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jelly060387 · Aug 27, 2007, 12:44 PM

I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now. He's 30 and I'm 19. At first we got together because my ex kicked me out and He let me stay at his place for about a month. I got an apartment and he now lives with me. We got really close and became a couple. We had sex a few times a week and for some reason it just stopped after being together for about 2 months. He gave me an explanation yesterday as to why. He told me that he's afraid of an unplanned pregnancy and he has problems getting in the mood because that's all he can think of when I try to get intimate with him. He's also too embarrassed to go somewhere to get condoms. I don't understand this. When I met him I was fresh out of a relationship filled with passion and I'm having too much trouble getting used to the way he is. Now my ex wants to try at a relationship again and because of the problems in this relationship I'm leaning towards leaving him. I don't know what to do. And to top it all off the man I'm with now is on a zoloft substitute and that already lowers his sex drive. I feel unattractive and unwanted. What should I do?

flower2234 · Aug 27, 2007, 01:27 PM

Are you upset at the relationship problems or the lack of sex? There you should have your answer.

tamicka edwards · Aug 27, 2007, 01:31 PM

Have you went down on him a blew on the top of his you know what it makes men hard get the con. And get on birth con.

Schoolmarm97 · Mar 18, 2012, 06:54 AM

He's a great deal older than you are, and he has reason to be concerned that he may wind up with both a teenaged girl and a child to support before he's even committed to that arrangement. His fears are realistic, and you should have the same ones. You do not want an unplanned pregnancy to complicate an already complicated situation.

There's a second problem here. You are equating his fear and the resultant lack of sex with your own feelings of inadequacy. That he's being reasonable and responsible is a good thing and shouldn't make you feel any less attractive. I'm concerned that your need to have your attractiveness affirmed for you may lead to exactly what he's afraid of, and if you're pressuring him about it while the relationship is still in chaos, you're likely to drive him away entirely.

I recommend that you two sit down like adults and figure out where you're headed as a couple. Sex is lovely, but the current trend for sex without commitment (and living together without a plan beyond that) isn't a benefit to anyone. Make the commitment or get off the figurative pot and forget about sex for the time being.