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sgmann · Sep 15, 2010, 05:12 PM

I've been with my girl for five years and we've known each other since we were teenagers. We've been engaged for 7 month. She's always had a trust issue with me even though I've never cheated on her, that is until a year ago. I cheated on her with a woman that I devoloped small feelings for. One day I had a moment with this woman and one thing led to another. I felt so bad afterwards, I've never done nothing like this to my girl before. A year later she finds out about it, and now our relationship is pending. She says she's confused and don't know what to do and her emotions are all over the place. I feel so ashamed and so remorseful about everything and I don't know what to do to save us. The love is still there but she doesn't think she could trust me ever again and is afraid it might happen again, which I have no intention of ever doing this again, not only because of her, but because I feel bad about it myself and I'm really down on myself about it. What should I do??

DoulaLC · Sep 15, 2010, 05:30 PM

Talk, talk, talk... and talk some more, as much as she needs to.

It is so hard to rebuild trust, and open, honest, communication is what it takes. It doesn't have to be a constant discussion, but be careful not to sweep it under the rug hoping it will go away. No doubt you have been remorseful and acknowledged the pain you have caused. She may need to ask questions or have some reassurance now and then. Show her with your actions as well as your words that you are there for her and can be trustworthy once more.

You will also have to look at yourself and figure out why you allowed it to happen.

There are no guarantees that she will be able to get passed it. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

Sad reality... if nothing else, it is an important lesson learned.

I wish you well!

beachloverjohn · Sep 15, 2010, 06:02 PM

What I would do is go to a counseling session with her so that you can openly talk about this indiscretion without it turning into an argument. You made a mistake, learned from it, and it would be a tragedy if you can't work this out. If she really loves you, she will want to put this issue behind you, and have a great life together. But I think you need to be able to discuss this openly with a third party. Good luck, you sound very sincere, and I hope this works out for you. I think it will.

talaniman · Sep 15, 2010, 06:08 PM

Take your medicine, and hope for the best. Its always better to avoid a mistake than pay the consequences, but its to late for that now.

You cannot control what she does now, but you can forgive yourself from your mistake, and let her have the space to decide what she wants to do about it.

You may be to late to save this relationship, as she had a lot of hope and trust in you and it will be a long time before she forgives, and she will never forget.

The time to save this relationship was before you gave in to your lust. But I wish you luck because you will need as much as you can get.