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And probably won't find anyone like her or as good as her. I won't even bother going into the details of why my 5 year relationship ended because they are irrelevant at this point. There is a 99.999% chance that reconciliation will never happen. I have been pretty much cut out of her life too. Some of my actions (none of which were cheating) are what led to the end of the relationship and now I feel nothing but guilt and remorse.

I wake up empty and sad every morning. She is in my head every minute of the day and I can't focus on work or anything else. I've become a robot. On the weekends I go out with friends and numb the pain and it takes my mind off her temporarily, then during the week I'm just a numb robot who goes through the motions waiting until he go out with his friends again and get hammered.

I feel like I let my soul mate get away. I'm terrified that I will never find someone who I will feel that way about, someone who I feel so comfortable around, who is my best friend in the world. Someone who loves me with all their heart and wants the best for me. Someone who I get that warm feeling of love every time I see them. Someone who I can be myself around and tell anything to. I just don't see how she can be replaced.

I feel like I can't even continue living knowing that she is probably gone for good and won't be coming back. I ruined the best thing my life and now I live with that guilt every single day. I cry like a baby at least once a day. It's already been over a month since the breakup and the pain just keeps intensifying, not subsiding. What am I supposed to do? I feel like the world is caving in on me. I'm so lost, I'm so sad, I am mentally drained, and I have no hope for the future. Someone telling me its going to get better isn't really going to help. I just don't know if anyone feels the way I do, like this was the best thing you were ever going to have and you screwed it up. You only get it once and you lost it so you will never find it again. That's how I feel. How do I carry on with this pain?

You need to find more things to do except go out and get hammered when your mates are available.

You'll get over a breakup by staying active and doing things that make you feel better.

Remorse and guilt make lousy companions.
Be around people who lift your spirits, and I don't mean the kind that comes out of a bottle.

And you may not believe me but eventually you will meet someone else,when you're ready.

We've ALL felt this way before. It may not seem like it now, but while you are feeling sad and upset about losing her, you are more afraid of facing the world without her. You have grown so accustomed to having her beside you, it's all you know now. Everyone fears uncertainty when you are first faced with it, but it gives you a great chance to build with it. Pick today to be your fresh start, I'm not going to tell you things will get better quickly or that tomorrow you will wake up feelings better but in time, the pain subsides and then one morning you wake up and the emptiness is gone. Here is a great quote I used after my break up

"I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are... and that pain you feel, it's life. The confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better... and that something is worth fighting for."

This phase is where your heart is broken, your soul is worn out.

The way to carry on this pain is to bring this pain along for you, and it will be less and less over time. It is hard to picture yourself being a free and happy bird by the moment, but trust me, the answers are all in the experiences that the people on this sight, including me have been through.

We had our hearts broken, over and over again, and here we are to let you know that we share what u feel.

She will never be replaced because everyone is a unique individual. In the future is where the memories of a better person will be waiting for you.

Take a little step each time, and move on as it goes.

It's hard because I really don't know what life is without her. The last 5 years she pretty much was my life. I feel like half of me has died.

Then you have to start building a new life.
We've all here had to do this at some stage in our lives,
So we know it can,no has to be done.
Start today by doing something completely new.

I don't understand. Why is the relationship unrepairable? What were the problems in the first place? Why don't you talk more about the background. What you are feeling is very typical, I am on the same timeline, just out of a five year relationship about a month, maybe less ago, I am where you are, so please do not feel alone.

It's a loss greater than any other emotion, but everyone has been where you are. It's overwhelming. You may benefit from just still talking about it.

Its unrepairable because she no longer trusts me. Many times I struggled to be honest with her and tell her how I felt about things. I kept things inside. I bottled things up. We started fighting a lot. She kept giving me chance after chance and I would blow it. I think she's through given me chances. Other times when we fought she said she didn't want to see or talk to me anymore... she'd be calling a week later. This time she told me to get out of her life and now its been one month and no contact.

Well no contact is the healthiest thing she can do for her.

If you are emotionally unavailable, you are damaging the relationship yourself and it's not something that you can easily change about yourself. It sounds as though, she gave you all the patience that she had.

Until you learn to feel and handle emotions, you can not grow as a person. This break may be the best thing for the both of you, you can learn about yourself and grow through the grieving process (BY NOT DRINKING AND AVOIDING) and learn how to better function in your next relationship and you allow her to find someone who is emotionally available to her.

Start with the stickies at the top of the forum... we have all been through this and it's a horrible experience. Yet, by experiencing this process, we learn about ourselves, learn to love ourselves again and grow as people.

Right now this is all just words. You are having a difficult moment, but you will have better ones. Your feelings are all across the board right now.

L feel your pain as lm in the same place. Lts been 7 weeks for me and each day becomes harder. L wake during the night missing him. L keep busy but nothing helps. You aren't alone. L don't think l can bear this pain a day longer!

Hi Apple Scruff,
I lost my soul mate, too, because my capacity for dealing with the hurt he caused me ran out, and I had to leave. It's excruciating. I still love him with my entire being, and I love him unconditionally, but he can't stop making insensitive mistakes and hurting me. I keep thinking that maybe with enough time apart, we can come together again someday and things will be different, he'll have learned to appreciate me for the unconditional love I showed him, the happiness I worked at building with him, the light I tried to shine in his life, the unbreakable loyalty I gave him, and more. I don't hold any of his mistakes against him - I love him. But I can't be with him anymore because I have to look after myself. Any contact with him leads to more hurt for me, because inevitably he does something insensitive and I end up feeling like I've been treated like garbage.
I wish for him the same things I wish for you: to crack wide open, and it seems like you are now, and to allow the process of cracking wide open, so that you can expand your heart and have more to offer - more self-awareness, more love, more care, more truth, more courage, more self-love.
Sometimes, you need to grow on your own, and the only way to grow is to crack. Everything you're saying, all of the remorse and regret are good things for you to feel right now, because they will help you grow. They aren't wrong or bad. You can't just move on without going through the pain, and even the idea of 'moving on' is a false one when you're doing the important work that is in front of you right now. You have to move through, not move on, not bypass or forget. You are worth being loved, unconditionally, even if you have made a million mistakes. And, I bet that you are. It's just that you have to sit in your pain right now, assess who you are and where you went wrong, and be prepared to carry that awareness with you into each day that comes. The love you feel will not leave you, because it is in you and it is you. Honour it, even in the face of your loss. Cry about it. Drink when you need to drink to relieve the heaviness sometimes, but don't let it become a habitual escape. Temporary escape is OK sometimes. There are lots of other kinds of escape, too, like renting an entire TV series and watching them obsessively for a while, spoiling yourself with whatever expensive foods you might like that will make your life easier, like big frozen pizzas and bacon-wrapped scallops (or whatever is a treat to you), go on dates with friends - just little dates like coffee dates and lunch dates, and keep writing about it and reaching out.
You can't go wrong here, now. You're going to do just fine. If you stumble and make more mistakes, just get up and dust yourself off.

Your heart hurts because you're growing and stretching and becoming more of yourself. It's only going to mean good things. Trust your process. You don't have to let her go forever - none of us knows what two years down the road might look like - but focus on you instead right now. You owe this to yourself and to anyone else you might want to love properly.

Dude, don't worry! There is no soul mates! There is plenty of fish in the sea and you will find a much better catch. You guys broke up for a reason. No girls are going to want to date you if you don't get out of your robot phase and you will be single forever or you will attract a gal that is even more depressed than u. Remember its your life! And it can only get better if you make it better. You can't order a better life off some kind of life menu. If you could, I am sure they would be sold out by now anyway.

I know how you feel man. That horrible tense pain in the pit of your stomach. All the muscles are tight and won't relax. It messes with your life, your eating, everything.

I went to see the nurse about it. Apparently post break up stress/anxiety is normal but when it starts to manifest itself physically then you really need to sort it out.

Its been getting better. Putting weight back on now. Trust me, I know these are only words, but it does get better.

Each day gets brighter, each bird sings louder, the grass really will get greener. All you can do is trust me on this one.

Best of luck

Its been a month since I posted my original question... and let me tell you... while I still have my bad days, it has gotten much much better. I haven't reached it yet, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel, its far away, but I will get there in due time. Thanks for all the support.

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I've been out of the dating game for 5 years now. I went through a painful breakup a few months ago. We were together almost 5 years. I thought my life was over and I'd never feel happy again. Recently this girl started working at my gym as a personal trainer, and she also works at the front desk. I was immediately interested in her. Every time I saw her, it made me happy and gave me hope that eventually I'd get over the hurt of my failed relationship. I see this woman 4 days a week. I feel like I'm in love with her. I know that sound ridiculous, I guess at this point, it is just infatuation, but I feel like if I got to know this person better, I could fall in love with her. I never thought I'd feel this way this soon after a serious breakup but I can't help it. I can't control what my heart feels.

I'd like to think she has noticed me too. I think she has glanced at me numerous times, but of course, I can't be 100% sure. One time I walked by her and I did something I never usually do with girls, I looked at her and made eye contact and put a huge smile on my face, she reciprocated with a nice smile of her own. But again, that might not mean anything. To begin with, I'm horrible at picking up on signs that a girl is interested so there is really know way I can tell if she is interested.

I don't go to the gym to pick up girls, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about this one. I always thought the gym was a strange place to pick up girls, so that is why I am struggling with how I can get this girl's attention and eventually ask her if she'd like to go out for a drink or for dinner. I haven't really dated in 5 years so I am a little rusty when it comes to this stuff. Also, I am terrified of rejection, especially in this case, since I see her 4 days out of the week, it has potential to be awkward. But I know I will forever regret it if I don't at least take a risk and approach her and ask her out. I just wish I knew if she had a BF or if she was interested in me, it would make thing a lot easier.

Any advice anyone could give me on how to proceed?

Good to know you are feeling so much better!
Keep us updated.
Take care.

Glad to read that things are smoothing out for you. Sounds like you're going to be just fine. Good luck!

Make sure she is not the rebound, or you could put her through a devastating break up too. I suggest giving yourself more time. Remember that love is respect, commitment, etc. It is not feelings, it is a choice you make. If you feel like you love this girl based on romantic feelings for her, you do not truly love her. Love is willingness to die for someone. That may sound intense, but it is true.

You say that you can't control what your heart feels, but you must remember that our feelings are very deceptive. Acting on feelings, and not on common sense, could leave you in ruins. I advise you to make sure she is not a rebound. If you have ANY doubts, do not pursue a relationship with her. Keep things at friendship level.
If you do decide to ask her out, all you have to do is that... Ask her if she wants to go out. It doesn't take a formula written on a chalkboard. It's as simple as saying a sentence.

It might be crazy but I don't see her as a rebound. I look at this girl and I think I could marry her, seriously. Who says its wrong to feel things like this shortly after a break up? I can't help it, but deep down, I know that I don't view this as a rebound. If she gave me a shot, I would never hurt her.

You might want to start talking to a professional, Priest, rabbi name your poison. Learn to grow. The pain will lessen, time heals all wounds, cliché I know but it is the best I can come up with now.