We first started talking almost two years ago, and things were great. I am in the military and I ended up deploying four months later. The last month I was in the US I didn't see her much because of being so busy. Before I left I told her not to wait for me because I wasn't sure if I would make it back. About a month of being gone I emailed her and said I don't think I could do a long distant relationship and called it off. About a month before I got back I told her I was sorry and I explained to her that I didn't want her to wait because I thought it would be selfish of me to make her wait for me ( and that is the truth).

During the last month things were going well. When I got back I suffered from night terrors, anxiety, and distance from people so I told her I wasn't ready again. I told her I want to get help. A month or so after I was back I was on the road to recovery and I started talking to her again. We have been together 4 months and 1 week today. Things were going well up until about three weeks ago, she said she felt smothered. She was single three years before she met me and I was single three years too. I was over 4-5 days a week now I only go over 2-3 times a week.

I know there is no one else, because I am with her or on the phone with her all the time. I have a key to her house so I can come and go when I please. I ruled out someone else, but she still seems distant. I have asked her about it and she said she just needs time to heal because I have left so much. She still tells me she loves me, but when I have to leave I am overtaken with a great sorrow. I get very depressed and I feel that we might break up. We are still together and I still see her often, I just get sad when we have a part ways. I get sad if she doesn't call me or respond to my text messages. Does this space mean she really needs space or does it mean she is bored with this relationship?

* Through out the whole time I saw no one else.
**I have become more insecure since I have been with her.
***How do I not worry?
****If I give her space how long do I have to not respond to her texts? Because she still talks calls or texts me daily.

Thank you!

This is a tough one, but let me start with an observation. Your whole post has many "I"'s in it, and about you, but the only thing you have said about her is she told you she was feeling smothered. And she is worried about all the times you left/weren't ready.

I can only conclude that maybe you have wrapped yourself into her too much, and have a clingy manner. That happens and there are ways to do other things and enjoy each other once you overcome your own fears.

I think you have not yet built a life without her that makes you happy or you do not socialize enough without her. Just curious if you guys actually do fun things together seeing as you are with her often, or is this all about you not being happy unless you are with her.

I hope you are still getting help, as I believe the more guidance you get for your personal issues, the better. I also think she has to take a safe distance from you to keep from being overwhelmed by you, as you need a lot of attention, right? I think you see if she is open to dating properly, and you going home after without it being a big deal. Dating properly is actually doing something fun, not just watching TV or such things.

If she is not, then be positive when you do speak, and no being needy, or begging. That's a BIG turn off.

@talaniman when we are together it is fun. I will admit we don't go out as much, and I'm not clingy when I'm around her. The time I usually get clingy is when I'm away from her. I have still when getting help and I'm starting to be more confident. There is an age gap I'm twenty-two where she is twenty-eight. I think it might bother her a little but I'm aware a confident.

You can start by being more independent, and less dependent on her. I mean 3 times a week is doable, but I bet you are a serial texter/caller. Or a cryer, or beggar. Stop that. You see it not the thing to do.

Well right now I don't text her anymore unless she texts me, even then I still wait before I respond. I do not normally cry in front of her I have twice. She says she can just tell when I'm upset without saying anything.

Kind of emotional huh? I really think you have been through an awful lot at your age. Too much maybe, and your transition around people may not leave you completely comfortable yet, and may be years off. Maybe frustration and impatience play a large role in this whole thing, but I do feel you may have underplayed the small steps you have already made by not giving yourself a lot more credit for trying to get the help for your issues.

I admire that in you, even if you don't. I think you are on a healing path and this is a bump in the road you seem to be working hard to over come. I think at some point you have to express that, and acknowledge you will never give up trying to improve, as she may need some reassurances you are aware, okay with yourself and working on it.

I hope you understand that she may feel that after you have gone through the healing process, you may not need her emotional support, and will be strong enough to fly on your own without her, and given your previous behavior, may be just protecting herself, as well she should. I mean you HAVE left before and been indecisive with your actions, and she may well be in a healing process of her own. You must understand that in your dealings with her, and that may be difficult as you are wrapped up in your own feelings and maybe not completely aware of your effect on her and others.

Lots of patience with yourself is required. It's a challenging balancing act for sure, that's hard on most of us.