happen. Maybe you just really don't need friends. It sounds like it to me. As you went threw most of your life without.
And you are more liking the idea of having them, than really having them.

Try and make friends with people at the gym? I know when I workout I don't like talking much maybe you are the same.. but try and strike up something when you are on the cardio.

All the best

jjwoodhull · Dec 20, 2008, 07:15 PM

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Ask one of your coworkers to join you for lunch. Just make casual conversation. Join a book club or a running club.

You said that with each group you pretend you have friends somewhere else. Honesty is a big part of friendship. Start telling the truth and let people see you for who you really are.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2008, 11:26 AM

You make friends through common shared experiences and activities, so that's where I start, identifying what activities I enjoy, and going from there.

Be it classes, volunteering, bowling, golfing, fishing, reading, any club or organization will bring you in touch with people, and the potential to be friends. A life besides your boyfriends, is what you want.