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    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
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    #1

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:41 PM
    Can Women Propose?
    Hello,
    I need really good advice. We've been together for two years and haven't heard of any marriage plan yet. Im getting impatient because Im turning 32 this year and he, 35. I already want to have a baby. In short, I want to get married already and start our family. But, whenever I raise this topic, he kept on saying he's not yet financially stable. Should I believe him? Do you guys, believe that is the real reason? Im confused and bored and impatient. What shall I do?
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #2

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:44 PM
    Talk to him. If he clams up that it is hard to move forward. I know you have tried, but not getting any results. Have you tried a different approach?

    I do not think it is bad for the women to propose, then maybe you will find out exactly where you stand?

    Joe
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #3

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:46 PM
    ABSOLUTELY!!

    It's your job to get things started.

    YOU SHULD know about his finances though. Tell him to explain everything - IF HE Won't then you should not be getting married.

    This isn't mind reading. Find out what's going on.

    If it's an excuse then move on.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #4

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:47 PM
    MANY MANY MANY women have proposed!!
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #5

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:48 PM
    Women can propose. Why shouldn't we have some of that fun too? Lol

    I do not see any harm in the woman asking the man. Like Joe said, you would definitely know where you stand. He could not straddle the fence on that question.

    Best wishes to you!
    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
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    #6

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:49 PM
    Thanks so much. But when I tried to talk to him about that, he said he's the guy and he should initiate not me. Well, Filipino culture. Women don't do first moves on things :) Im not sure if until now :)
    So, you think he's just creating an alibi?
    Im confused if he's telling the truth about financial instability or he's not just sure if he wants to marry me :(
    curlybenswife's Avatar
    curlybenswife Posts: 2,477, Reputation: 267
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    #7

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:50 PM
    You know what I proposed to ben and 7 years on we are married and have a child and couldn't be happier... What's stopping you asking??
    I walked into his place of work with 6 red and 6 white roses and said will you marry me it was a leap yeah mind you I did it all properly and I have no regrets admittedly as with anything there's always that thing in the back of your head that says heck what if they say no...
    Good luck sweetheart I wish you luck xxxx
    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:54 PM
    Thanks, JesusHelper, Wildcat and Shygrneyzs!!
    And guess what, we've been celibate since October :( Im bored. I feel we lack intimacy. He's so afraid to impregnate me.
    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
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    #9

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:56 PM
    Hi CurlyBensWife!
    I would love to do the thing you did but, Im afraid of rejection. I am not so confident he would like it because he gave me a hunch that he isn't prepared. Hay.. .
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #10

    Feb 23, 2007, 03:59 PM
    Am glad to hear he is trying to be responsible. If you became pregnant, he might have to decide to be not just the Dad but also the Husband. I am not saying this in a mean way, but he would have to make the deicsion.

    How many couples really wait for all the finances to work out? No one would ever get married and have kids! Although I can understand some of what his concern is, he wants to make sure he can provide for you. Is he against you working outside the home?
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #11

    Feb 23, 2007, 04:01 PM
    That is the thing there are some people that always say they have to wait for the finances to be secure, but how many people actually ever have finances secured. You would be waiting forever, no child and no husband just because of money. That is not fair. Is it?

    Joe
    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
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    #12

    Feb 26, 2007, 05:16 PM
    Hello everyone!
    Guess what, Ive tried a different approach this time. I said, "You know what, I wanna have a baby soon. I think Im prepared. Let's make a baby when u come back." (He's leaving the country for 3 weeks). He said:"Hey, are you serious? Are you willing to be a mom now?" And I said, Yeah I am. Well, he just smiled :)
    Yes, Shygrneyzs. I am working and not planning to stop. I think if we both combine our income, it will be fine. Just that, his business is not so stable. He still wants to venture into a new one with a good income. Also, he wants to get a house first before we get married. My point is, his parents can lend us one of their houses why can't he take advantage of that like his siblings do?
    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
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    #13

    Feb 26, 2007, 05:18 PM
    Hi Joe!
    You're absolutely right. I think it's unfair that people don't get married because of money issues. I am a simple girl with simple dream. My own happy family. Two cute kids and a wonderful husband. A nice house would be a bonus :)
    princess095's Avatar
    princess095 Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #14

    Feb 26, 2007, 05:19 PM
    Women can totally propose!
    It's like the question: can women ask men out?
    The answer is YES YES YES!!
    Many women have already proposed to men throughout history... make history!! ;)
    Teaching's Avatar
    Teaching Posts: 198, Reputation: 28
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    #15

    Feb 26, 2007, 06:06 PM
    Have you ever read that book "why men love es", I would take a look, it may help.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #16

    Feb 26, 2007, 07:18 PM
    You've been with him for 2 years so you should have a pretty good idea of his financial situation, whether he truly is not in a position to take on the responsibility of a wife and chid(ren) or if he just uses that as a red herring to cover up the true reason for his hesitancy. If he is in fact not financially stable then I can certainly appreciate him not making a big move like marriage and family at this time. However, if you think that that's all a cover-up, then it probably is. The title of your thread was "Can women propose?" My answer to you is yes, but he already knows how you feel and that you're ready for marriage and family, so his failure to propose to you is a sign that you need to heed. Maybe it really is for financial reasons and maybe not. If it's not but he keeps insisting that it is then it's not likely that you'll ever find out the true reasons for his reluctance.
    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
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    #17

    Feb 27, 2007, 05:47 PM
    How Can I Make Him Marry Me?
    Hello there!
    This might sound pathetic to others but I just need some tips. Ive asked before if women can propose to men and I loved those answers. On the other hand, I realized what I need is a suggestion on HOW TO MAKE HIM MARRY ME. Because my "style" can't get him. Hope to hear from you, guys.

    Thanks! :)
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #18

    Feb 27, 2007, 05:56 PM
    No one can make anyone marry them. Not even a woman who becomes pregnant can "make" the man marry her. The man either marries her because he really does love her or marries out of a sense of responsibility.

    You might have to reconsider your relationship and bow out. I know that is a hard decision to make but once you consider the pros and cons of the relationship and what you want to accomplish within the relationship - it will be time to sink or swim, as the saying goes.

    I truly wish you all the best. Hope you achieve happiness and that piece of bliss that makes your world complete. Even if it is not with this guy (which I kind of think is not going to happen, but one can have hope). Take care.
    shrewd26f's Avatar
    shrewd26f Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #19

    Feb 27, 2007, 06:02 PM
    Thanks for the sensible advice :) It is indeed true that advise is one thing you already knew but you're just waiting for other people to say it. Thanks! :)
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 596
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    #20

    Feb 27, 2007, 06:09 PM
    Well yes, since you mention it, it does sound kind of pathetic. Even if you could make him marry you (which you can't), why would you want to be married to someone who had to be forced into it?

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