I am in a relationship with one the greatest men. There is a huge age difference though. I am the older one. Me and him have been together 3 years and I have lived with him now 4 months :)

Everything started changing in October when something happened. His older brother secretly put weed oil in brownies. Let him eat 6 of them and then told him when he started feeling majorly messed up. (His brother had been begging him to smoke with him and my boyfriend said "No"! He had smoked it once and didn't like the effect. So then this happened.

Well anyway... My boyfriend freaked out and went to bed to try and sleep it off. He said it was a very long night and bad experience all around. But that's when things started getting bad for my boyfriend and me and our relationship. He started not eating worried someone might tamper with the food. Me and his parents. He would time us and our behavior 30 minutes after eating before eating himself. He says his brain is always foggy like he is living in a dream all the time. Then after time paranoia set in and then no sex life. When for 3 years are sex life was and this is no joke at least 3-7 times a day when I was spending the night. Or weekend. Lots of foreplay. You name it and it was done.

Now after lots of me crying wondering what's wrong with me and even depression for me I am looking for someone to tell me what can I do to help him... to help us. He says it's hard for him. He wants it like it was and misses it bad but he doesn't have the concentration or motivation anymore for sex .Yet he does for his gaming.Internet and friends. It's quickies a couple times a week. No touching,kissing etc in our lovemaking. He is loving and kind all day and everything. He holds me when he sleeps but Oh my God I miss our sexual connection, our passion, his want and aching need for me and my body as I believe it is (or was) one of a kind!

Can anyone help me please?

He needs to think about getting professional help. He needs to talk to someone who can help him work through the mess his brother created and he has allowed to grow.

I know you want to help him, but about all you can do is give him time and encouragement. I don't think your sex life is going to get better until he handles his fears and insecurities.

Keep in mind that it isn't just about being able to concentrate. He sounds like he has major trust issues stemming from his brother's 'prank' (word least likely to get censored.) It is going to take time and hard work to regain what you had.

Good luck.

Okay before I even get this going... I am not bashing anyone etc. Not even my boyfriend as he is sensitive to me towards the dreaded word and movies "Porn".

I am in a relationship with someone 15 years younger than I am. Starting our relationship It was about me. He made me feel so sexy, beautiful, just a one of a kind woman. As time progressed I learned he loves porn etc. The fantasy world of all the possibilities lovemaking could go. And we have done many many many wonderful scenarios. I can't even began to describe where our lovemaking has taken us. I have tried watching with him and I get ill tempered and just yucky. And then he gets mad at don't want to watch anymore because he says he wants me happily watching it with him. Or it's not worth it. And that is so very very sweet and then I feel very bad. Because he is caring about my feelings on the issue.

I have recently started working on watching it with him and enjoying it. But nights I plan on watching it, I want to say "Baby lets watch some tonight". He beats me to it and I get mad that he even thought about it. And the mood is gone and I'm mad again. And we go with the silent treatment for awhile.

Now he isn't like some men in even getting my feelings on it. He don't force me to watch it. He only wants to watch if I'm happily beside him watching it. But I want to know why can't I just get past that he wants to watch it at all. I want to lay beside him and happily watch it with him so bad!! But I don't like he gets turned on by watching it. I feel as though the women are turning him on and then he wants sex with me and for some reason that really upsets me.

If he can show me the compassion of not watching it unless I'm happily beside him why can't I be happy in just doing it? I want to so bad. It's in me and I WANT TO DO IT HAPPILY.

So can anyone help me? I'm not uncomfortable with my body. I am a big woman but he loves big women and he makes me feel very beautiful etc. Tells me all the time and shows it. I am very very comfortable with my body and everything. I just want to get this issue solved ASAP!

I want to make him and me be happy with it.

Thank you Cat. I have tried many things. He has went to the Dr. And they aren't sure about anything. My sister is a nurse and says could be a THC overdoes. Yes it can happen and has many times. Though the effects aren't death like other drugs.

He has been doing well the last few months about the food issue. But it is going back bad again. Last night he had a breakdown and cried because he was hungry and scared to it anything. And that hurt me very bad. I got him to eat a few chips. Not near enough! But I can't force him. I'm being patient. But sometimes it's hard when he does a lot of other things like his old self but then when it comes to lovemaking he is lost on how it use to be.

He isn't wanting to have sex with the models. That isn't how the male mind works. The male mind likes looking at naked women. It gives us the seed of fantasy.

When you're ill tempered watching it besides him you're narking his high. It is like when you're watching a normal movie and the person you're with isn't enjoying it and snarking about it. You're not going to enjoy yourself because your friend isn't enjoying it.

I think requiring to be beside him when he watches porn is a bit of a mistake. He can only watch porn when you're around? I wouldn't stand for that. Why don't you show him a little compassion and not get mad at him for watching it without you?

More often than not a man will watch porn so he can masturbate. This is a private moment he has with himself so that he concentrate on himself. It is like reading a romance novel or watching a Romantic comedy. It is how the male mind works. Having someone there with you ALL the time is not fun.

Why do you want to sit and watch it with him?

If he is watching it with you, he hopes that you get as turned on as he does and you can go do the horizontal mombo. Maybe even incorporate the ideas from the movie into the love making session. The problem is porn is mostly a solo game, not multiplayer. If you get what I mean.

I think you are putting too many restraints on him. My two cents.

Before moving in with him he always watched alone. Now that I live with him he "wants" me to watch with him and not alone. He don't want to masturbate to it when he has a woman :)

My question was how do I overcome what bother's me about it to be more happy about it when he is so very giving to respect how I feel? Because I want to watch with him and be happy with it without yucky feelings...

What did his doctor do at his visit? Any tests ordered? Was seeing a therapist or psychologist mentioned at all?

You can give it time... and understand this is been with mankind since we lived in caves...

Perhaps there are certain things you like to see... perhaps you might want to view a variety of things with him to find different things that are of a special interest to you. Obviously not everything is going to appeal to any given person... but it as a couple can give you ideas of things to try together you might never have thought of yourself. There are so many different things to do together besides missionary. And while I will not go into it... but my wife who is a very quiet and reserved person... discovered some things that really excite her that she never even thought of... and we keep things very exciting even after 20+ years of marriage.

Just remember you are an adult... and you can view whatever you want (except kiddy porn)... and since you are doing it in private... just the two of you.. there isn't another soul that will know about it... so there is ZERO reason to feel bad or be embarrassed.

Oh wow we have done many many things that would probably make you blush or go "WTH"! LOL

Some of my fear is we have went through the long long list of sexual things. And now that he has had most of his fantasies fulfilled he is slightly bored. We have done WAY more than missionary.

But I do like most of your advice :) :)

Trust me when the months become years... you will learn you don't get bored doing everything once...

You need that variety to keep it exciting. But do any one thing over, and over, and over repetitiously... ANYTHING will get boring... its about balance.

If he gets bored after doing everything once or even twice... he's got issues.

The more different recipes you have in your cookbook... the less likely you will tire of your home cooking.

Oh... trust me... I doubt you could make me blush. I'm 50 have lived on two continents... an dated women from a LOT of different countries before I met my current wife... I've seen and done a lot before I married.. and even more after.

For one thing, talk with him. Be honest about getting upset because he brings it up first. Ask him to give you a chance to ask him. To allow you to surprise him.

Next, I am going to suggest that you take some time by yourself and think about what turns you on. Then look up pictures and videos that interest you. Part of what might be turning you off is what you are watching with him. If his main interest is 'clips' where it's all action, then see about finding actual movies. You might try 'soft-core porn'/R-rated movies as a beginning step. Soft-core is pretty much everything except showing actual penetration. For many women plot and character development are more of a turn on than the actual sex.

Change your focus. You don't have to pay attention to the video/movie. I doubt there will be a test later or he will want an essay on what you watched. You can let your mind replace the actors with your boyfriend and you. You can think about doing those things to and with him (or start 'playing' with him.) Focus on the setting and the role-playing.

I will admit that I find some 'porn' funnier than a lot of mainstream comedies. Don't be afraid to laugh. If he was wanting to watch it to get off then he would do it by himself. If he wants you to watch it with him and insists on it, then he gets the distraction of watching it with another person. You might even find talking about it leads to shared fantasies and the porn gets forgotten.

I have and he says If I wait on you then it is months before you actually want to. But over the last couple months I have planned two so many times but he always ask first.

LOL I agree the times I have watched I do get tickled at some of it. And he actually gets tickled at me and my comments about that scene or movie etc. Those are times I like. Then we may play some and his mind is on me "not the movie". Then we kick back and watch some more. So I have tried and accomplished it a couple of times. But I want it every time.

I love both of you comment. You and smoothy and I will try them all and see how it goes :)

Thank you so much :)

Yes they were mentioned. No tests at all. Just go to a psychologist. And he won't go. Not as of yet!

You have a positive attitude... use it to your advantage. Just remember you both can't like exactly the same things... find those you both do like... and you might find the things just outside of that common ground can be special occasion things... on both sides...

In answer to your question. That is unfortunately a question only you can answer. Watch a lot of it on your own? If it bothers you and you want to desensitize yourself then you need exposure. Might work. It's about the best we can do here.

I still believe you have rose coloured glasses with respect to his porn viewing. Why do you think he always has something queued up? Again. My two cents.

In general I do not like porn. It's a waste of money and time for all the people involved. ( My opinion only ) So much better could be spent on the money they use for making the movies.

As far as having something queued well he usually does. He says I make him do without it so much so yes he is going to ask a lot. But if only he would wait for me to ask him we would watch it a lot more often.

If I'm correct about the rose colored glass comment I do see the world as what it is. And people for what they are and my situation for what it is. I am not trying to take this away from him I'm trying to give this part of the relationship I try. I want us like we were and not ever fighting again.

Porn is a business. That's why people produce porn unstead of usng the money for something "better." He says you make hm do without "it" so much so, yes, he is going to ask a lot. What does this mean? You lost me.

Is this part of the age difference? You are not "threatened" by thin women even though you are a self-confessed large woman. Are you "threatened" by younger women?

It's fodder for another thread but I find a 15 year age difference to be fascinating. I always dated older, much older (20+ years) but never more than a few years younger. With those ages he could be 25 and you could be 40. That makes you established in life, with a career, and him starting. Again, I find this interesting - sincerely.

Couple things here... what one person considers a waste of money... might be important to another person.

E.G.
#1. Paying $10+ per person to see a new movie that will be on TV inside of a year.

#2. Eating out at a fancy restaurant vs. a cheaper place when we all know what happens to food within a day.

#3. Going to Starbucks

#4. Having a cell phone (Come on now.. when you can have a home wire-line for a fraction the cost)

#5. Buying a nice car rather than an old used one or a cheap new one.

Waste of money is clearly an individuals perception based on their income level.

And those wastes of money for one person... will usually be someone else's income they live on.

As far as waiting for you to ask... keep in mind it takes a LOT of years to get to the point where one person is able to finish the others sentences... I don't think the two of you have been together anywhere near long enough yet... but you might eventually. Until then, understand everyone's preferred timeline will be their own. Eventually your clocks might mesh better.

Also keep in mind... with that age difference... that's going to mean you are starting with ideas that are further apart.

When I was a lot younger, until my mid 20's I usually dated older women... two were as much as ten years older than me... most were less.

Won't hear me knocking you for that... I thank Older women for the comprehensive education I got since I Started college. I didn't have to figure out as much the hard way like most guys do. And that happened before most people even heard of home computers... and decades before most people even heard of the internet ( which I have been using in some form since 1981)

I am defiantly not "threatened" by younger women. I know I am all he will want or need in way of other women. I am his first and will be his last.

As far as the age difference I have gave it a lot of that and realize there are going to be thing's that I won't like but that comes with his age and I have accepted it. ( Going out with friends, Video Games etc ) He is very wise beyond his years but does have what guys his age have. The state of mind etc.

I love all you have said etc. Some of it somewhat helpful. :)

Smoothy: This is very true what some consider a waste of money others do not. However this is not a problem with him spending money on them. Nor him watching them. I posted about something I want to better about myself and change for him and me.

People relied on themselves before the internet. As I am relying on myself now. I'm just wanting some pointers to make this work for me and him. As he hasn't done anything wrong in wanting to watch them and specially being he don't want to without me. That makes me feel very special. I WANT TO FIX ME!

I highlighted what I see as a red flag.

If he made the decision to only watch porn with you and this is how he expresses his thoughts, then he is blaming you for a decision he made. And you seem to be allowing it. Why?

If you don't like or care for porn, don't force yourself to watch it and don't allow him to attempt to blackmail you into watching it. That only leads to resentment and other negative emotions.

You can try to change your perception of porn and masturbation, but it has to be because you want to experience it. It can't be to 'please' him.

Two things to think about: Porn is nothing more than a form of erotica. Erotica has been around for thousands of years. From poetry and pictures to romance novels and videos, erotica is everywhere depending on what a person's tastes are. Masturbation is great for learning your own body and mind. It is also a way to relieve stress and not add more by worrying about a partner's needs.

If he blames you for his decision on when to watch porn, then the two of you need to sit down and have a very honest discussion about how the current 'compromise' is working out. I don't think it is.

There is another red flag: You see his going out with friends as something 'age related' (almost sounds like you think it is immature.) Both of you should have time and interests outside of the relationship. I hope you have time with your friends, too.