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    sazzapow's Avatar
    sazzapow Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Oct 4, 2013, 02:13 PM
    How do I bring out who I want to be, its affecting my life!
    I understand this is going to be slightly long winded but can I please ask that you read this as it is my last only hope for some advice and tips!

    I am 26 year old female and have been in one long term relationship for approximately 5 years. We have now been separated for 18 months or so. It didn't end on bad terms at all but I let the inner demon get the better of me. This is the nly person I have slept with. Sex was always OK but I never felt like I gave him what he wanted.

    To set the scene I am a very self conscious type of girl with absolutely no self confidence or self esteem and I feel this may be partly to blame for the roots of my problems. I went through puberty very early and had rather large breasts around the age of 11/12. I have never been overweight at all and I am a UK 12. I have to watch what I eat as my weight can fluctuate. However I have been doomed with stretch marks from a very early age. I have a lot on my inner and outer thighs and hips and breasts. I have had them as long as I remember so they have faded to a silverish/white however in certain lights they have really pitted my skin and they really get me down. I totally believe this is the reason why I have never had one night stands, more boyfriends, been more willing to take my clothes off etc.

    Another issue I feel I have is that I am rubbish at sex. Sex is on my mind very frequently. I turn innocent things into dirty sexually related things. I want to be a dirty and naughty girl, I love talking about sex and things people get up to, I love the 50 shades novels and Ann Summers and I get horny very often. However my inner self and confidence stops me again from engaging in any of this behaviour. I feel I am too old to be learning the ropes yet I also feel very innocent as if a barrier is blocking my inner self so the real me can't escape.

    Sex with my ex was always very different... however this is all I have ever known, There wasn't very much foreplay. It was all about making me oragasm ASAP so he could get in me and get his fix. As time went on it appeared all he ever fantasised about was me being a porn star and every time I just had to dress as one, act like one, role play like one, get filmed... and this would be the same day in day out.

    Jumping onto my current issue. There is a guy in work who I have always had a soft spot for. Even whilst I was with my ex I liked him. He always gave me attention, however I always believed I was out of his league by a million miles. Over the past few months we have been speaking more and more and he started putting kisses on my emails and ringing the work phone for a "chat". On a work night out I got very drunk and tried to come onto him. Obviously we didn't want everyone talking and gossiping so we had a very quick kiss outside and then I just spent the night trying to grope him in private. After that night I felt ashamed and embarrassed as I was always "the quiet girl". We didn't speak for a week or so and then I finally plucked you courage to apologise. We got chatting and on another night out (less drunk) we exchanged numbers. We have been texting loads, day and night. He lives away and works away a fair bit However I think its important for me to state that he is one of the managers hence why things have been kept quite secretive. On days he is in he always makes several appearances in my office and sometimes if he's alone at night I go in for a chat before heading off home. We are getting on really well.

    Going back to my insecurities though... he is a flirt and does have a rater unprofessional relationship with his direct colleagues. He does text, snapchat them and in their office they are quite a crude bunch always discussing sex etc etc.They are also 3 absolutely stunning girls so I always have to ask myself why is he interested in me. On nights out I have quizzed him about his staff and he does say he loves them and has a laugh with them but that's as far as it goes. He says he is a manager and would't cross boundaries with his direct staff. He said he's had plenty of opportunities and one of them inparticular is very keen on him. However even when he is in with them he does find the time to come up and see me and text me etc.

    I understand how big a turn off it is for men when a woman is so insecure, hhowever I cannot help it. One of his girls is pregnant and I walked in the other day to them discussing how she hasn't got any stretch marks and they freak her out etc... he wasn't participating in the conversation but that freaked me out! Also he gives me so many compliments like you have perfect skin and a perfect bum etc but that's all with clothes on... little does he know!! I'm just scared I would repulse him.

    Basically my point is that I want help with regards to all this... Everytime he walks in my office I get goosebumps from head to toes my tummy tightens and I can only describe it as my gential area like pumping with exciting... the feeling you get before you orgasm. He texts me as says I am so desperate to do naughty things to you and I feel the same way. He is permanently on my mind I constantly run through things in my head and I am on the verge of orgasming thinking about it. However I am SCARED...

    1. I say I get horny but I feel I don't really know what it means
    2. My ex always said you must have fantasies, but I am not sure I do. I want to rip this guys clothes off and pounce on him and I like the thought of doing it in work where's there's risk (but is this really a fantasy?)
    3. I want to be able to send dirty texts it would really turn me on but I don't know what to say and how to phrase them
    4. I want to have confidence and be the dirty that is definitely inside me but just feel totally inexperienced.
    5. I desperately want to have sex with him but going off the one person I have slept with I feel inexperienced about the order of things and how you go about it. Foreplay then into penetration but what I have experienced was so routine I just feel like I have totally missed out on one night stand experiences.

    I really want to be sexy and dirty, its not out of my comfort zone its my inner self and I can't remove the barrier I am just inexperienced. I have trawled the net for ideas on dirty texts and things to say during sex, whether men like moaning etc and it doesn't really help. All it says is if your not comfortable don't do it. I can't emphasise enough that I am comfortable but I just lack experience.

    I am desperate for anyone's thoughts and opinions on this matter. I am so excited for the idea of fun with this guy and I especially like the fact its all a little secret. However I feel I am going to loose him soon as I fob him off with excuses due to my lack of knowledge.

    ANything will be of great help, Dirty text examples, how to overcome my inexperience, anxieties, problems. The stages of a one night stand... I know I keep saying this but basically I mean like first time sex with someone, as I keep saying mine was so routine and regimented... it was like now do this, now get in this position, now say this, now pose I just feel I am totally unclued up on usual procedures.

    Please help it is so frustrating!!
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,305, Reputation: 7692

    Oct 4, 2013, 04:47 PM
    No one here on this site can give you examples of "dirty test" it would not be allowed by site rules. Get some magazines like Penthouse letters, that talks about sex.

    Talking dirty is just telling the other person what you want them to do to you, in very good detail.

    But please note, not all mean like that. But a fantasy is just that, dreams about sexual experience, it can involve certain clothing, some dream of multiple partners, maybe a partner of certain nationality. Costumes for one or both. The list goes on and on.

    If you are not sure how "different" positions and types of sex work, watch some porn movies, that will cover about every possible say

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