Pregnant and dumped

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Im so so sorry but please could you take time out to read this, thank you. I really need some advice from people that I do not know...

I have been with my boyfriend (ex) for 8 years, things were good, we got on well and I thought this was the man I would be with forever (im 27 and he is 30). Anyway 5 years ago we started trying for a family and unfortuently I had 2 miscarriages that left us both broken hearted, so after the second one we decided to leave it for the time being and just enjoy our lives and have some fun for a few years (holidays, nights out etc).

Things were going fine up until Feb 2006 and we started arguing a bit mainly over me going on that we should prehaps start growing up a little and wanting to start settling down. We had w really rocky couple of months and then my partner left me in May 2006, I was devastated. Anyway I tried to pick up the pieces and had a little bit of a breakdown as I found out in June 2006 that my partner had met someone else and they were getting married, yep in just a month or so they were getting married, I don't know how I got through the next couple of weeks and then came the biggest blow, she got pregnant. I was just in pieces, Ihonestly can not remember how I got through that time.

Anyway in the August my ex started contacting me saying how he had made the biggest mistake of his life and how he wanted me back and he didn't want to get married he even went as far to say he did not think the unborn child was his, anyway I started falling for all this and he broke of with the girl and I took him back, but I said he must stand by his unborn child if it is his. I took a lot of grief from the other girl calling me a family wrecker, I also found out she was deperate for another child, and I thought my ex maybe was just in the wrong place and the wrong time (stupidly blind of me). Anyway we got back together and things were fine, the baby was born this year and I told him to go and see it, but the girl would not let him see the child unless he finished with me, so in April 2007 he finished with me again saying he needs to see his child so he can't see me no more, again he left me broken hearted.

The girl caused me grief again saying things like I'm not a real women as I can't even carry my children (my ex told her about the misscarriages), it really upset me. A week later my ex wants to come back and yes I take him back. The girl stops him seeing his child but constantly on his case about getting back with him, we kind of got through it and my ex wanted to try and start a family with me, and in June of this year I found out I was pregnant, we were over the moon but so scared too.

Anyway my ex started going out all the time and not getting in until early hours (I know girls were not involved, just drinking and his mates), I asked him to stay in with me and help me through this pregnancy, this pee'd him off and he used to cause rows all the time, I tried so hard not to get stressed out for the babies sake. The other girl was giving us hassle too, but then she started going out with another fella, all of a sudden my ex took offence to this saying that the other man better not try and be a father to his son (how can he have the cheek to say this).

Anyway in July my ex left me and said we just should not be together, its been a blur since then. The one thing we wanted was a child and now we had the chance, he never asked about my scans or anything, thankfully I'm 14 weeks pregnant and never got this far before, but I have now since found out that he is allowed to see his son because he is not with me anymore and he is basically at the other girls beck and call. They are not together (I don't think). I had not heard anything from my ex until a week ago when asked me if I had been saying stuff about him as the other girl would not let him see his child again as I had been saying stuff and I swore on my unborn child's life I had not said a thing (which is the truth), anyway he ended coming round my house and he tried it on with me but I said no, he made an excuse and left and I have not heard from him since, so obviosly he tried to use me.

Why is he playing these games with me and why am I being giving grief from the other girl, I'm trying to leave them alone but I still get accused of saying things. I really do love my ex, God only knows why, but he is treating me so mean, he never asks how I'm doing , he never calls or anything, instaed he is out having fun with his friends, he don't ever answering my texts and he is playing the doting Dad to his son that he didn't even care about. Please please don't think I thnk that is a bad thing because I don't, it just hurts that I was going to stand by him and help him and get to know his son, but its all been chucked in my face. I just need some outside advice. Im sorry if this is too long.

I would be grateful for any advice please

First let me say... you boyfriend (ex) seems to have an identity problem. He is not sure what he wants, or who he is. Too bad he will not figure all of this until his kids are grown with their own kids. You are chock full of emotions and babies feel this, sometimes you have to to "Let it go".

Sometimes there are no answers, some ideas I have are that 1) He was bored dating you, and stood by you through a few very hard times, but after those times were over, or during the hard times felt alone, or more like the supporter, and that no one supported him... so he left. Once gone he found OOOPS, the grass is not greener on the other side, and if he had a choice of baby mama's it would have been you.

2) He had a lapse of judgement, went back to you, the baby mama he cheated on you with manipulates his feeling to be a father with his feeling of not wanting to be with her. She is WRONG, you watch, she will find him always leaving her, because when someone is not happy you just cannot make them stay.

3)Which brings me to you again, you cannot force him to be with you, you really do not to focus on your child, and put your feeling to the side and focus on what kind of father he plans on being for your child. You need to stop the fighting between all parties, and right now not talking to any of them and focusing on your health, the babies health, and becoming the mother you want to be is all you need to do, the other items will fall into place you will see.

I tell what is going to happen next, you ar egoing to have that baby and he is going to want to come around, the other baby mama is going to be pissed, and he is going to see that you are the REAL WOMEN HE SHOULD HAVE ONLY HAD KIDS WITH AND WANT TO GET BACK WITH YOU AND YOU THEN ARE GOING TO SAY NO WAY BUDDY AND THEN HE WILL TAKE THAT TO MEAN YOU DO NOT WANT HIM TO SEE HIS CHILD AND WILL BE GONE AGAIN WITH ANOTHER WOMEN... WHY?? BECAUSE HE IS A TRUE LOSER!

Hi there... I hope that you & your unborn baby are OK... Please take it easy on yourself... Honestly your Ex-bf does not deserve your love or even the child you do carry... YES... he is very selfish and mean... he does not know what he wants.. not only that he does not even love you... you want a proof?

A) You did not ask yourself how could he do that to you after long years??
B) Why he was hesitated to marry you while you were with him for 8 years and was ready to marry her in few months??
C) He keep on dumping you and claiming that it's for the sake of the kid
D) When you are now in need for him, he is not there.
E) He made you pay for his mistakes twice the first time when he had her in his life and called it the biggest mistake of his life... and made you pay for it while you have nothing to do with it. Tell me He could find a way to see his kid without dumping you if he really cares for you? The second time when he made you pregnant while he is not ready to settle.

He does not even love either her or her baby... you want a proof...
A) He called her the biggest mistake.
B) He keep on dumping her from time to time..
C) I am sure that he does not take care of her and even her baby
D) if he loves his baby and he is matured person he would settle with his mother for his sake. Or at least take continuous care of him as father not on & off thing

After all the above do you think that he deserve your forgiveness, taking him back several times & LOVE?? SURE HE DOES NOT... Please go over him and start a new life without him if not for yourself for your baby because I do not think you want your baby to grow up and have on & off father... Am I right?? Btw ask yourself if you want to be a single mother and if you want to be responsible alone for the baby you do carry... if not I think you still have a chance to correct that... since you should not suffer because of his second mistake making you pregnant and leave you... although you can not blame him alone.. you have done this to yourself by accepting him back several times and getting pregnant before getting married with him. Anyway, what happened had happened and we can not change it.. it's past... but we can do something about present and future so do not waste more of your time, life, emotions, health on such B******.

Take care of yourself.

Ms. Redrose

I really appreciate your replies, thank you

I know what your saying is true. Its just really hard to let go. Why do we seem to latch on to things or people when we know they don't care. I need to try and get strong, its just sooooo hard. It is my only boyfriend I have had and it scares me that bid wide world out there.

I know maybe one day I will get there, just wish it would hurry

x x x

You do have a problem you need to address. SELF ESTEEM. Look at yourelf and tell yourself "I DO NOT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT" "I CAN DO BETTER". I f you believe it you will achieve it.

Love you and you will make a enough room to love the new person you are bringing into this world. Do you want your daughter or son to have low self esteem? If not, you need to work on this critical area within yourself before you project it to your child.

HI Dear... You are not alone... I have gone through it earlier and I know exactly how do you feel... refer to my post " I still love my Ex after 8 years of break up and you will know what I have suffered with him... it's almost the same except for the pregnancy issue... Be strong... I know it's very hard... but you deserve better life... Please do not waste more of your life...

Have a nice day..

Ms. redrose