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AlexPella · Feb 7, 2008, 02:00 PM

He was married and was cheating on his wife with my current girlfriend. He treated both of them like s*** and said he was leaving his wife to be with her. Never happened. My girlfriend was devastated, heartbroken and all that. He treated her really badly, always put her down.

Now, 2 years later and the guy is still calling, still emailing. I hate that s*** but I never tell her what to do or to get off the phone. I'm just like, "Oh, tell him I say hi."

He's like, "Oh, tell him you're talking to so and so..." She's tells him she's not going to do that and tells me usually right when it's happening.

It does bother me but I never say: DO THIS! Don't DO THIS!

Now, how can I get this creep to stop calling? Or should I just let it be?

He's asked her to do things and tries to play with her head but she's always said no. She told me there's nothing to worry about and she's not interested in him. But it still bothers me. I told her not to be naïve. I know he's a loser and I know his games but I never talk bad about him to her. I feel like I'd be giving in. Plus, it'd make me look desperate and weak.

Am I being stupid? What should I do?

Romefalls19 · Feb 7, 2008, 02:04 PM

You need to talk to your girlfriend and explain to her how it makes you feel. It seems like he is trying to make it seem like he is better than you with comments like that on the phone when you said tell him I said hi.. You have taken the high road long enough, let her know how you feel but don't outright say "don't talk to him anymore" explain his actions are making you feel uncomfortable and you have tried to be nice but he does not seem to care."

George_1950 · Feb 7, 2008, 02:04 PM

You believe he is calling her for no reason other than harassment? Why doesn't she prosecute him?

AlexPella · Feb 7, 2008, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by George_1950

You believe he is calling her for no reason other than harassment? Why doesn't she prosecute him?

I don't think its harassment. Hes always like, "Im glad youre happy," and asks how she's been doing, if they should get together when she comes into town... bla bla... always cordial and really nice.

He emailed her: "I dropped my phone in my cup of tea and it's all wet. I'm trying to dry it. Have you tried calling? I feel like talking to you tonight."

She replied: "No, I have not tried calling or anything of the sort."

But the guy still doesn't stop. It really pisses me off.

littlebear91 · Feb 7, 2008, 02:14 PM

Hm.. Try turning off your cellphone or changing your number for starter.

HistorianChick · Feb 7, 2008, 02:17 PM

Umm, Darlin, no. You're not being irrational or unreasonable. This guy should not be contacting your girlfriend. She needs to cut him out of her life, her email, and her phone. I agree with Rome - you've taken the high road long enough... but hon, I'd actually venture to say that you need to tell her that this guy is toxic and he shouldn't be calling her.

He's playing you... and he's playing her.

Hon, she's with you, she's not with him, trust her to take care of this. She needs to cut him out. I don't think its irrational for you to tell her that you think she should cut him out of her world. Don't nag her about it, just tell her, be honest and frank, and then let her take care of it.

With what measure you give trust, that you shall be given trust... (that was a HistorianChick Original... they're always fun! ;))

AlexPella · Feb 7, 2008, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

I don't think its irrational for you to tell her that you think she should cut him out of her world. Don't nag her about it, just tell her, be honest and frank, and then let her take care of it.

I feel like she'll do it behind my back or not tell me because she doesn't want to upset me if I tell her not to talk to him.
I want her to get it through her head that he's toxic. I mean, 2 years later and he's still trying to be in her life? Get a life!
He treated her like s***. Oh, and he cheated on her the day they broke up. Other times as well... but the day they broke up, she went over to his place and found another girl in the shower. I'm like but still she entertains him. I don't get it.

HistorianChick · Feb 7, 2008, 03:03 PM

Yup, he's toxic.

One thing that is vital to a relationship is trust. Without it its not a relationship, but rather two people co-existing in the same moment. And, that's sad. You're going to have to trust her until she gives you reason not to.

Give her the opportunity to earn your trust. She might surprise you. :)

AlexPella · Feb 7, 2008, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Give her the opportunity to earn your trust. She might surprise you. :)

You're right. I have to trust her...
Thanks HChick.

George_1950 · Feb 7, 2008, 05:25 PM

Our late, great president said: Trust, but verify.

AlexPella · Feb 7, 2008, 05:28 PM

Originally Posted by George_1950

Our late, great president said: Trust, but verify.

Great advice George... and late president. Thanks. So true and will do.

JBeaucaire · Feb 7, 2008, 05:59 PM

Do you know this guy? Can you contact him? How about his wife? Maybe she has some insight on how to get him to stop calling your girlfriend.

If you know his home number or can get it, call and leave a message on his machine... very polite, very cordial that someone from this telephone number has been calling and hitting on your girlfriend, you're just checking to see what the deal is...

Maybe he'll stop if exposure becomes a real consequence.

talaniman · Feb 8, 2008, 09:13 AM

The fact that she is not more proactive in getting him out of her life speaks volumes to her priorities. She obviously values his needs over yours. You shouldn't even be in the middle of this as its to unhealthy, so why are you still there??

AlexPella · Feb 8, 2008, 10:07 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The fact that she is not more proactive in getting him out of her life speaks volumes to her priorities. She obviously values his needs over yours. You shouldn't even be in the middle of this as its to unhealthy, so why are you still there???

I talked to her last night. I told her how I felt about it and why I thought it's not good for her. She agreed with me and says she won't talk to him. We'll see how it goes. I mean, she tells me she doesn't want anything to do with him but I do agree with you that she is not proactive in getting him out of her life. I'll mention it to her and see where it goes.